The Men’s RoundTable: Emotional Cheating

It’s been a busy week at the Men’s RoundTable — We’ve been getting lots of emails and questions, and the fellas have been giving attention to all of them — but we keep coming back to this one.

The reason I think this one letter has gotten so much attention in the group is that it touches on the kinds of trust issues that have caused problems for so many of us in the past. It spoke to mistakes many of us had made, attitudes we had clung to, and the all important question of trust and respect between two people.

The thing is, when you’re in a relationship — you’re entrusting the other person to play an active role in your happiness. You can’t control what they do, obviously — but you trust that they have your happiness in mind  when they act, and that’s a very heavy deal.

Even worse, I think that a lot of times men and women define these things very differently — and it’s in those differences that the real problems start.

For example: Privacy.

Ladies — You want to piss off a guy really quick?  Ask to go through his phone.
Dudes — You want to piss off a girl really quick?  Overreact when she asks.

Here’s the thing — That’s my phone. That’s my stuff. A guy who has NOTHING TO HIDE on his phone will react like that, almost out of reflex. Dudes are a little loony when it comes to privacy — which would be perfectly fine it it were always just a matter of personal boundaries and space.

But as far too many women already know — all too often it means ..something else.

Dear RoundTable,

I’ve got something I need the guys of the table to discuss and do a post on so that the women can understand just how we function when it comes to that overly-emotional dumb shit.

My girl caught me having pictures of bitches on my phone this past weekend and she just went unnecessarily stupid about it to the point she left the apartment and hasn’t been back since. I’d feel bad if I lost her but If this is how she is going to act about little shit then i need to let her kick push up out of my life.

Her loss.

This is what happened. She said she got suspicious because I always check my phone when she isn’t close by me to see the screen and that I keep a lock on my shit. Yeah I lock my shit because it’s MY SHIT. I don’t go in her purse or her phone so she doesn’t need to go in mine. How she got the pictures and text messages is that the phones were in her name and her girl set up the accounts for us so that we could get the discount. She has her busted-ass looking girl look up all the text and images that have gone out and been received on the account and saw all my shit.

That was a basic bitch move!

Then she started jaw-jacking about how I cheated on her with these bitches and that I was foul. I told her to stop over-reacting because it wasn’t like i actually fucked these females. She went on and on about how it was emotional cheating and that it is just as bad as fucking them.

What kind of shit is that?

Have any of you bruhs gone through this? How the fuck is emotional cheating the same thing as real cheating?

Please tell those females about themselves.

 

And of course after a letter like that — you can just imagine what happened.

 

We presented this letter to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion.  Men from all across the country offered opinions — and we all knew that this one was gonna get all kinds of heated once the rest of ya’ll got a look at it,  but we did our best to try to keep an open mind. Here are some of the highlights:

 

Dude, you fucked up.

How would you feel if she had an encyclopedia of random guys dicks in HER phone? I’d BET you none of those dicks would be yours.

NEVER do what you don’t want your s/o doing. If its “little shit” to you, then don’t be mad when its “little shit” to her — cause she WILL get you back.

 

First off — you fucked up by dealing with a dishonorable broad who would pry into your shit.
Secondly — you’re a dishonorable dude for having shit to hide.
Thirdly — You were wrong for messing with a broad who doesn’t like titties as much as you.
My main point is — IT’S YOUR FAULT!!! STOP COMPLAINING LIKE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND STOP LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO COSIGN AND CO-SPONSOR YOUR BULLSHIT

 

My man is a capital “D” dummy for leaving his shyt out in the open like that. There’s a host of apps and shyt specifically made to hide photos, pics, texts, alladat. Yeah, his girl shouldna been snooping through his stuff, but he shoulda taken precautions.  It ain’t as bad as physically cheating — but damn if most women won’t see it as the same anyway. Obviously dude doesn’t care too much for ol’ girl if his first reaction is to leave, so he might as well cut his losses and tighten his sneak game up.

 

I’d love to roll with dude, but I’ve gotta say he was in the wrong here. You’ve gotta assume your woman is gonna snoop, even if you don’t act guilty. I’m generalizing like a mug — but women are gonna pry because they have to know everything.

 

 

Just imagine if the situation were reversed. I mean — I feel certain things of hers are her business, like emails and passwords.  But let’s say I forgot my phone and needed to use hers — how would it feel  if she was nervously hovering over me while I used it, or was in a hurry to get it back, or had to delete something real quick before even giving it to me?

