It’s Hard to Be: Black, Female, Male, Homosexual, A Parent, A Single Parent, Chronically Ill, young, old, broke, bisexual, homeless, misunderstood, unemployed . . .
It’s hard to be alive.
It’s also hard to be Black with Mental Health Issues.
My parents should have been genetically tested and never been allowed to procreate because they produced one beautiful, intelligent, busty creature with a broken brain.
I have lived with Depression for 18 long years, it’s a huge part of a who I am and it impacts my daily life. I’m not ashamed of my illness, but I am loathe to tell black adults, even trusted OHNawlians about it. I’ve had years to study mental health and I will advocate for the depressed with every ounce of strength I can muster, but it’s exhausting to fight comments like:
1. Pray about it. God will fix it, just go to church. You’re depressed cuz you don’t pray.
2. WTF do you have to be depressed about? You have a job, you’re healthy. Get over it. Nobody died.
3. Get outside and exercise, quit relying on medication. It’s probably just in your head anyway. Those pills don’t do anything to actually help you
4. Depression is a state of mind, it you would just change things in your life then you would feel better. Stop feeling bad for yourself and be productive.
These aren’t strictly black comments, but studies show that the African-American community is slower at coming to grips with the realities of mental illnesses like depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia (which affects blacks1.5 times more than whites). There’s this stigma attached to mental illness and for those people who are suffering, or have family suffering,explaining to black friends and family can be a secondary battle that’s just not worth the effort.
Even as I write this I know that some of you are thinking “See? I knew that chick was crazy.” And sometimes Chernanigans is about being THAT person representing some silent voices.
So before I delve in and since I’m sure assumptions are already being made:
1. No, I am not currently or recently (within the last 3+ years) suicidal. I am fFINE. I will not crack or break. If you want to attack my opinions feel free, if you want to ask questions I’ll do my best to be as honest and forthright as I feel comfortable
2. Yes, I am on drugs, but that’s a medical requirement for me (keep reading). .
Contrary to popular belief DEPRESSION IS NOT A CHOICE! It’s not an attention seeking tool. Its not the “Blues” It’s not a thing to “Just get over it” I’m not talking about loneliness or bad days. I’m not writing about grief or bereavement following a loss, I’m writing about Major Depression aka Clinical Depression (hence forth Depression).
Science time: Depression is a Chemical Imbalance, our brains shower themselves with “happiness gems” (sounds happier than serotonin). If there’s a clog in the gem spout, a reduction in happiness gems or an area that gets no gems you can get depressed. Yes, I actually describe the things going on in my brain in terms of gems, clouds, gremlins, etc. AND? It makes it a whole lot more interesting than thinking of it as “grey matter”.
- Mayo Clinic’s Depression Self Assessment
According to the National Institute of Mental Health
Major depressive disorder, or major depression, is characterized by a combination of symptoms that interfere with a person’s ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy once-pleasurable activities. Major depression is disabling and prevents a person from functioning normally. Some people may experience only a single episode within their lifetime, but more often a person may have multiple episodes.
Besides Major Depressives there are Human Eeyores. These people have dysthymia they are almost never happy, always negative, always hopeless. . . for years.
Those who annually get the “Winter Blues ” may have Seasonal Affective Disorder
(SAD) due to a lack of Vitamin D and other factors. My Mom has a Happy Light Lamp I’d like her to get therapy, but she thinks she’s fine. I think she’s … moving on.
Since the age of 12 I’ve had 6 Major Depressive episodes the first few were every 3 years on their own, but now the doctors are concerned that in improperly coming off the meds I contributed to a cycle of recurrence. I probably have to be on a maintenance dose of medication for life, which means I have to fight feeling like a failure . . . for life. Even people who advocate for drugs (like me) struggle with the idea of taking them, I
struggle with the idea that I’m “crazy”, that I’m not strong enough to fix myself, that if I could just pull myself together I could avoid the “Darkness”. I’ve been depressed enough times to know when it’s coming and that is when I’m at my worst. Because in my own mind I’m strong enough to turn around and run away, to fight it and instead of getting early intervention I fight the inevitable
Nothing about depression is sensible, it has to be the most painful, painless illness. You don’t know why the idea of brushing your teeth makes you want to cry, but it does. Day in and day out you fight a monster in your head, it can go wherever it wants and interfere with anything and everything and there’s not a damn think you can do to stop him.
THIS is why when I run into the black folks who say “pray about it” or that “your life could be so much worse” and “to get over it” I just want to reach out and punch them in their sternum. My favorite is that we do it for attention.
