From guest writer: Zuly
This post is not going to be about what you think it’s going to be about. I figured I’d tell you that upfront so I don’t have anyone cussing me out in the comments.
A couple of weeks ago this article ran on News One:
Speaking at a campaign office opening for Mitt Romney in Orange Park, Florida, Lt. Governor Jennifer Carroll spoke out about the sex scandal she’s found herself involved in since Carletha Cole claimed that she witnessed Carroll and a top aide, Beatriz Ramos, in a “compromising position” inside Carroll’s office.
“The problem is that when you have these accusations that come out, it’s not just one person you’re attacking,” Carroll said. “It’s an entire family. My husband doesn’t want to hear that. He knows the type of woman I am. I mean, my kids know the type of woman I am. For twenty-nine years – I’m the one that’s married for twenty-nine years. The accuser is the one that’s been single for a long time. So usually black women that look like me don’t engage in relationships like that.”
Cole was allegedly given a polygraph test. When she was asked did she answer truthfully about “observing a sexually compromising position in the Capital”, a retired FDLE agent said “she passed,” according to 10News.
The article goes on to talk about the criminal case currently going on against Jennifer Carroll, but that’s not really important to the content of this post, so if you want to learn more about it feel free to click on the source link. What’s important to the content of this post is this particular sentence: “So usually black women that look like me don’t engage in relationships like that.”
Now, I’m confused about what she’s trying to say. Black women who look like her can’t be lesbians (or bisexual, as the case may be)? Or that the reason women are lesbians is that they look a certain way?
Here is a picture of Carroll, by the way:
She’s pretty. Right?
So here’s the thing…there’s been a lot of talk about the LGBT community lately. Whether it’s about Chic-Fil-A or what it means to be bisexual or what certain groups of people do or don’t look like, and I’m sitting here wondering. What the f*ck? Seriously. Why do people have no problem discussing this one group as if they’re a bunch of lab rats but don’t ever consider what it says about THEM or the wider implications of what they’re saying? I really want to know. If you support (for example) limiting the rights of a group of people just because you have an opposing opinion, why would it then not be okay for another person to turn around on YOU and say “hey, this is my opinion, so I’m gonna try my damned hardest to limit your rights”? You know what I think? I think it’s because (some) people don’t see the LGBT community as legitimate whole beings.
Either you’re wrong because you love the same sex or you’re wrong because you don’t choose a “side” or you’re wrong because you look a certain way and therefore must be xyz.
Now back to the original comment: what does she mean black women who look like her? Does she mean black women who look like this:
Can’t be lesbians?
…That’s my girlfriend by the way. Isn’t she f*cking gorgeous? Yes. I’m bragging. Deal with it. Point is, she’s a lesbian. So now I’m confused. What do Black lesbians look like? WHY can’t Black women who look like Carroll be lesbians? Can we make similar assumptions about other groups? Does that mean that men who look like Prince can’t be straight? (Actually I think that one might be a valid assumption…)
Black women who have relaxed hair can’t be progressive.
White women who look like Monica Lewinsky can’t be good secretaries.
Men who have long hair can’t be straight. Men who have arm tattoos can’t be gay.
Do y’all see how completely ABSURD this is?!?! So why, WHY I ask: Why is it okay for people to make these wild, idiotic statements about the LGBT community–that they wouldn’t otherwise make about other groups–without blinking an eye? People are obessed with labels. And for now, it’s popular to make assumptions (of all kinds) about this particular group.
Wherever you stand on any LGBT issue, the next time you make a statement I want you to ask yourself a question: What are the bigger implications of what I’m saying?
When you say someone is straight/gay/etc because of the way they look, how can that then be turned around on you?
When you say that someone is straight/gay/etc because of what they enjoy sexually (and not even WHO) what is that saying about you? What is that saying about how you view relationships?
When you say someone is straight/gay/etc because of something they do or wear or eat or whatever, how well would that statement stand up to some good, logical questions?
The point is, you can have opinions of any kind. You can make assumptions of any kind. You are 100% entitled to that. However, you can expect those opinions and assumptions to be questioned by intelligent people, and in many cases, just a few good questions will topple the validity of your statements like a house of cards in the wind.
Now on to the important part of this post: let’s post some pictures of hot women and then try to pick out which are the lesbians/bisexuals and which are the straight ones. Who’s your favorite lesbian?
…Also, you can post your thoughts about what Carroll said. I guess. If you feel like it. 
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“So usually black women that look like me don’t engage in relationships like that.”
This statement speaks to "Mrs" Carroll's ignorance. However, I'm afraid her sentiment runs rampant particularly in the black community. You see, you can't be feminine and be a lesbian. Nah, you're too pretty to be liking girls. Oh, the horror! The absolute fvcking horror! No, you have to be butch, short close cropped hair, or natural hair, dress like a boy and try to immulate masculine behaviors (think about that chick from the HBO series The Wire).
SMDH…
Oh, and BTW…your girlfriend is GORGEOUS!!!
And her girlfriend is so nice! She's even prettier in person. I got to have dinner with them when I was in NY. Yeah. Don't hate me, LOL!