 

Bruh. You wrong. You should have covered your bases more if you were wanting to have titties and ass all on your phone. If she would have had Tyrones dack on her screen it would have been an issue with you. Maybe you didn’t cheat, but in her eyes you was mighty damn close. And why the fuck don’t you have your own phone line?! Gotta be smarter next time.

 

Are the pics from bitches he knows? If its from bitches you knows then you a new fool. I have all kinda pics on my computer. but NEVER nothing of bitches I know.

But even more than that —  you coulda saved this shit to anywhere, ANYWHERE else but the phone that you SHARE WITH YOUR GIRL!? You are a NEW Level of stupid son.

 

Okay, first off, yeah if you’ve got random broads texting you nekkid pix while you already had a girl, you’re wrong. It’s basically cheating. Definitely a precursor to cheating. At very, very least, it’s disrespectful.

THAT BEING SAID — Hey, what’s a brotha to do? Fine ass women sending you pictures of tits and ass…[shrug] I mean, I’m not even gon’ front like I would get all appalled and immediately delete. I’d be like, “let me file this one under ‘just in case.'” And, I’d be dead-ass wrong. But, that’s me.

I’m not saying she doesn’t have a right to be mad — but she acquired said photos under damn near illegal means. I wish a bitch would break into my shit looking for evidence. You deserve what you find. And I’m gon’ tell you to beat it simply because I don’t play that violation of privacy shit. That’s just a sign of things to come. So, now you can get gone and take the image of the next chick I’ll be with with you as a parting gift.

 

As dudes though –what is it about us that makes us feel the need to keep the evidence like trophies? When women cheat and do dirt — those heffas are SO much more damn discrete about the whole thing. What is it about men that makes us so damn foolish with it?

 

 

It’s like some need proof. We don’t have a lot of women throwing themselves at us, so sometimes that “keeping trophies” mentality is about validating that we’ve still got it. Women have so many men after them every day so they don’t have to be like that. But hell, pics are just nice to look at some times.

 

 

I think men enjoy the thought of what it would be like with that woman in the picture (or if you want to get yourself in REAL trouble, let it be a pic of an ex.. ), and because we’re visually stimulated all we need is that pic and it’s like romper stomper bomper boo. 

And that thought, that sort of momentary fantasy we get from the pic sent is something right or wrong that we can replay like referees on the sideline of a football game. It doesn’t even have to be the same memory or fantasy, but it’s enough.

*Smdh* It’s guys like this that keep Jill Scott writing songs. Do better, Rahim.

 

 

At the end of the day you have to respect each others boundaries. Plain and simple. If I don’t go through your purse, don’t go through my phone. If you need/want to see something — ask.

Because If you feel it necessary to sneak and snoop, that speaks to your level of trust. If you don’t trust me and relationships are based on trust… then aren’t we already doomed?

 

 

 

But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?

Got a situation?  Need a man’s opinion?
Email us at ohellnawl@gmail.com
Subject: Roundtable

Hex
Hex is about as wrong as two left feet and there is nothing right about him. Every time we yell at Hex, his rebuttal is always that we are doing so simply because he is Black....yeah..think about that.
Hex
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  • SiggyLuz

    yeah he foul…end of story….AND calling her a basic bish cuz HEEEE sending recieving after dark pix/txt and she snooping….He dont deserve to be in a relationship.

  • Buttercreme Labeija

    Tell Dude to either learn the lost art of hiding his freak files so deep on his electronics that not even an archaeologist can dig those fvckers up or just don't have said freak items on his electronic devices so that his girl and her no business -having homegirl can find the shyt.Was he wrong?IMO,no,IT.WAS.A.PICTURE!Now if he was having some sort of undercover sneakyfreaky times in the back of his pinto with ms.iPhonenekkidtits,then in that instance and circumstance,he's dead azz wrong.

    • blu4577

      But how did he aquire the pictures. These dont just happen like "Hey how are you? Hows the weather?" *titties and labia*

      • cakes_and_pies

        I believe it. I barely get a salutation when I get an unsolicited dic pic.

        • blu4577

          lol men are different. They send in hopes of getting a reply

        • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

          There are guys out there who send pics of their junk like it's a business card. Like that's their OPENING MOVE or something.

          It doesn't seem like women approach that sort of sharing the same way.

        • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

          Girl, what!

          Him: Hey, how you doing
          Me: I'm cool…just grabbing something from the printer
          Him: **dick pic**

          • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star

            LOL sounds alot like a text I got recently.

