Last week in the Men’s RoundTable we took on the issue of prideful hubris and fiscal responsibility. Our panel drew on their past experiences and wisdom to offer measured responses that placed logic over emotion..
The side piece. The friend with benefits. The f**k buddy. All the fancy (and classy) names the kids throw around these days for a story that is certainly not new — but seriously fellas, What’s the Deal?
Dear Men’s Roundtable,
I need your help on this situation which doesn’t seem to be getting ANY damn better and I can’t seem to win for losing.
Every guy I meet and ‘hook-up’ with seems to always leave me without warning, provocation or any type of communication! Every damn one! These guys approach ME with their smiles and attentive nature to get closer, ask me out, smang, or whatever. Then like clockwork they all dip out without saying a thing!
I am NOT ugly and I am NOT stuck-up. Yes I’m a little heavy at a size 18, but dammit I am WELL put together and I hold it well!
I cook, I clean, I suck, f**k, spit, swallow, pay my mortgage, make very good money and I let a man have his space. All the things you men say you want in a woman but then leave a girl in the rain and wanting to break the windows out of your car and your momma’s house!
I don’t play games because I am a grown woman who knows what she wants and I don’t see a need for those silly Steve Harvey chapters about waiting XYZ amount of days to have sex.
I am everything guys say they want but still I simply can not hold on to a guy for longer than a few months!
To make matters worse, when they do contact me again it seems they always have a girlfriend, a fiancé, a WIFE and they want me to be their side chick.
I want to be the main meal — Not the side dish.
What am I doing wrong?
We presented this letter to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Men from all across the country offered advice and opinions — and let me tell you, things got pretty real this time around. Here are some of the highlights:
She kinda sounds like a dude with a vagina. And if that’s the way she’s acting , then he the reason he won’t wife is you ‘cuz he doesn’t have to. You’re giving it up AND giving him his own space AND feeding him? Heck, I’d keep you around as much as possible — until I found someone I wanna be with.
All the benefits, none of the hassle? *shrug*
She’s a yes woman. Giving dudes whatever she thinks they want at the time in the hope that they will stay. And men ain’t s**t. We get what we want and if there’s nothing left to offer or you don’t lay down some rules, we will dip! It ain’t right at all. But she should already know this as a woman, and she needs to change what she is willing to give out. Stop sucking, swallowing, and all that and establish some rules for yourself.
We aint s**t sometimes and lie to get the goods. And once we get em…we are out. If she is messing with dudes from the same small town they may know her rep which doesn’t help her. And if she is doing main girl s**t from day one it can work against her. Ladies can think like a man all they want but once they start acting like us they’ll see the other side of the game. All the spit and swallow talk makes it seem like that is all she has to offer. And the whole break windows thing….that crazy crap will make any dude run fast.
I told my mom I wanted to marry my girlfriend and she interrogated the fugg out of me. She asked, “What does she do for you?” I said, “Everything! She cooks, cleans, irons my clothes, even wrote papers for me in college.” Then she asked “What do you do for her?” – I answered, “I know how to satisfy her”. I have never seen moms laugh so hard. She told me, “A real woman doesn’t break out all the tricks for everybody — and then ended with “How you think I got yo daddy!?”
Good sex doesn’t equal good character (I think that’s true of both men and women) — so if sexy time is always on the menu then it becomes easier for guys to compartmentalize and justify. I’ll go watch a rom-com if I know it’s gonna be worth it at the end of the evening. But I suspect she’s making the mistake of thinking that I actually like rom-coms the same as she does just because I’m willing to sit through them on dates. The truth is that guys want a real connection just as much as women do. The difference is that until we find that perfect steak dinner, we WILL eat at Longhorn if it’s open.
I don’t get when women give that line “I’m everything a man wants — I cook, I clean, etc.” First, not every guy has the same wants/needs. But secondly, are you just doing all this stuff because it’s your personality or because you think it’s what you need to do to get a man? Ain’t nothing worse than a chick that is just doing stuff to just to make a guy happy when you know it ain’t her thing, then you have to hear how she “is always x, y and z for you.” That’s just like a guy giving a chick lip service by only telling her what she wants to hear.
Personally I think she is giving out too much too fast. She is throwing all her cards out on the table at once and then wondering why she never has a winning hand. In other words, stop giving ninjas what they want. Do you, boo-boo. Sounds like you’re worth it, but haven’t figured it out yet.
*adjusts Bachelor Degree of Psychology on Wall*
“…and wanting to break the windows out of your car and your momma’s house!?”
Ummm…bitch, you CRAZY!
I don’t know of a dude who hasn’t said to himself or his boys, “She’s mad cool…but I dunno about wife material.” And whatever your moral/spiritual/cultural/political orientation, you know the difference. It’s almost built in, but very strong, like knowing the difference between ’95 Black Eyed Peas and ’05 Black Eyed Peas.
I used to run with some dog-ass dudes. We were young dumb, confident and no fuggs given. Now we are all uber domesticated viciously loyal to loving wives. And the key factor is that we all married the women who did not serve up everything on a plate. They played the game, established their sense of worth and value — and now all those women have whipped-ass devoted men at their sides.
Understand something, regardless of what Steve Harvey says, “Wait 90s days” holds no merit for most men — cause in those 90 days, im GOING to f**k other b*****s. But at least be realistic about how much you’re offering up to a man who is only giving you one or two things back in return.
Cook him toast, then graduate to bacon.
She’s suffering from the women’s version of being friend-zoned. She’s being pussy-zoned.
If a man sparks an emotional attraction in a woman but fails to spark a physical/sexual attraction, he gets friend-zoned. But if a woman sparks a physical attraction but fails to create an emotional attraction — she’s just pussy. She needs to figure out why she’s failing to make an emotional connection.
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
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