How much you wanna bet Snoop (from the Wire) was pulling mad femme chicks?
I'm sure she was. But that begs a totally different question I have. LOL
See, I thought chocl8t was talking about Kima, but yeah, Snoop too!
Did u eva c the pic of Snoop all glammed up? I dont know to post pics or get by the job firewall…sowwee
It is not actually her ignorance, but she is relying on the ignorance of the state of Florida(!!!ha) and their mindset when it comes to stereotypical images of gay or lesbian people, in an attempt to denounce this situation. Her saying she is too beautiful to be a lesbian is her way to call it a lie and blame the woman who saw her in the uncompromising clinch. It's a good tactic to play when caught in a situation that would be against your party's platform and deemed hypocritical.
You know what I've found out? The majority of humans are really stupid. That's all I can say at this point. Ignorance makes me sad.
I'd like to see her bring that "black women who look like me can't be in those kinds of relationships" statement to Wanda Sykes.
I want to ask, why in this day and age do people still hold onto outdated and ridiculous stereotypes, but then I thought better of it.
*Channels Folk*
Where are the hot women? Folk folk folk tidday greyliens fvck fvck folk tidday!
U funny Folk likes. Where are da tiddays!?!?
Um…Zuly…I'd totally walk up on your girl in a grocery store.Thanx for nothing.
… i still might, shyt.
reminds me of when I tell people that my baby sister is a lesbian.
<img src="http://media-cache0.pinterest.com/upload/214765475950290928_i2l0Zt0b_f.jpg">
they always look boggled by it and the response is usually the exact same: "But…damn… she is so fine though! Why si she a lesbian! She could get any man she wants!"
that is usually when I walk away…
Equally offensive is when you see a fine azz man and someone says he's gay…the typical response from women? "Ugh, what a waste."
Seriously betch? You've summed this man's total life to a waste because he doesn't like vagina?
GTFOH
yeah, one of my homies i worked with years ago was also an underwear model on the side. Black and japanese dude. When women found out he was gay, they would damn near get ladders to try and box God in the face.
One of the chicks in the office literally hated him for the fact she had no chance at getting him and was pretty much a bytch to ol boy at every turn. He had to change departments because he said that heffa made it a hostile work environment ever since he told her he was Gay, and that when she came on to him at an office party, he told her there was No chance.
Oh I don't think it's that serious
most times I've heard people make that "what a waste" comment was done tongue and cheek…like dammit I can't holla…lol
not saying his entire life was a waste…
but then I don't hang out with a lot of stupid, foolish people so….
Nah, they mean it. How do I know? I've asked if they were serious. A waste that they can't get with him. A waste in their religious eyes. A waste that another black man in Atlanta is gay.
ain't all black men in ATL gay though
lmao just kidding
fortunately for me…I don't know ignorant folks like that…
HA!!! Not all of them but there are a lot of them here…which is why so many women in the A are bitter as hayle! LOL
that's why i think her comment is stupid. i've driven down peachtree many nights and outside that club you'll say gay dudes of all types…so there isn't one particular type.
You're in Atlanta? Didn't know that. And yes gay men here are hard to detect if going on looks alone.
yeah been here 6 years now.
Your sister looks so full of life!!! I want to be her friend!!!
: sniff sniff : that is my baby and I love her. I really need to get to atl and visit her. i've only seen her thrice in the past 3 years and 2 of those times were because our parents died.
Dang, your sister is hot – what happened to you?
whats funny is i "look like a lesbo"…but i get hit on by big strapping marine-ish looking dudes on the regular…my partner gets hit on by…well everydamn body…as do a lot of women who are attractive and carry themselves well…shrugging…
and my babe made me change my profile pic…sigh…and i was serving yall exquisite lesbian tattooed back profile to the GAWDS!…but this crazy yella heffa is pretty cute to see too…
and WE both would head turn at Zuly's woman! =)
Here's one for you:
Why is it that reasonably fit ,articulate,"hi-yella" black men ( like myself) are assumed to be on "the down low"? This is'nt just sistas who assume this.Wealthy white men come on to me with an unnerving level of comfort.
It's still amusing after all these years.
I hold Terry McMillian partially responsible for that and Oprah for exasperating the issue in terms of what DL men supposedly look like.
My half-brother, who was also given an fantastic stripper-like name, gets accused of being DL all of the time.
I've never heard this before…
you know I'm beginning to really love that I'm from a small town in Ohio
cause y'all big city folks encounter foolishness on a level I don't ever want to experience…
Women that look like me aren't lesbians = Damn, I wanna lick a tasty box right now, but errybody thinks I'm straight….
''tasty box''?For real tho?———————->>>>>>>>>
Basically.
Back in my early 20's I dated this chick that was the walking definition of ''Fine azz Black Queen''.Whenever ''C'' and I would go out to straight clubs,the first thing out of fools' mouths was''ya'll don't look Gay'.You two are some bad bishes'''' But when we went to Gay clubs like LaRays' or the waterworks,guess what?no questions or comments..WTF does gay or in my case try-sexual(I'm freaky like that) look like?I hate,hate,HATE Labels and stereotypical perceptions of what something is or isn't.