            Me: Good morning!
            Him: *dick pic complete with ribbons*
            Me: WTF!?

            • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

              My fav was a dick pic that had a pimp hat (complete with feather) cocked to the side (you see what I did there…YOU SEE IT!!!) lmao

            • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

              <img src="http://i48.tinypic.com/35lu35l.jpg&quot; width="300" height="220">

              • DMarioIsajerk

                now THAT is a well groomed good looking p****

          • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/ Beth Lanai

            LOL how 'bout I got a dack pic from this dude that was on this messageboard I use to go on and so was his girlfriend (now wife)….

            dude was bold as hell! Was willing to travel to Ohio in hopes of getting some of my bloomer pudding all while his woman was on the same board and everyone knew they was dating. I could have easily busted him

            he asked for a pic of my boobs…so I googled my breast size and sent him a pic of some other heffas titties

            • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

              Bloomer pudding though?
              ———->

            • Kat_Coll

              *wipes coffee off laptop* Bloomer pudding?! Really??? LMAO

            • TeneciousC

              Bloomer pudding?!! Has Bef ever been sent to the corner?

          • cakes_and_pies

            A man wanted my opinion on a set of dishes he bought and I got a dic on a plate pic.
            It wasn't even on the dinner plate, it was on the cup saucer.

      • Buttercreme Labeija

        I'm trying to see this not as a Woman, but from his p.o.v.He never clarified if this was something someone he knew sent him or one of those irritating forwards we all get from time to time on our phones.It could be something semi-innocent that she's taking to another level over some issue they may have already had.

  • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

    "I’m not saying she doesn’t have a right to be mad — but she acquired said photos under damn near illegal means."

    I'm just curious…how is it illegal means if it's technically her phone that is on her plan that she is most likely paying for?

    • Buttercreme Labeija

      because of privacy laws,even if she's paying the bill,she viewed items that were his.If he was a jerk,legally he could have her and her friend prosecuted.

      • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

        Gracias. I was legit curious lol. And I guess I was asking because on the morning show I listen to, this dude was like "if you're not paying my bill then you can't go through my phone" and this reminded me of that.

    • double_dizze

      In my opinion, that's a slippery slope…she's paying for the service, but is allowing him to use the phone. Once he put a passcode/password/lock on the phone, if she had to acquire the means to get into the phone through whatever means she used, she's wrong. Some states will even allow police to charge a person under hacking laws for stuff like that. Seeing as how she had to get her friend in on the shenanigans kind of lets me know she knew she was in the wrong for that. Not to defend the dude, but two wrongs do not make a right.

      • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

        Makes sense. I wasn't sure how that idea worked, particularly because I know some guys who are quick to say "you're not paying for X,Y,Z so you can't do A,B,C" (like dude on the radio show I was listening to) and in this case it seemed like dude may be the type to say that.

        • Buttercreme Labeija

          In some states,it's illegal to even go through your spouses' email,fb or anything that's pw protected because of the password protection laws.

        • double_dizze

          Not even going to front…seemed like dude was trying to get someone to co-sign his fvckery. I feel him on the whole invasion of privacy, but that's where my sympathy stops.

          • Buttercreme Labeija

            <——–Devils' advocate……….So,what did he do wrong other than being stupid and not deleting the pics?It just seems to me he's leaving key parts out of the story to make it seem like she's the one that's 120%wrong.

            • double_dizze

              It seems like he's leaving quite a few details out of the story. When he said that the received pics showed up on the bill, that made me think that the pics were sent from another phone, like someone sent him picture messages…and I know from experience that it takes a good bit of work to get a woman to send pics like that, so there probably was a good bit of back and forth, building up to the titties and tater tots.

              • Buttercreme Labeija

                titties and tater tots?…….no………

              • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

                Sir…did you just say titties and tater tots!? We go together now lol.

                • double_dizze

                  I most certainly did. Had to give a shout out to my two favorite things…and tater tots.

    • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

      My whole thing about that is that it's a little late to start arguing technicalities after you've been busted.

      • double_dizze

        A moral technicality and a legal technicality are two separate things. He's wrong for the pics, she's wrong for snooping.

        • Buttercreme Labeija

          true, but they both have serious repercussions and remain on your record for years.

          • double_dizze

            Pretty much. She can use what she found to get rid of someone that's probably no good for her, and if he's feeling just that wronged, he could go after her legally. Just silly all the way around.

    • bsmuv

      Illegal as in breaking Federal Wire Tapping and Electronic Storage laws by having an employee of a phone company looking into records of a device that is not in your possession without the permission of the owner.