The reason I haven’t left my bed in 4 days is JUST so someone could feel sorry for me. Because the entire time I was like “Yes, I want to get up and ride my bike today and get some ice cream, but I won’t because I want attention.” Nope, not even shower. Just gonna lie here and cry just so someone who has no idea that I’m lying here will feel bad for me. Because I couldn’t pick up the phone cuz then they would know I had moved my body.
Life could be worse for many who suffer from Depression, it’s not a choice. I would love to take the money I spend on copays for medication and psychiatrists and talk therapy and do anything else with it and I’m lucky to have good insurance and be able to get to my job frequently enough to keep it. Oh yes, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a must! Meds keep your brain chemically balanced, but you still have to problem solve or whatever. I’m on year 2 of addressing my Fear of Change, but I’m expecting big, huge things by year 4.
In my job I am very open and honest about my depression with my students and their parents because I need them to know it CAN get better, it is
survivable and that I may not know exactly what they’re going through, but I’ve felt their pain enough to be able to advocate for them and support
them. There are many times when I’ve let myself be walked on, but the fights that I NEVER back down from at work, or with Toilet Bear, or in life
are about Mental Health. F*ck what others may think, even what you may think of yourself; if you’re hurting or you know someone who is hurting
encourage them to get help. Don’t let the idea that as Strong Black Men and Women we can do it all for ourselves, by ourselves. That’s why we have our strong brothers and sisters to lean on.
If someone is looking to lean on you:
- NEVER assume that because you can deal with something easily that someone else can
- Never assume that your depression (or someone else’s) is just the blues
- Have faith in your God and your religion, but not at the expense of someone’s health.
- Never belittle another person’s pain or problems.
I’m less familiar with the Mania aspects of Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia is extremely complex, but
The National Institute of Mental Health - http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/index.shtml is a great place to start looking for more mental health information.
Also you can e-mail me at Cevogyrl@gmail.com if you need advice or need to talk. I may be goofy, but every single psychiatrist and therapist I’ve seen in the last 18 years assures me that I’m not (clinically) crazy. ;-D
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*hugs* There are infinite levels of crazy and we are each and every one of us….standing on one of them. My mom is schizophrenic and was institutionalized at one point….we are all touched by mental health issues in one form or another whether it is within ourselves acknowledged or not or if it is a friend/family member/loved one and there is no shame whatsoever in acknowledging you need help and getting that help in order to function.
Cher, thank you for sharing your journey. You are a very strong woman and I know a shining example for others who are suffering within our community. Working on a college campus, I often see quite a few college students of color who are suffering from mental illness and it goes un-diagnosed. Even suggesting they speak with someone in our Counseling and Psychological Services office can be met with denial. Continue to advocate for mental illness and I wish you nothing but great days!
Also you can e-mail me at Cevogyrl@gmail.com if you need advice or need to talk. You not gonna bill me are you?
Crazy is always in my mix. always has been always will be. I have therapists on stand-by..my ohn crew thanks…you know who you are.
Hey honey! I joke about you being crazy because of your silly/funny tweets, but my crazy ass finds them amusing.
My mom has suffered from mild depression and I've watched her go through bouts where she cried, stayed in bed and I either had to cuddle with her so she wouldn't feel alone or I had to seem as if I was ok so she wouldn't have to worry that she was failing me. I had to be an adult way before my time, this was just one of many reasons. (Plus, my mother was coming "Out" during a time when it was seen as evil and AIDS was rampant)
I have suffered- what I believe- mild form of depression. I've seen a therapist, I used to write down my feelings. I've been in bed, sleeping my life away. I used to cry a lot, but now I don't allow myself that luxury as much (people often see my emotions as a weakness). It DOES make you feel helpless and weak, but I also know I'm stronger than I seem.
There's a history of mental illness in my family that we talk about, but don't "talk" about (nervous breakdowns, possibly bipolar). I think I'm one of a few that actually does admit it and has sought help.
Thank you for sharing this part of yourself. That takes guts/strength that most don't understand. Thanks for being an advocate, as well. HUGS!
Splendid, Ms Cher, splendid; a really good, sober piece.
I work for an organisation with many clients, from all backgrounds and ethnicities who have mental health issues – so I speak to people, or see people with depressive problems fairly regularly. It’s such a difficult topic to communicate to others as being real and debilitating, as – unlike most other such mental health issues, it’s a thing that everyone thinks they get; there’s a real comprehension barrier with depression.
Coming to OHN….hmmm…maybe that helps make you feel like things ain’t so bad after all. I mean, just look at Slaus, a lost cause….
There are two types of people in this world – Diagnosed and Undiagnosed.
I'm happy there is a name (and an entire community) for mine.