"Try-sexual"
o_O
I'm afraid you got's to go wit' your cus up there ———————————–>>
….try-sexual = greedy
i'll go, but I'm taking Snacks for me and F&F<img src="http://i1069.photobucket.com/albums/u478/chidiva1/69abfc5a.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket">
**kicks stuff over on my way to the corner, too**
**more snacks for us banished to the corner<img src="http://i1069.photobucket.com/albums/u478/chidiva1/19844392.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket">We can have fresh cheese to go with the donuts
so this is how swis cheese is made? i learn something new every day…
Yes,and this is how it also gets it's creamy flavor …..lol
Ewwww! Ha!
I knew it was anotha reason u got me all enamored witchu lol
What I never understood is why my sexual orientation was of such interest to people. When I worked at this place in Michigan, my sexuality was constantly being discussed. All interested parties were women and black.
What gives? I even had one lady try to "clock" me in a sense by asking me randomly what the name of some leather shop was in Royal Oak. Bytch, I knew it was Noir Leather, but I wasn't going to let you know that I knew because it would've been more fodder for gossip.
Strange thing, once I moved to Pdx, folks thought I was str8. Sooo, yeah…
NOIR LEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…sniff….
Leland City Club?
MAN…Wednesday nights was the bomb at City Club! I managed to fall asleep in there once…I was so tired.
I miss that place!! Sweated/drank/otherthings soooooo much of my 20s there…
i don't understand it either….
I accidentally deleted my long comment (you're saved), so I'll just say that the woman that made that statement said something really stupid… but it was probably based in a really stupid belief she already had. And your girlfriend has replaced Portia de Rossi as my favorite gay woman… and that is no easy task.
this heffa is just ignant…ignant for no reason. she is jumping on that bandwagon that lesbians look like da brat and gay men look like ru paul. that's far from correct. sounds like she's using that as an excuse to convince herself she didn't do it.
I am retiring as a stalker and finally commenting…for now lol. All of this whether it be this foolish azz lady or all the CFA mess is ridiculous. I don't "look gay". I don't "talk black" (wheatever that means) either. I'm just me. I think that makes people crazy because I don't want to be a man. Don't want to be Rainbow Robin, the gay super activist. I don't want to be the ambassador of gay for every sheltered azz straight person from my small town. And people take offense to all that. Go figure.
dang i gotta a good pic for ya'll too bad i cant figure out how to post it..djm
You can upload it to tinypic.com
I know you said important things but my brain kinda flatlined when you put up that picture of your girlfriend. And to hear she's nice to boot? Oh yeah, color me envious (of both of you).
I don't know if she meant people that "look" like her looks-wise or if she was saying "people who look like her" meaning, married 29 years and having kids. Either way, she's wrong. Women who "look" like her looks-wise and life-wise can totally be lesbians or bisexual. She's just stuck in some ignorant mindset.
I have a coworker who is a beautiful sister. She is always glammed up, hair perfect, nails perfect, the kind of booty that makes you fellas drool. A lot of the dudes at work have approached her and she turned them all down. Imagine their shock one day when this very butch sister came to the job and gave her flowers, kissed her, and took her to lunch. All the comments were "She to fine to be gay!", "what a waste of good p*ssy!", etc.
"… butch sister came to the job and gave her flowers, kissed her, and took her to lunch."
Apparently its not being wasted….her boo thang is making sure she is well kept. IJS
Lol – my thoughts exactly.
These same people will tut-tut at their neighbour's tom-boy, dress-hating daughter, without thinking that their own girly, pink-princess-everything might bring a lady home over Spring Break. Seriously, they need to ease their heads out of their sphincters and let some fresh air/common sense in.
True, they are some people that love to put their sexuality out on front street, but usually there are underlying factors in that. Some people swear they have a gaydar, I use to be one of them. I have friends that I knew were gay, but them coming out to me wasn't a surprise or shock, it was just their time to tell me. Had one friend in college that stopped hanging out with the crew because he thought we would reject him for being gay. We were more pissed that he stopped letting us come by the crib for shots and Super Nintendo. (it ws the 90s) Lately, I've been having a better time hanging out with lesbians. We all know from jump that there are no expectations, just going out to kick it, good time had by all.
I just want to thank Zuly for taking the time to write this…I know she has been busy but she still took time for me…cause she loves me!!!! lol
I agree with a few of the other responses. This comment is obviously a very ignorant comment. Regardless of her education or position she must not have thought that statement through before she said it. I think she was trying to prove to herself more than anyone else that she was not caught in a questionable situation with another woman. She must not know that there are plenty of women who have been married for longer period of time than she has been married that come out the closet and embrace their sexuality. I think society has a way of puttting everyone into a box. Unfortunately for her she has to try to rationalize the reason as to why she can't possibly be gay. She is a very pretty woman but there are even prettier women who are lesbians. Looks has nothing to do with sexuality.