      • Buttercreme Labeija

        ^^^^^^Yes!!!!That law is relatively new but it packs a whollop.

    • Bubba Renaldo Garcia

      he could be an azzhole and if it's illegal…take action against her AND her friend. sounds like her girl was a little too eager to help for that. so is your friend's shady man worth her losing her job over? i would hope not. sometimes you have to think rationally, not with pure emotion.

  • blu4577

    Isnt "emotional" cheating when you invest in someone else emotionally? This isnt emotional cheating but its disrespectful as hell.

    I've been there and done that, Some will say its just like porn but I disagree. Most dont hve access to porn stars…. they are meant to be shared. I think its silly as f*ck to get/send pictures. If I send you a pic then I am laying to foundation for a physical encounter.

    That "you get what you look for" is buulshyt. Its only a crappy ass cop out for someone doing shady shyt. If you are with me you cant have the password to everything that I have bc I have nothing to hide. Now if someone blows up about an innocent messege like "Hi" then thats a different story. But titties and ass from down the street?? No ma'am

  • http://melette.wordpress.com melette

    It’s a bitch move not to have your phone in your name. LOL! This is just special. Yeah, she needs to peace him out because she will never trust him. Who wants to live like that?

  • chichi572

    THIS—> "At the end of the day you have to respect each others boundaries. Plain and simple"

    And THIS —-> "If you feel it necessary to sneak and snoop, that speaks to your level of trust. If you don’t trust me and relationships are based on trust… then aren’t we already doomed?"

    All that needs to be said!

    • blu4577

      To me comments like this only have merit when person X is NOT giving person Y a reason to be distrustful.

      • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

        But where is that line?

        Like I said, a lot of guys will flip out if you want to go through their phone or get their passwords even if they aren't actively doing anything they consider wrong, because there's probably something in those archives even they don't remember being there that will get them in hot water.

        Do ladies feel the need to check phones or whatever on GP? Or do they only want to look/snoop when they feel something's up?

        • double_dizze

          "Do ladies feel the need to check phones or whatever on GP? Or do they only want to look/snoop when they feel something's up?"

          PLEASE don't bring 'women's intuition' into this. That ish right there is wildly overrated.

        • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star

          No sir, I don't check phones or any stupidness like that. If I feel suspicious, I make it known. I'm usually good about stating my rules and whatnot.

          Besides, my current tells me he'll tell me before he let me find anything out. It'll be easier on his guts that way.

          <img src="http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/pinkdafairy/Thread%20Bombs/ezio.jpg"&gt;

        • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

          "Do ladies feel the need to check phones or whatever on GP? "

          I've never been that chick to look through a phone, even if I suspect something. Eventually, the truth will find its way out, I say.

          • DeeBeeR

            This! I ain't got no time for no one's shiite, as I am too busy having a damn life…

        • blu4577

          I dont represent most women. MY curiousity tends to be just that. Hell Ive asked about the number of sexual partners for GP without judging. Didnt stop the way I veiwed or felt about that person.

          Ive looked at someone's phone in front of them. I remember being left in the Ex's house alone for the first time. He told me that it was the first time he'd ever dont that and asked if I looked through his stuff. I said why wait for you to leave when I cant do it in front of you.

          Because Im an open book someone being too guarded with me would get serious side eye.

        • http://janeteckford.blogspot.com/ jeckford13

          I've never felt the need to go through my husbands stuff. I trust him and the minute I have to find "evidence" for a feeling or concern the relationship is over for me. I have a password on my phone and he doesn't know it. Not because I'm hiding something but because I'm an autonomous individual that has a right to privacy. For me, being in a relationship doesn't mean I have to share EVERY aspect of who I am with him. If a letter that isn't a bill is addressed to him, I don't open it, if his phone rings (even if I know who the person is on the phone) I don't pick it up unless he asks me. I expect the same in return. If I can't trust you I can't respect you. And if I can't have that, there is no relationship.

          • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

            I think that's the ideal, but it's also probably the result of a lot of emotional work (whether conscious or not) and trust between people. You shouldn't have to feel the need to look through someone's stuff on GP if the love is there and it's built on trust.

            Or like I attempted to say in the post:

            The thing is, when you’re in a relationship – you’re entrusting the other person to play an active role in your happiness. You can’t control what they do, obviously — but you trust that they have your happiness in mind when they act, and that’s a very heavy deal.

