WTF!!!??? ‘My husband had sex with me while I was drunk. I think i should divorce him.’

: from Dear Prudence :

My husband is kind, supportive, funny, generous, smart, and loving. However, I feel like I must divorce him. Six years ago, when we were in our early 20s and had just fallen in love, after a night of partying and drinking, he woke me up in the middle of the night and started to have sex with me. I was dozing and still drunk and, yes, I took my panties off myself. But when I realized that it was not OK for him to make advances on me in my state, I pushed him away and ran out. He later felt so bad he wanted to turn himself in for rape. I was very confused and thought at times that I was overreacting and at others that I was raped. We painfully worked through this, but the incident made my husband very reluctant about having sex. This led to an agreement that he shouldn’t be afraid of coming close to me in similar situations as long as he asked my consent. This made us feel better and I felt secure again. However, we just found ourselves in a very similar situation. After coming back from a friend’s wine tasting we went to bed and he started to kiss me. I liked it and went along, only to wake up in the morning and remember only half of it. Now I am in the same painful spot I was before and I can’t fathom how he could have ignored our agreement. Should I just drop it or am I right about feeling abused? —Confused

 

Let me get this right… they are married.. they had a little bit to drink.. got drunk.. made out… and woke up to the fact her husband put penis inside her…. and now she want to divorce him?

I don’t mean to be insensitive here….. and i’m not at all i any way of course endorsing rapey azz rape.  But can this really be called rape!??? REAAALLLLLLY, people?? Can it?? I’m curious because… i’m not trying to say too much buuuuuuut some days .. in our house.. you don’t even get a say in the matter of whether you be the penetrating or the penetrated. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.  So to hear about something like what this woman is talking about and how she feels like she needs to divorce him, I can’t help but to sit here like..

sorry… but I can’t relate. Last time I checked, unless you adamantly proclaimed: “No” before hand and or was violently forced into, there is no gatdamn date rape in marriage.

If you are laying there and your genitals are available for enjoyment by your spouse, shyt is faaaaair game.

That’s just me.

Marriage is a compleeeeetely different damn game than dating.

There isn’t  a damn couple reading this who haven’t awakened in the middle of the night and asked:” What in the world are you doing back/down there????” and if you haven’t, you are doing marriage alllllllllwrong. I’m just saying.

Want to be happily married a long while with spice in the bedroom even after many a years? Have sex every so often in a manner that tells the other person that their very well-being isn’t a factor.

Kind of ish where you aren’t sure if you should call the police or not afterwards.

just saying….. this woman is out of her mind in my book.

But i could be wrong….

what say you?

 

Slaus
When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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comments

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  • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/ Beth Lanai

    the what is this shit .gif just killed me

    this bitch is crazy

    I don't even understand where she is getting this my husband raped me mess from

    why is she going to such an extreme

    who is whispering in her ear

    I'm confused right along with her simple ass

  • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

    If this is the definition of rape, I get raped alot.

    I'm not trying to be offensive, if SHE feels she was raped, then she needs to do what she needs to do.

    I personally call penetration while half sleep a good time…

    • DeeBeeR

      TESTIFY!

      • guitargrrrl76

        I would love to be awakened by sex with a partner i trusted, but if she feels violated, she needs to do what makes her feel better. If she feels like she can't trust her husband, then she'll never be comfortable in the marriage.

  • queensgirl1960

    Bish pleeeeeeeeezzzzzz.. really..sigh..

  • cakes_and_pies

    I don't have any opinion married folk issues, but Slaus, your story made me think of this clip from 30 Rock that caused a shytstorm on the Internet about martial rape.
    [youtube fw-kxOUU6k8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw-kxOUU6k8 youtube]
    I thought it was funny, but I've never had that happen to me. Some people feel differently about the issue.

    • http://www.ohellnawl.com Slausito Ramirez.

      in MYYYY marriage… your consent is not requested or necessary. Only time no means no is if you say: "seriously.. no."

      Even then aint nobody trying to hear that unless it's followed up with a :" im not kidding!" even then.. she doesn't listen to me.

      Just saying.

