More ramblings from whitey. (sorry, I’ve been super busy and haven’t really had time to sit down and read my hate mail and pick some good questions). Please accept this as my apology.
So last week I had the displeasure of traveling to Tupelo Mississippi (pronounced Toop-Low Miss-Sippy by the natives). Holy hell what a shat hole. I was working on a project for one of my bigger clients (I normally don’t travel). It was one of the dirtiest places in America I have ever been. And that is saying a lot considering my travels have taken me to almost every state in the US. One of the nights I was there our team decided to hit the local Chili’s for the 2 for 1 beers/cocktails. At the end of the bar was Slaus’ clone. I wish I had taken a picture because they seriously looked so much alike. Of course I don’t go many places that I don’t meet everybody so me and this fella started talking. I swear he talked just like a Bernie Mac routine. It was weird. So we exchanged favorite jokes by some of our favorite comedians and I chatted up his girl a little (friendly chat, nothing offensive). Then he whispers to me – “Hey, you ain’t no po-boy is you”? Well up until this point I thought I was on top of my slang. But honestly I had no fvcking clue what he was asking. And since I was in Toop-Low Miss-Sippy I figured I should proceed with caution. I answered with “I’m not real sure what that is, but I’m pretty sure I’m not”. Then he educated me, it means da po-leece. Alright, makes sense, “nope, not the poo-leece”. He then asks, y’all want some (inaudible)? :confused look on my face 8-\. He says, you want hard or soft? At this point I assume he’s talking about cocaine but honestly I have no clue. He could be trying to offer some jibby. So I’m like, I think we’re good man. He insists he can get me whatever I want and I insist that I really don’t need anything other than the Landshark that I’m drinking.
Later I met a guy that went by the name of “stinky”. I didn’t inquire as to how he obtained that nickname but I had a pretty good idea. He apparently owned the Starter, alternator repair, and bail bonding business. I was surprised there was such a market. Me and stinky and his girl closed down chili’s and I learned a few things. 1. Black people and women “know their place in Miss-Sippy”. And 2. Stinky is a fvcking hillbilly retard.
Fast forward – Friday night I am on my way out of town and it is busy as hell. I stop and grab some food and I ask the girl, “is it always this busy on the weekend”? She replied, “nawl… is tass day”. “Pardon me”? – Tass day. Again, I’m confused 8-\. Tass day? You know, when errbody get they tasses back….. Ohhh – Tax day.. I see. Then I thought damn, I don’t get my taxes back until well into March. I have to wait on dividends, mortgage and investment statements, etc and then the accountant takes for fvcking ever… I might be doing this ish wrong. So I grabbed up my dinner and headed back to Alabama. The point of the story – well there really isn’t a point – these are just some of the things I found interesting in Toop-low Miss-Sippy and Alabama > Miss-Sippy (and that’s sad).
I’m working on another “ask the white guy” for next week. It should be a good one.
What’s the dirtiest/most messed up city you have ever visited – and Florida is NOT a city.