            • http://janeteckford.blogspot.com/ jeckford13

              "it's also probably the result of a lot of emotional work (whether conscious or not) and trust between people."

              I think that's the crux of this discussion. People don't put in enough emotional work into themselves and their relationships. My parents always told me having a relationship is the hardest thing (work) you will ever do in your life. It is an active commitment that isn't picked up and put down. I take my personal growth and emotional well being very seriously and I take my partners personal growth and emotional well being very seriously and I take the unit that is our relationships growth and emotional well being very seriously. I've been in a relationship for over a decade now so I think it's easy to pontificate on what people should be doing for a healthy relationship, I don't know what it's like to be single anymore and the struggles that single people experience, but I do believe that if people did more internal work they would be happier over all.

  • melette

    This is special. She needs to peace him out because she will never trust him. Who wants to live like that?

  • Marina Lasanya

    I loathe dudes like him with the what's good for the goose is good for the goose mentality. Yeah she was wrong for going through his things, but to call her basic when he's the basic one in the bunch? Mmkay. Like the first commenter said, when she pays him back, don't say a damned thing. He needs to accept that you're a cheater and move on with his life. He'll feel much better. But as for her, she needs to get some confidence in self and be respectful of privacy even if she is in a relationship. Actually, scratch that. They deserve each other. Two less trainwrecks the dating world can be free from.

  • cakes_and_pies

    His name must be Jody, cuz this some ole "Baby Boy" bullshyt.

  • caratime2

    She would have been wrong (of a misdemeanor, imho), if she had snooped and found nothing. But she obviously had due cause, because he was not only acting suspicious, but did have naked pix on his phone.

    Not some anonymous chicks from a porn site, either, but of some hoodrats he knew at least casually (and – yes – if you are sending pix to some man you aren't with and/or you know he already has a GF, you are a hoodrat)…

    You're lucky if all she did was leave… (And you are on her phone plan, too, son? Weak as all hayle!!)

    Git gone, youn'un! Cause you obviously aren't mature enough to eat at the grown folks' table yet…

    • blu4577

      *praise dances around Caratime2*

    • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star
    • http://thechocl8tdiaries.wordpress.com/ chocl8t

      *plays in your hair*

    • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

      THIS!!!

    • http://www.ohellnawl.com Slausito Ramirez.

      betta be lucky im murried…. :: sucks teeth ::

      • caratime2

        ….::smooch::…..

  • http://thechocl8tdiaries.wordpress.com/ chocl8t

    She's a basic beetch and he's just a dIck, basically. This isn't emotional cheating but it's disrespectful to his "GF" and their relationship…a relationship that neither are mature enough to handle from reading his letter.

    • DeeBeeR

      Exactly. If she had been mature, and not looked thru his phone, then she would have been hit all upside the head by either (1) some random Biatch leaving her house when she was comin' home or (2) some random STD disease on her next OB\GYN visit, cuz since OLD BOY WAS THAT DANGED IGNORENT to have random hoochies emailing him shiite, he prolly wasn't gonna stop there.

      If he'd been mature and she was the random Biatch, how long do you think he'd put up with that I-Spy ish?

  • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star

    This is the type of cat who'll wake up at 54 and wonder why he's alone.

    So he got naked chicks all up in the phone, but gets mad and calls her basic when she flipped out? So how would he feel if she had her phone filled with pics of random cats twig and berries?

    <img src="http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/pinkdafairy/Thread%20Bombs/gtfoh.png"&gt;

    • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

      "This is the type of cat who'll wake up at 54 and wonder why he's alone."

      Being the old man in the club with his good gators on, dancing on that one good leg lol

      • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star

        They'll call him Flint the achin pimp, because he'll be hurting the hoes feelings with his old crusty looking azz.

      • SiggyLuz

        lmao…I got one of those on pof that sent me a msg
        57
        he goes: u cute
        me: good morning thank you
        him: u should gimme ur numba
        me: no thanks *block*

        urrghhh smh

        • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star

          Lawd, aint nothing sadder than an old cat with tired game.

          <img src="http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/pinkdafairy/Thread%20Bombs/ojfacepalm.jpg"&gt;

        • justme81

          Chile…I used to have a pof account and was so underwhelmed and saddened by what the dating world has been reduced to. Seriously, folks who can't use full words (not sentences, but let's break it down even further to simple words like "you're") got no response from me. I won't even start on the ones who addressed me as "baby" or "sexy" without even bothering to ask my name. FOHWTBS.