      I don't know what works for other people in their marriage….. I just know that on july 21st, tomorrow.. we celebrate 11 years of marriage… 17 years being together.

      • cakes_and_pies

        Well Happy (pre) Anniversary!

        What works, works.

        I can't say expressed consent was always given in past relationships. Who has time to negotiate at 3
        AM.

    • http://www.ohellnawl.com Slausito Ramirez.

      then again… my wife and i aren't even right. We work well together because more than likely we know that anyone else might have us up on charges.

    • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

      That clip is HILARIOUS!!

  • CaraQ301

    Man… I've been violated in my sleep many a time over the years. He even tries now and I tell him to leave me alone (insomnia is a bish, so when I go to sleep, please let me be!); however, if he's able to get it in and I'm still able to drift back off (I've even had the O while still sleep)… even better (although that wet spot is a BISH!).

    No one has the right to violate you, but um… he's your husband! You mean to tell me there's never been groping and sneak dack in y'all lives (like, you cooking dinner, and SURPRISE! You have to turn down the heat while being dacked or getting henry'd)? Wow.

    • http://ohellnawlblog.com Lo – Kei

      I WANT to get violated in my sleep… to wake up out of a drunken sleep with my penis in her mouth?!?!?!?

      ummmm yeah.

      • CaraQ301

        I'm guilty of doing this in the past, but he doesn't drink…. *shrug*

      • Unca_Ruckus

        Happened to me, twice.

  • http://dontshootmessenger.blogspot.com Pete Schweddy _T

    "After coming back from a friend’s wine tasting we went to bed and he started to kiss me. I liked it and went along, only to wake up in the morning and remember only half of it."

    So you liked it and went along with it, and because ***in the morning*** you only remember half of it, you consider yourself raped? Did you enjoy the half you remember? Do you remember saying stop and he kept going? I despise rape, but I recognize that you can't be raped retroactively. If you did not tell your husband that your consumption level was past the relaxed/drunk borderline, and you did everything, and reacted every way, you normally do, and at no time did you indicate that you did not want to continue doing what you were doing, what did he have to go on to indicated he was having sex with you without your consent? For the part of me that wants to give a little extra compassion, I look to your first incident while dating. You said stop, and he stopped. And he was traumatized by it. It appears that your husband is as good a man as you say he is, and you need to at least assess yourself some of the responsibility for your actions and not make your actions his total responsibility. I'm really sorry you feel bad, but you can't use memory loss as a basis for a rape claim if your intention prior to your memory loss was to have sex… at least I don't believe so.

  • http://www.dndeuce.tumblr.com BoutNothin

    " in our house.. you don’t even get a say in the matter of whether you be the penetrating or the penetrated."

    Word? I don't think I've ever had that kinda love in a relationship. Or ever will.

  • http://tracytrips.com TracyTrips

    " in our house.. you don’t even get a say in the matter of whether you be the penetrating or the penetrated."

    Yep. Some days I can't even hang up a damn shirt without gettin knocked into it from a big boulder comin at me from behind.

    And drunk? PLEASE. When you exchange vows one of them should be:

    If thee gets drunketh during the eveningtide then I have the righteth to inserteth my appendage in any and every oriface on thine nubile body.

    • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

      "If thee gets drunketh during the eveningtide then I have the righteth to inserteth my appendage in any and every oriface on thine nubile body."

      When I renew my vows, this will definitelyl be in it!

    • CaraQ301

      Tracy made me snort so hard!!!

    • guitargrrrl76

      "If thee gets drunketh during the eveningtide then I have the righteth to inserteth my appendage in any and every oriface on thine nubile body."

      I just fell in love with you.

    • Lately25

      I've never been married, but if the subject comes up one day, I'm making sure to slide this lil honeycomb over to him! I don't wanna that 'I ain't know' shiz later, hmph!

  • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

    Wait. Is this a Dear OHN letter or Punk'd? I'm so confused.

    So, lemme get this straight. I hope this is a Dear OHN letter because BAAAAAAAAAAAABY…you are PHUCK NUTS and I cannot and will not. Not yet, anyways.

  • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/ Beth Lanai

    if you liked it and went along with it but later don't remember either

    1 you were tore the fugg up

    or

    2 your husband is a lowsy screw!

    I don't drink but my ex loved messing with me in the middle of the damn night…ugh! but trust and believe he was a freakin' great lay so yes I remembered it and was wide the fugg awake during it…

    talking about being half sleep and fuggin' I don't know what kind of men y'all fuggin' with

    but anyway

    like I said

    she

    is

    crazy

    !!!

    • Lately25

      Baaay BAY!!! I think that's one of the only reasons I miss my ex! That dam* middle of the night, early morning 'slide in', like BAM! And you wake up all hella confused, but you moving with the motion of the ocean, Sweet Lawdy Lawd!…. Woooo, I sense a cold shower in my future!

  • DMarioIsajerk

    this is how i got a son.

    :)

  • Damelo Suave

    I thought surprise sex was some of the best kind…

    It seems like she has an issue with her body & sex period. You're married, got drunk, and did what married people do – what's the problem? If you wanna remember it, don't drink so much *shrug*

    I say this cuz there's nothing in this letter that suggests an abusive relationship; maybe she needs to see a therapist about her issues…

    • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

      Wake up sex IS the great!
      Drunk sex with spouse is even better!

      • DeeBeeR

        Yes and yes.

    • Tracie T-Dawg Smith

      Yeah, I think the drinking may be a bigger problem than the drunk sex in this situation.

      • http://dontshootmessenger.blogspot.com Pete Schweddy _T

        It does appear that way… doesn't it!

    • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

      Man, surprise drunk sex is that deal

    • CaraQ301

      I ain't gonna say how I molested my husband while being drunk as fugg! I thought I was the ISH, stumbling and giggling and ish (UP the stairs at that!). But once we were in the bedroom, and he wasn't paying attention (he was in mid lecture because I don't usually drink that much without him)… Becky! After that, it was ON!

      We were both looking at each other, feeling a bit guilty, when he says, "You need to go to happy hour more often… shit!" And I laughed, then belched… then got a lot of damn water and demanded he feed me.

      Shit, we married and been together for a total of 12 yrs. Sneak sex is like winning the lottery in our house!

  • bsmuv

    Simple bytches like this make life really hard to live. Fuck it how about I go a different route…..

    If this is a born again christian and she loves the Lord and is a follower of Christ. Let us go to the Bible and see what it has to say about the matter:
    1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

    So enjoy the dack and have a Coke and some Baby Batter Simple Heffa.

  • blu4577

    This cant be life. THIS CANT BE LIFE!

    She came to the wrong place to get sympathy/advice for this. HOw many times has someone had to be sent to the corner or sprayed in here?

    Man can we get more surprise dack and drucken nights por favor?

    • Tester70

      "Man can we get more surprise dack and drucken nights por favor?"

      I concur

  • http://www.ohellnawl.com Slausito Ramirez.

    psssh.. just take your hands off my throat every few minutes and ask if i'm ok… i don't ask for much.

    • OHNCantTakeIt

      If I'm not sore and/or bruised in some fashion, I clearly didn't have a good time.

  • FubsyNumbles

    Firstly:

    ”…he woke me up in the middle of the night and started to have sex with me. I was dozing and still drunk and, yes, I took my panties off myself. But when I realized that it was not OK for him to make advances on me in my state, I pushed him away and ran out. He later felt so bad he wanted to turn himself in for rape. I was very confused and thought at times that I was overreacting and at others that I was raped.”

    This isn’t rape. Rape is when it is against one’s wishes. He had no idea it was against her wishes until she said so, at which point the process stopped. That she chose to say no in this instance will have been frustrating for him – and I do feel for him, because it sounds like she overreacted. But it was not rape. She was, in my opinion, perfectly within her rights – even as a married woman (in fact, as a person, full stop, no matter what her marital status was or is) – to decide to say “no”. She was definite and firm about it, so that means it was a “no” in my book.

