Dear White Guy
In all my professional career something has troubled me and maybe I can finally get an answer to:
Why when during work “parties/get togethers/mixers etc “hell any evening out for that matter…why is so much alcohol consumed that a
transformation occurs in the form of “angry guy” or “super slut” ?
Its like this behavior is welcomed upon my melanoma challenged co-workers,yet when Luis,Maria,LeShawn or Deja show any signs
of this they are shunned or worse shown the door. I’m just at a stage in my life whereI I wouldrather not appear on a watch list because of
something that started with the phrase ” You know what would be cool…..”
The Token Office Guy
First let me start by saying this: Based on some of the questions sent in, there is a LOT of ish I didn’t know about white people. Who knew white people smelled like bologna? Or that white girls say “sorry” all the damn time in an apologetic condescending manner? I didn’t – so I will investigate and get back to you on that. Also, who knew that ALL black people AREN’T comfortable in the hood? News to me!
Ok, back to token office guy. White people love to party. If you had any white friends in college you understand just what I mean by this. Have you ever watched the Dukes of Hazzard? Yeah, we have drank a few and all of the sudden our car is the general lee, that’s what we do. Think about it. White people tie rubber bands to their legs and jump off of perfectly working bridges, FOR FUN. We ride bicycles through Africa, FOR FUN. We climb rocks and jump head first into dark ass caves… FOR FUN! So give us some alcohol and holy shat hold on! We love to do ish that will make the night worth remembering. So unfortunately sometimes that translates into a lot of nights that can’t be remembered. When Susie starts drinking, Bob (that is apparently what all white guys are named) knows he might be getting some slow neck in the conference room later on. And who doesn’t love some slutty slow neck? On the flip side, if LeShawnda is starting to get tipsy, well we might just end up on youtube having a damn food fight at Dennys. And nobody wants that! Angry white guy doesn’t really bother anybody because his ass can’t fight drunk. I don’t know any white people that can fight when they are drunk. It’s usually a lot of falling down and crying. Now a black dude getting mad at a party…shiiiiiit.. you know he’s going to get squeaky, boogie, and em to come back and start shooting ish up, and nobody like getting shot ass shot. But don’t worry Office guy, as long as you dress like this guy and dance like this guy there will be no problems.
Got a question for the white guy?… send it to email@example.com and if I’m not busy eating mayonnaise sandwiches, I’ll get back to you!