: from Dear Prudence :
My husband is kind, supportive, funny, generous, smart, and loving. However, I feel like I must divorce him. Six years ago, when we were in our early 20s and had just fallen in love, after a night of partying and drinking, he woke me up in the middle of the night and started to have sex with me. I was dozing and still drunk and, yes, I took my panties off myself. But when I realized that it was not OK for him to make advances on me in my state, I pushed him away and ran out. He later felt so bad he wanted to turn himself in for rape. I was very confused and thought at times that I was overreacting and at others that I was raped. We painfully worked through this, but the incident made my husband very reluctant about having sex. This led to an agreement that he shouldn’t be afraid of coming close to me in similar situations as long as he asked my consent. This made us feel better and I felt secure again. However, we just found ourselves in a very similar situation. After coming back from a friend’s wine tasting we went to bed and he started to kiss me. I liked it and went along, only to wake up in the morning and remember only half of it. Now I am in the same painful spot I was before and I can’t fathom how he could have ignored our agreement. Should I just drop it or am I right about feeling abused? —Confused
Let me get this right… they are married.. they had a little bit to drink.. got drunk.. made out… and woke up to the fact her husband put penis inside her…. and now she want to divorce him?
I don’t mean to be insensitive here….. and i’m not at all i any way of course endorsing rapey azz rape. But can this really be called rape!??? REAAALLLLLLY, people?? Can it?? I’m curious because… i’m not trying to say too much buuuuuuut some days .. in our house.. you don’t even get a say in the matter of whether you be the penetrating or the penetrated. I’m not saying, I’m just saying. So to hear about something like what this woman is talking about and how she feels like she needs to divorce him, I can’t help but to sit here like..
sorry… but I can’t relate. Last time I checked, unless you adamantly proclaimed: “No” before hand and or was violently forced into, there is no gatdamn date rape in marriage.
If you are laying there and your genitals are available for enjoyment by your spouse, shyt is faaaaair game.
That’s just me.
Marriage is a compleeeeetely different damn game than dating.
There isn’t a damn couple reading this who haven’t awakened in the middle of the night and asked:” What in the world are you doing back/down there????” and if you haven’t, you are doing marriage alllllllllwrong. I’m just saying.
Want to be happily married a long while with spice in the bedroom even after many a years? Have sex every so often in a manner that tells the other person that their very well-being isn’t a factor.
Kind of ish where you aren’t sure if you should call the police or not afterwards.
just saying….. this woman is out of her mind in my book.
But i could be wrong….
what say you?