I deal with BiPolar 1. 99% of the people in my life have no idea, and I pretty much like it that way. It's so frustrating to have someone tell you some basic ass "solution" – Pray, Work Out, Go Outside… Ninja if that was really the answer, I'd be making a joyful noise while I'm running around in circles in my backyard. GTFOOHWTBS.
I applaud and appreciate your honesty and candor. You aren't alone by a far stretch. xo
"Nothing about depression is sensible, it has to be the most painful, painless illness."
^^^^^This right here hit me so hard. Thank-you so much for sharing your story. I really admire your bravery. We (black folks) need to take better care of ourselves mentally. I never understood why if you are physically ill you go to the doctor AND pray. But when it comes to mental illness you are told to JUST pray. Why not do both? If religion is your thing. I've seen many people who obviously have mental health issues who just refuse to deal with it and the families are just like "that's how so-and-so is". Its really unfortunate. I really wish you many blessings!
Yeah black people…I dunno, its such a stigma in our community to have mental health issues. Maybe we dont want to appear that faith in The Lord is not enough to see us through. Or maybe its because mental illness is seen as a luxury only white folks get to indulge in and that we dont have time for those kind of problems.
I dont know why it is the way it is.
You can pray in one hand and shyt in the other, tell me which get's filled first.
Black people let their love of the Lord seriously cloud their judgement when the truth of the matter is, God has bigger than to worry about than your mental state.
like damn… if you truly are a believer, be rational…. He/she put doctors and zoloft here for a reason.
say word.
He/she put doctors and zoloft here for a reason.
this is where folks get messed up
they think God is going to go poof bless you child and everything is good
If God is the creator of all things then why didn't he create doctors and medicine to help us out while we are here on earth?
people like to wallow in their misery…that's really all it is…
they wear their misery as a badge of honor… *smh*
i cannot tell you how much truth is in that last statement. sure i pray, but i also do things to help me as well. just like you said, there's a reason why there are doctors and medication…
Faith without works is dead……..
Meaning keep the faith, but DO the work that goes along with it. Sometimes the work requires you seek professional help.
AMEN!
Amen Slaus…A to the freakin men!
Thumbs up kid.
I suffer from S.A.D. and occasional depressive episodes that require medication. You are not alone *shut up Michael*.
Anybody here read dooce.com? She has been blogging about her life and her depression for 11 years. Great stuff. She's just separated and people are standing on the sidelines waiting to see if she'll dissolve which is super sad.
And yeah, Black folks need to educate themselves a bit better about mental illness. Maybe then, some of the drugs, sex and other abuses we see will be recognized as the self-medication that it is. Until we do that, I don't think our community will ever have an opportunity even begin healing properly.
{{{Hugs}}}
Great damn post, baby girl. Love every word of it and love you for saying it.
Thank You.
I bought this Garden Gnome and it reminds me of you. I need to rub it down with some dust and ash first, but if you grew a beard . . .
<img src=http://twitpic.com/show/large/8b8ecd>
Just putting that out there. You DO spend a lot of time in the garden.
<img src="http://gifsoup.com/view5/2102377/preach-o.gif" alt="Preach">
THANK YOU Cherbear for posting this….
I suffer from Depression, as well. AND I will tell just about anyone (whom I trust), just as a person with Diabetes would tell tell me of their issue (if I had their trust).
People forget that the brain is an organ in your body too, and sometimes things fail, just as hearts, lungs, kidneys, livers, etc. fail. The only difference is having an issue with your brain brings a stigma to yourself as person and it shouldn't.
People, in general, need to wake up and realize that mental issues are nothing to be ashamed about and get some damn help. Then, there would be less undiagnosed, untreated folk in the community doing harm to themselves or other people. Your PSA needs to be out everywhere.
Thank you for writing about this subject!
I also have been diagnosed with depression and have been on meds for a few years after going to a therapist for a while. The meds don't make me super-happy or anything, but they do make me feel what I guess "normal" feels like for other people. Just being able to get out of bed and feeling motivated is huge.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help from medical professionals. Somethings can't be "prayed away." I wish there was a larger campaign on mental health in the black community as it has a huge impact on other aspects of one's life. Instead, it's dealt with as comic relief.
thank you for posting and sharing cher…
excellent post, cherbear! thank you for bringing this into the light because people really should know and understand that depression doesn't have a switch and there's a difference between being depressed over something and having depression. you can't just turn it on and boom you have it, no. you've said all that i've wanted to say to many people. and when i meet many more, i shall show them this article in order to refrain from wasting my side-eyes…
AND for those folk who think that you can pray away depression… umm, There are Doctors (whom I believe were blessed with God-given intelligence)…who can prescribe medication or use treatments that can "heal" you…so your prayer has already been answered.