    • cakes_and_pies

      I see them all of time in the store: One rotissiere chicken, one pack of beer and the lyrics to "The Love I Lost/I Miss You" by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes permanently etched into their face.

      • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

        The older I get (I'm not ancient yet, but still) the more I dread meeting hotties at the grocery store.

        Like I could be looking my absolute best and have my game on point — but after a certain point there's simply no way she's not gonna see that basket with the Red Baron Pizza for one and six pack of beer and not do the math.

        • cakes_and_pies

          As long as you don't have that bewildered Please help me not die alone/Mister at the end of The Color Purple vibe there is hope for every man.

  • blu4577

    So my questions to the people that think she is basic:

    He gave her a reason to be suspicious and she followed her instinct before making a move. What should she have done?

    • http://thechocl8tdiaries.wordpress.com/ chocl8t

      Rule #1 in the grown a$$ woman book of life is too short – DO NOT SNOOP! If you go looking for isht, 99% of the time you will find it and 99% of the time you, the female, already know the type of cat you're dealing with…so uhm…yeah. And soooo many times that being "suspicious" is really just a cover for your insecurities. I'm not saying…I'm just saying.

      • caratime2

        See, I disagree with that.

        Let me make this clear: I don't condone snooping on GP.

        But if I have a strong suspicion, I want to have it verified by hard evidence before any discussion of the issue takes place. 9 times out of 10 when you confront a man armed only with your suspicions, he will lie to avoid drama. Because – let's face it – it's the rare man who will come right out and say, "Yea, I fugged your cousin – and those twins are mine!" or "Of course, you're right; I love the crisp taste of dack every other Sunday!" when asked.

        I would much rather put my own mind to rest and never broach the subject (if I am wrong) or lay the cards on the table and take it from there (if I'm right).

        Too many men will try to "gaslight" you – telling you you're crazy, even when the proverbial elephant in the room is actually the size of a dinosaur.

        • http://thechocl8tdiaries.wordpress.com/ chocl8t

          Agreed on how men will take a lie to their grave. DENY. DENY. DENY must be hard coded into their DNA. But I still say 99% of the time, women KNOW the type of ratchet man they're dealing with because normally they show signs long before you get in a "serious" relationship…LONG BEFORE. So if you know but ignore the signs…Ooops, your bad. (not you specifically but us, women, in general) It is for this reason I hold the opinion stated above and have a hard time getting with the snooping thing because you know your man ain't bout shyt from the word GO. *shrugs*

        • hautie

          "Because – let's face it – it's the rare man who will come right out and say, "Yea, I fugged your cousin – and those twins are mine!" or "Of course, you're right; I love the crisp taste of dack every other Sunday!" when asked…."
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          This right here. Just made my day. Thank you.

        • DeeBeeR

          "Too many men will try to "gaslight" you – telling you you're crazy, even when the proverbial elephant in the room is actually the size of a dinosaur."

          GOSPEL TRUTH RIT HERE!!!
          .

      • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/ Beth Lanai

        I agree

        and to add you are suspicious of your man being sneaky/underhanded so the natural thing to do is to do the same thing?

        how does that make sense?

        insecurities make you do some stupid ish

        • caratime2

          But are you going to leave him over a(n unsubstantiated) "feeling"? Or stay with him because he denies it with his last breath (while playing you like a Stradivarius)?

          It's insecurity when you are seeing things where there's nothing. It's due diligence when you are trying to correctly analyze and identify signals you are really getting.

          • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/ Beth Lanai

            I've left for less

            I'm probably the wrong woman to discuss this with

            I will leave you if you look cross-eyed too much

            • caratime2

              Staying too long… Leaving too soon…

              I guess neither is really a virtue. But it is what it is…

    • http://lesthecrochethooker.blogspot.com/ Les

      Good question!
      *munches popcorn*

    • http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog Jade Star

      Make some nice tea or kool aid.

      Both have a seat and chit chat.

      She, *start polishing baseball bat* You got something you wanna tell me?

      <img src="http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/pinkdafairy/Thread%20Bombs/12449508.gif"&gt;

      • DeeBeeR

        …or a pot of grits…

        • WanderBoi

          why would you throw a pot of grits on someone for some pixels and data usage? Isn't that a bit extreme? Save that for you know, actual physical cheating when you're married, , exposed sex tape, getting one of those incurable "h" diseases, ruined credit, ish like that.

