Dear White Guy
In all my professional career something has troubled me and maybe I can finally get an answer to:
Why when during work “parties/get togethers/mixers etc “hell any evening out for that matter…why is so much alcohol consumed that a
transformation occurs in the form of “angry guy” or “super slut” ?
Its like this behavior is welcomed upon my melanoma challenged co-workers,yet when Luis,Maria,LeShawn or Deja show any signs
of this they are shunned or worse shown the door. I’m just at a stage in my life whereI I wouldrather not appear on a watch list because of
something that started with the phrase ” You know what would be cool…..”
Any insight…..
The Token Office Guy
First let me start by saying this: Based on some of the questions sent in, there is a LOT of ish I didn’t know about white people. Who knew white people smelled like bologna? Or that white girls say “sorry” all the damn time in an apologetic condescending manner? I didn’t – so I will investigate and get back to you on that. Also, who knew that ALL black people AREN’T comfortable in the hood? News to me!
Ok, back to token office guy. White people love to party. If you had any white friends in college you understand just what I mean by this. Have you ever watched the Dukes of Hazzard? Yeah, we have drank a few and all of the sudden our car is the general lee, that’s what we do. Think about it. White people tie rubber bands to their legs and jump off of perfectly working bridges, FOR FUN. We ride bicycles through Africa, FOR FUN. We climb rocks and jump head first into dark ass caves… FOR FUN! So give us some alcohol and holy shat hold on! We love to do ish that will make the night worth remembering. So unfortunately sometimes that translates into a lot of nights that can’t be remembered. When Susie starts drinking, Bob (that is apparently what all white guys are named) knows he might be getting some slow neck in the conference room later on. And who doesn’t love some slutty slow neck? On the flip side, if LeShawnda is starting to get tipsy, well we might just end up on youtube having a damn food fight at Dennys. And nobody wants that! Angry white guy doesn’t really bother anybody because his ass can’t fight drunk. I don’t know any white people that can fight when they are drunk. It’s usually a lot of falling down and crying. Now a black dude getting mad at a party…shiiiiiit.. you know he’s going to get squeaky, boogie, and em to come back and start shooting ish up, and nobody like getting shot ass shot. But don’t worry Office guy, as long as you dress like this guy 
and dance like this guy 
there will be no problems.
Got a question for the white guy?… send it to askwhitey@gmail.com and if I’m not busy eating mayonnaise sandwiches, I’ll get back to you!
can we fire Zell?
I hate cho face!
you love everything about me!
admit it!!!
Almost – promptness – not so much.
man fugg yo facts and examples!!!
LMAO you ain't shyt
I'm really not appreciating this lil love fest you two got going on….No siiiiirrrrrr….
You will always be my number one choc.
*hugs* sis…no one tops my Hex trust me
If you share Hex….I'll share Zell. Even swap ain't no swindle.
*winks*
umm that would be no…
I will not share my Hex!!!
You keep Zell, I'll keep Hex and all will be right (and white) in the world
You know what??? I'm done with you!
“Also, who knew that ALL black people AREN’T comfortable in the hood?”
Man I aint NEVER going to Red Hook.
"Also, who knew that ALL black people AREN’T comfortable in the hood?"
I aint NEVER going back to Red Hook….bump that!
I have fond memories, but you ain't gonna catch MY ass in ANY of my old hoods. Sheeeeit.
Yeah, the goal is (and always was) to get OUT of the hood…I ain't crazy.
Now a black dude getting mad at a party…shiiiiiit.. you know he’s going to get squeaky, boogie, and em to come back and start shooting ish up, and nobody like getting shot ass shot.
I can't stand you Zell! Squeaky? Boogie?! *dead*
I here you. With all the Blaxamples of names ever given on this site, the only two that were names of people I knew were Squeeky and Boogie. Come to think of it… Zell does look a little like this White kids I knew….
I grew up in Georgia. And I had a friend named squeeky and a friend named boogie. And both are now in prison for shooting somebody. So yeah…
I had a friend named Squeaky and a nephew (by marriage) named Boogie… *SIGH*
I remember both a squeaky and a boogie in my neighborhood growing up. One of them got shot trying to rob a bank years later, and the other one got shot by a dude named pookie.
Naming your kid or giving them nicknames like: man-man, ray ray, squeaky, boogie, earl, junebug or pookie, it just asking for fuggary and bailbonds
Sigh…I have an uncle Man-Man, he used to be a drunk of the kind of caliber that made you wish you were an orphan. I also have a cousin named Earl, he just got out of prison after a 15 year bid…'nuff said.
I knew a Junebug growing up. None of the kids were ever allowed to have anything more than a quarter on them when he was around.
Carlton could get it. Just wanted to put that out there. Sorry. I like nerds.
Ohhhh really now?!?!
::adjusts glasses, straightens tie, adds fresh layer of Carmex::
How quickly we are forgotten… *giggles* Hi Dwane!
Oh noooooooooooo, you're never forgotten. I've got pictures! (wink). Hi Truth!
mmm nerds!!
Dear White Guy,
Please start your "research" and cover more than one question in next week's post. Please. Thank you.
Dear mdbrowngirl
No.
FLOVE you man, in all your aintshyt glory!
pretty please…with a coochie cake on top.
iSnorted……a few times while reading this. Zell, you and me are due for a come to Jeezus meeting!!! lol
I have reported your comment as harassment. You will be hearing from my people soon.
Meaning as long as this meeting includes beer and gropage, he'll meet you in the corner in 5! lol
*sneaks in, throws skittles in the air to distract everyone, spills Moscato on the floor, tackles Cara and sparks an grope-orgy*
Well…hey there stranger! *sets up camera*
*GROOOOOOOOOOOPES!!!!!*
Helloooooo gorgeous!!!!
Much too on point, this was. *still cackling*
'Angry Guy' and 'Super Slut' are extensions of the white frat/sorority system and all the binge drinking that occurs within them. White guys get angry when drunk because they're stuck in middle management hell with no chance of advancement because that friend of that guy didn't help them out and drinking brings that hatred out. Or he's a self-loathing gay man who misses the eroticism/sexual fulfillment of his hazing initiation.
While reducing inhibitions drunkeness can also mask true sexual drives and behaviors in women that can be explained away the next morning. "OMG I was so drunk I did not want that train run on me last night, I only wanted to **** that black guy Lamar. But I went for it after that fifth appletini combined with not eating all day because of my anorexia. I just couldn't hold back since Todd can't get it up lately and he doesn't seem to like eating my *****. Besides I was voted best cocksucker by all the fratboys back at State." The only people they're lying to is themselves because their BFFs did the same thing last night too. Lamar got lucky with both.
So the best solution for Luis/Lamar et al would be non-confrontation or assistance to the drunk white people because in the course of said help they'll say that it was mighty white of you to help them.
Only the fat ones smell like bologna. Their sweat gets caught within the folds and friction from movement causes that odor.
"Sorry" is only one word but the intonation behind it means, "Sorry you have to do your job, loser!"