Thanks for posting this Cher. I deal with this day in and day out with my 15 y/o daughter. She is bi-polar and right now she is going through a depressive stage. She hasn't gotten out of bed since last Thursday. She goes to see her pyschiatrist this Thursday and maybe that will help things. Her Dr. is awesome and spends at least an hour and a half with her each time she is there. I am glad you shared how you feel with us, because, like myself, have never had depression and don't realize how hard it can be. Thank you for advocating for those that do need the help!!
Fantastic job my sister. My mother was schizophrenic, and I tried everything I could think of to help her over the years. "You have to fight it" always sounded good to me, and giving her a few of my best counseling tools sometimes worked for a few days… even weeks. But if I spoke to her once a day, and the voices in her head spoke to her all day, they were going to win out every time… and they did. And if she felt so good that she didn't think she needed her medicine, then it was over. I've also been treated for depression, know a lot of other people who was treated for it, but know way more people who should have been but weren't.
As a Christian, I tell other Christians that when they need help for psychological issues, go get help…. I'll just pray that it works. Personally, I have yet to pray away a chemical imbalance… I may be able to, but I haven't yet. I've always believed there were reasons that Luke was used to write part of the Gospel of Jesus, even though he was a Greek, and I believe that one of those reasons was that as a doctor he would make sure that medicine, science, etc., was represented as something viable and valuable to the Christian. So I believe totally in the power of prayer, just sometimes you have to pray for a good doctor or counselor.
Anyway, thank you for putting a lovable face on an issue that is too often avoided and/or misunderstood. You will help people whom you will never know in ways you can't even comprehend.
I suffer from Bi-polar II disorder. The mood swings are terrible. I lost a very good job because I attacked a co-worker in a fit of rage- ON MY DAY OFF. Mania makes every dumb decision sound like a good idea. I still can't believe I took it there but that situation alone lets me know that Depression and Bi-polar disorders are real. The manic phase is awesome! It causes me to enroll in school, change my major 100 times, and start projects with the intentions of changing the world. I can type a 5 page research paper in 1 hour and you would swear I had worked on it all semester. I look for shyt to do because nothing is impossible. Then, I crash. I am not to be bothered, spoken to, and I may or may not show up at work. I have started at 6 different colleges and have about 200 random credit hours that can't be applied to one particular major. Sounds harmless, right? Ask me about student loans. Other people that suffer from this disorder do other reckless activities. It's scary to see yourself doing something or hear yourself saying something and not have the ability to stop it.
Wow. I've never heard someone describe a manic episode with such clarity. Thanks for sharing, please feel free to share some of those credits too.
Girl,I have credits ranging from Business Law to Foundations of Nursing to Aviation Operations. I like to call myself a "Professional Student."
**Hugs** Thanks for your honesty. Here is a hug for you! **Hugs** and YES you will take a Twilight hug from me dagnabbit…
<img src="http://gifsoup.com/view/841507/hug-o.gif">
Ohhh, I have so many brothers and sisters in sadland. Lets have a party, but you all have to come to my house because I'm too tired to go out!
Thank you all for sharing your stories as well, it feels good to know that not only am I not alone, but that other people have been where I've been. One of the most evil parts of depression is that it isolates you from other people, it makes you feel alone, and unlovable. My best friends in the world are the ones who never stopped calling me and harassing me during my darkest days. Annoying arses. I hope y'all don't expect thoughtfulness from me for another 3-4 months.
Thank you for this post, Cher. Spread it wherever you can.
Thank you for sharing this, Cher. Depression is no joke, none whatsoever. Just about the only symptom I didn't have pre-treatment was suicidal thoughts.
Thank you for posting this, CherBear. I wish more people had the courage to speak out like this….and for it to encourage our own fam here at OHN to share their stories?
Gatdamn I love this place. *snugs*
Folk has had Folk's bout with Depression in recent years. First major hit was after we lost lil'Folk. D@mned near lost my mind.
Recently wouldn't consider it depression, more like pent up anger on a scale that makes China looks small. Fvcking crazy azz bank.
*hugs fo LIFE*
Thank you.
I love seeing more and more people of color speaking out about their journeys living with mental illness. I have BPII. I can relate to everything that you've shared, I tweeted many quotes from this. Please continue to share, there are many who have yet to reach a place where they can tweet or blog about their experiences.
*hugs and high fives*
<3
Thank you, Cher! I'm proud to see that you are dealing with your depression proactively instead of just letting those ignorant people think you can just pray it away…I highly believe in the strength and favor of God, but like someone sai upthread, God only helps those who help themselves. Sitting around waiting for a solution to drop into your lap is no solution at all. *HUGS*
Thank you Cher, and everyone else for sharing.