          • http://thechocl8tdiaries.wordpress.com/ chocl8t

            *giggles*

      • SiggyLuz

        you got something to tell me approach dont work. (at least it didnt for me)

        I knew he had something to hide when I asked him to use his phone to make a call…..a phone I'm always using…and all of the sudden it was an issue, like I cant use his phone.

        When he finally gave it to me I was right…nukka was foul

  • originalwharris

    Whether we acknowledge it or not, most women can sense when their man is doing wrong. This woman already knew what she was going to find when she went looking. Now she needs to move on.

  • bsmuv

    I was never really clear on this letter if these are girls he knows or these are pictures accumulated from the random Twitter post, Instagram, or various other services that allow folks to be low budget porn stars. I see it more and more now there is just free random T&A out there from random folks.

  • http://rawki3@blogspot.com Twink

    And for you, dear soul that sent in this letter…I have the STRONGEST of baby side-eyes to give to you.

    <img src="http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y251/almyghtii-colorz/baby2_zpsaaa25919.jpg&quot; border="0" alt="Photobucket">

  • DMarioIsajerk

    I've had my girl ask for my phone, i handed it right over. you know why?

    cause I have nothing to hide.

    • aliciapdx

      If that was me, I would be question why she is no trusting you.

      • DMarioIsajerk

        if I had responded "why?" or "no" then there would be a matter of trust.

        she told me she did it to see what I would do. She didn't go through it.

        it was no issue to ME.

  • Buttercreme Labeija

    I guess I've just been in the game so long that I wouldn't really care if I found a tit pic on my man's phone,if it's some random broad that he's never met and probably never will,so what,I'm secure enough in myself and us to even waste energy worrying about that silly ish.I've never went through phones,personal accounts,wallets,boxes hidden in the back of his gma's garage,none of that,I have better things to stress over and It's never been if a person is hiding something from me..Now if it's a nekkid pic of our neighbor from down the street ,,then we mights have a problem.I'm going to check the Ho,then check the player.Mostly because If I'm with,I trust him and once that trust is broken,The Diva is out.

    • http://janeteckford.blogspot.com/ jeckford13

      "If I'm with,I trust him and once that trust is broken,The Diva is out."
      ^^^^^^^^^This right here.

      If I can't trust you there is no relationship. Done.

  • IAmTmonie

    GTFO sir. You are a lame.

  • Agent00DivaCee

    On the phone thing, I was told this by an older gentleman who had been married successfully for over 20 years: If you are in a relationship with someone, you should be able to pick up their phone, answer their phone…anything you want to and vice versa. I can understand if it's something like a personal journal, but when it comes to something that you use to communicate with other people, and your significant other cant use, touch, look through, etc because of "privacy" etc, then that doesn't make sense to me. There should be nothing to hide in a good relationship, so why shouldn't your other be able to feel comfortable using your phone or computer, no matter who purchased it?
    The man has been married for over 20 years, so I tend to think that his theory has some merit.

    That being said, every now and then sometimes a random pic comes to my phone..I just look, laugh and delete it. Why is that so hard to do?

    • caratime2

      I have/know all of my man's passwords (or where to find them). I can go into his email/bank accounts (personal and professional) at any time. Have I had a randomly gazed over his mails while looking for something I need in his account. Yea. Have I actively *snooped* (i.e. tried to uncover "dirt")? Nope…

      On the other hand, he has none of my passwords. Why? Because I am "private" like that. Am I doing/hiding ish? Nope. Why not? Because when we had our talk waaayyyy back at the beginning of our relationship he made it clear to me how important fidelity is to him. I had the opportunity to leave or end it then and there.

      But I didn't, so…

  • http://www.facebook.com/malicejones Jonesey

    … and that's one of the issues I do NOT miss about not being in a relationship.
    Speaking on principle though – I'd never go through my man's personal ANYTHING.You know why? Because I'd be pissed as all getout if he went through my mail/eMail/FB/texts/computer. It's MINE. I'm my own person even when I have a partner. That's all the reason I need… If I don't trust someone, I will bring it up. And if the reasoning doesn't convince me, I guess we need not be in a relationship together. Now that's easy for me to say since I've never been in the situation… but technically, both the poster and his girl should've sat down and/or called it before any of that ^^ went down, way I see it.

  • http://www.ohellnawl.com Slausito Ramirez.

    You don't want your woman going all through your shyt? Don't give her reason.

    sorry.. TAKE my man pass… I blame her not at all. She had MUCH reason to be suspicious and OBVIOUSLY those suspicions were well founded because dude was being janky as fugg.