  • FubsyNumbles

    Secondly:

    ”However, we just found ourselves in a very similar situation. After coming back from a friend’s wine tasting we went to bed and he started to kiss me. I liked it and went along, only to wake up in the morning and remember only half of it.”

    This one is simpler. It’s bullshyt. He started to kiss you, and then you fell asleep because you were drunk. He may have stopped because your breath stank and you farted constantly for all she knows. He may have treated her to the best sex she’s ever had, or will ever have, but because she was drunk, she’ll never know. Maybe she shouldn’t get drunk so much……

  • FubsyNumbles

    Thirdly:

    Did the inebriated Lady C send this in this morning…..?

    ::Scarpers….::

    • CaraQ301

      Haaaaa! *goes to make fun of someone*

    • OHNCantTakeIt

      I TOLD you to molest my drunk azz last night, so hush.

  • http://www.ohellnawl.com Slausito Ramirez.

    I don't know of a single woman who doesn't occasionally enjoy some whore sex. I'm sure they exist… i'm just saying I don't personally know of any.

    matter of fact, no matter how dirty and nasty you think that chick is you are dating….. no sex compares to that from a woman who trusts you completely in every way.. physically..mentally…etc.

    she..will… put it ON you.

    • CaraQ301

      AMEN! And I'm a friggin prude! I don't walk around my house buck naked, but let me feel all fancy (or tipsy)…. his ass will be looking at me like, "Where the HELL you get that from? Oh Cosmo! You need to make sure you renew that subscription, then… I'LL even pay for it!" or "So you got this from that blog? Um, I would be concerned, but if you read something else interesting…" lol

      Hmpf. Had my mama discreetly ask why I had bruises/bite marks on my shoulders and ish. (That was SO embarrassing and my Grammy just winked and laughed at me! Told me good job and everything! I love that heffa… at 75, she aintshyt and don't care who knows it!)

    • Lately25

      Bless the wisdom in you Old Wise Ashy One!… LMAO

    • OHNCantTakeIt

      THIS.RIGHT.HERE.

  • SiggyLuz

    boooooolshyt!!!

    Im not married, but if you're feeling well, and you're not on your lady time, and you're drunk……fair game, if his your husband….I'd think that'd be the best damn sex ever.

    the hell kinda rape is that????
    smh

    women logic

  • Tracie T-Dawg Smith

    I really think the drinking's the problem here, not the sex, consensual or otherwise. I also want to pipe in, seriously, as someone who's been put into sexual situations against her will, that when I consented to marry my husband (that's what all the "I do" and "I will" and shyt is all about), that was a universal consent. From me, to my husband-I'm not trying to say that it works that way for everyone, but it works that way for us.

    I really think this lady's issues are a lot deeper than whether or not drunk sex between married people is rape. It really sounds like this is not a working marriage, that's for sure, whether because she's incapable or he's rapey is not my call. Although, given this chick's own words, I feel more sympathy for her husband than I do her. Fubsy, above me really nailed my whole opinion.

    • CaraQ301

      Perhaps she's been violated in her past and is projecting. If so, like you and others, I think she needs to get help.

      In fact, they need to be in couple's counseling.

      • caratime2

        That's exactly what I thought, too, Q!

      • http://dontshootmessenger.blogspot.com Pete Schweddy _T

        I was thinking the same thing and had posted it, but deleted it because I didn't think it needed to come from a man first.

  • Tester70

    Yeah… Nothing about this is rape hun…baby girl you have some mental blockage that needs SEVERE therapy. NO, SERIOUSLY, something has happened to you that you're repressing please seek help immediately. By your testimony you have a good man do not run him away.

  • justme81

    This is a joke letter, right? I mean, this can't be real life for someone, can it? O.o

    As someone who's been married before, lemme tell you something: half-asleep sex is awesome, the best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup.

    • CaraQ301

      Fugg you, heffa! LOL <3

  • Kat_Coll

    They weren't married at the time. She says so here: when we were in our early 20s and had just fallen in love AND they didn't have sex since she ran out. She went on to marry the guy. He had drunken sex with her again, this time with her consent: I liked it and went along. She should understand that her spouse gets horny when he gets hammered and cut out the drinking. Was she raped? No. My gut tells me that she just wants an excuse to get out of her marriage and is willing to use him for that. Hell, I'm pretty sure if she went to Gloria Allred with this even that attention ho of an amublance chaser would tell her "Bytch, get gone!".

  • Marina Lasanya

    if you want to remember your o's and moments of freakiness, don't drink when you're about to get some. alcohol already affects your thought processes, and drunk sex (fantastiiiiiic!) can leave you able to not remember some things further (sober sex can do that to you, too, albeit it it's rare). but if you can get that loose at a wine tasting, i think alcohol isn't the best recreational partner for you. don't destroy this man's life because honestly, he didn't do anything. if there's gnat is in your ear, you need to squish it because it's giving you some dangerous advice.

    simply put, if you're not comfy being sexed while sloshed, tell him no. if he goes against that, THEN it's a problem.

    • CaraQ301

      He needs to see her drinking as a red flag and stay the hell away from her. I wouldn't even touch her after all this BS, but especially not after she's been drinking. Hell, not even after taking Nyquil! Keep it safe!

      • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

        Fugg that. I'd be on the couch if I was him and either one of us had been drinking. And that is no way to have a marriage.

  • http://tracytrips.com TracyTrips

    If we go out and I get drunk…It's just a given that my ass is gonna hurt the next day.

    • cakes_and_pies

      One weekend my ex got drunk and I didn't. He said he was too drunk and I mushed his face so hard he rolled off onto the floor and he couldn't move. I didn't care. You given up them draws. You don't have to be 100% coherent.
      He woke up on the floor with scuffed elbows and rug burns.

  • http://tracytrips.com TracyTrips

    And I'd imagine…this chick is LOOKIN for a reason to leave. Instead of just sayin she's out…she's tryin to find a way to put the blame on HIM.

    • Marina Lasanya

      i got that too. but if that's truly the case, i hate that she's going this route. just tell him that you're unhappy like a woman and leave. i get that it isn't easy, but to make him into a monster is a despicable thing to do.

  • TheUndeniable

    If I read this correctly, the bigger issue is the fact that (in her mind) he essentially reneged on their agreement when he didn't get consent:

    "This led to an agreement that he shouldn’t be afraid of coming close to me in similar situations as long as he asked my consent."

    In her mind, because she was drunk, she couldn't properly give consent. The problem is, they were BOTH drunk. In principle, she's holding him to a standard despite the fact that they were BOTH in a similar state of inebriation. This sounds extremely unfair, because how can she accuse him of maintaining his faculties and taking advantage of her drunken willingness when he was JUST as drunk?

    Some folks think that that sentiment maintains a rape culture ideology, but I disagree. Men are no better at making sound decisions while drunk than women are when they're drunk. If he was sober while she was drunk, then she'd technically be on to something. The reality is, marital rape DOES happen.

    This situation here though? I disagree that it's an instance of rape. Him reneging on their agreement? That's not as clear-cut as she (or we) may think it is.

    • caratime2

      "… In principle, she's holding him to a standard despite the fact that they were BOTH in a similar state of inebriation…

      THIS!

      This is the problem I have with holding both genders to different standards where rape/sexual assault is concerned. I've never forgotten the story of some chick in college accusing a guy of rape. They were both drinking at a party and had (consensual!) sex. But – after the fact – she said that (because of her drunken state) she hadn't given consent to him, but rather to her fantasy lover. Therefore what ole boy did was actually rape. Like the poor guy was supposed to know how bat-shyte crazy she was?!?!?

      Don't even get me started on the married (German) woman who felt sexually assaulted because her husband pressed his erection against her…

      The only times I would be p.o.'d about drunken sex with an SO/husband would be:

      1. I am on the verge of puking, and
      2. I am not using BC and we have actively discussed/agreed on not trying to get pregnant.

      • TheUndeniable

        I've never forgotten the story of some chick in college accusing a guy of rape. They were both drinking at a party and had (consensual!) sex. But – after the fact – she said that (because of her drunken state) she hadn't given consent to him, but rather to her fantasy lover. Therefore what ole boy did was actually rape.</>

        O__o

        How did THAT turn out??

        • caratime2

          This was back in the 80's and – if memory serves me well – he was convicted. Which was my point. She was somehow deemed to be in need of additional protection because of her drunken state, whereas his (equal) drunkenness made him even more criminally culpable.

          • http://dontshootmessenger.blogspot.com Pete Schweddy _T

            That's insane… but in the 80's that's how things were handled. The only rights were the right to remain silent and hire a lawyer.

  • blu4577

    Kind of a slap in the face to those who've actually been raped

  • Goliano

    He needs to divorce her ass before he winds up insane (like her), behind bars on some dumb shit or dead.

  • Virtual Virgo

    I understand that this is how she feels. I don't think this is rape. I can't tell someone else how to feel, but BISH, please STOP DRINKING!

  • Lately25

    "i’m not trying to say too much buuuuuuut some days .. in our house.. you don’t even get a say in the matter of whether you be the penetrating or the penetrated."….. I'll be DAM*ED if you don't sound like my ex, like you took the words right out of that silverback's mouth! LMMFAO

    But Umm…. So this happened the 1st time, ya'll kept dating and it eventually led to marriage, and NOW you wanna divorce him b/c he 'took advantage' of you again? Do I have that right??? GTFOH…. Girl BYE! Tell us the REAL reason you're ready to leave your man, because I KNOW it can't be for this BS!

    Now on a serious note, sista it sounds like you might need a lil bit of counseling, b/c something just isn't right with you, it sounds like.

  • CaspercutieSTL

    Before even thinking about divorce, you and your husband should have a very frank conversation. Honestly
    ask and TELL what you expect sexually from one another. And if you feel you need a third party for help,
    then please seek couple counseling.

  • OHNCantTakeIt

    Everybody's said it all, I don't need to add shyt except for: 1) the fool needs to realize how wonderful a husband she has and 2) she needs some hypno-therapy to find out what the hell she's blocking so she can get past it and stop blaming an innocent man.

  • CaraQ301

    Even Prudence isn't for this nonsense.

  • http://vintadelickfunk.blogspot.com/ Chemcutie

    As a friend of someone who was actually raped by her husband (complete with being held down, choked while on the bed, clothes ripped off all the while she was screaming no and fighting him), this sounds like a slap to her face. I think that honestly this lady needs to seek some professional counsel as to her feelings. Who knows, maybe she was violated in her childhood and there are unresolved issues there that are resurfacing. But seriously, after she gets her own counseling, they BOTH need marital counseling.

  • aliciapdx

    <img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A5YrlTZ6z64/TlWwLhdpV7I/AAAAAAAAPGo/O1yjVpF6vBY/s1600/surprise-buttsex.jpg&quot; alt="Pulpit rock" width="504" height="428" />

  • aliciapdx

    ((putting serious therapist hat on))

    This women clearly has been sexually abused in her life. I have had couples that created this consent contract where express consent needs to be given in a "Can I touch you?" before even the smallest bit of touching can take place. This man is triggering her and leading her to past events. Her options as I see it are 1) counseling individually then couples to work through it or 2) leave him in order to be "safe.''

    I hope he knew about her past issues before he dated/married her because this isn't fair to him for him to mind read her past issues.

  • ChiTown_Clown

    I don't advocate divorce but this dude needs to leave ASAP. He keep fuggin around and might end up in jail. My wife knows that at any moment she can and will be violated in some way (please judge). Say no if she wants to…she better sleep with one eye open cuz ……..ima cummin….. (with or with out her)

  • Natalia

    A couple of weeks ago I was in a dark period in my life, the man I love to bits had gone off with someone else, that was when I was told about this Dr. Lee. Well he told me he could see that we would get back together that gave me hope, and he was right, because this week we have moved in with each other and are so happy. A big thank you to Dr. Lee. If you are in need of an angel please get in touch with my Dr. Lee via: Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com

  • VisualInsanity

    Silly blog. If my wife had sex with me well I was drug I wouldn’t care.