    I'm not even gonna act like I'm king holier than thou… cuz i aint.

    but to act like she was wrong for finding out Yo azz was wrong? that's bytch-made as hell son.

    a real man does his dirt and deals with the consequences. Not sit around bytching about HOW you got caught. fugg that.

    We aren't talking about some bird who went snooping just for the fugg of, like weekly checks needed to be done, nawl. he was acting like some shyt was up …. which it was.

    : shrugs : sorry…. i fault her azz not at all.

    • DeeBeeR

      THIS.

      Thank you!

  • http://hexacorde.blogspot.com Hex

    [youtube wh3yBmvwZ8A http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh3yBmvwZ8A youtube]

    Shoulda used a different camera, bro.

  • CaraQ301

    In my past, I snooped on my now-husband and I found ish (that fell under this heading). Sorry, but if you give me cause, I will confront you. You lie to me, I will go looking, and then I will come back to deal with the consequences on BOTH of our parts.

    As for now? I wish someone WOULD mention privacy. My husband has not nan password, account number, nada, but if he asked me a question, I'll answer it. He asks to use my phone, I will give it to him and vice versa. And if he looks through it, I will be upset and ask why, but he won't find a damn thing.

    We ain't having none of that over here.

  • CaraQ301

    He knows DAMN well he'd be calling her all types of bytches, slores and slunts had he found random dack all in her inboxes! He is on some TRUE BS! Not condoning what she did, but he's not even keeping it real. Also, if she kept seeing repeat numbers (and frequency) on the account, that was her flag to find out why.

    You were just plain wrong and stupid. Since you wanted to act single, you got your wish. Hopefully, you both are done and free to go about your business.

  • OHNCantTakeIt

    "I’d love to roll with dude, but I’ve gotta say he was in the wrong here. You’ve gotta assume your woman is gonna snoop, even if you don’t act guilty. I’m generalizing like a mug — but women are gonna pry because they have to know everything."

    As long as YOU know your azz is generalizing and got me side-eyeing the fvck out of you for that nonsense? We good.

    "Women have so many men after them every day so they don’t have to be like that."

    You must have been smoking when you said that mess. Certain women are thirsty as FVCK and will stay doing all types of stupid ish to catch a man. Either that or 1)you don't anywhere but the clubs and 2) you're just crazy.

    I'm picking and choosing, but I'm all about the checks and balances!!

    Oh, and that fool that wrote that letter can't be worth a good gatdamn. He won't learn, though…..he's just gonna call y'all wrong as hell and keep doing his shyt until he catches major feelings for a dirty broad that is going to FUGG HIM OVER. He has karma written all over his azz.

  • Unca_Ruckus

    You don't need a stable of hoez to keep your pimp hand strong. Back in college, I got tired of studying and devoted some time to dating. Had myself a girl, who wouldn't let the ghosts of boyfriends past stop haunting her. Everything I did supposedly had an ulterior motive. Brought her flowers, she thought it was because I felt guilty of cheating. Coming out of a female dorm, I must have been smanging. (Never mind that I worked on the campus paper and had the dormitory beat) Little did I know at the time, her SINGLE roommates was filling her head with these conspiracy theories. The final straw for me was one night when I was hip deep in her pleasures and she asked, "Is this how you fugg your other hoez?" Afterward, I looked her straight in the eye and told her, "I have nothing to hide. If I wanted to get some other loving, I have the bawls to call you, while I'm rolling on the rubber, and let you know." Yeah, I broke up a few days later. Not to say that I didn't miss the loving, but the post-coital conversations made my head hurt.

    • OHNCantTakeIt

      "Had myself a girl, who wouldn't let the ghosts of boyfriends past stop haunting her."

      This is what I hate. Eventually the baggage has got to be let go. If not, you're going to keep expecting the same shyt to happen to you over and over, so you start judging the person you're dating by the same burnt scale. And then can't understand why the same shyt keeps happening to you! *sigh*

  • Zuly

    I don't understand the big deal about knowing your S/O's passwords and stuff. Over time, if you're building a life together, won't there come a time when they need to do something like unlock your phone or sign into your email for you? T and I have been together only a little over a year and over the course of that time I've already had reasons to give her all my passwords, PIN numbers, etc. Not because she asked, but because I needed her to do one thing or another for me. She's given me the same info for the same reasons.

    It's so much of a non-issue that most of the time I forget her passwords and vice versa. It's gotten to the point where she gets annoyed that she has to repeat it if I forget, LOL. But why do I forget? Because it's not a big deal!

    Someone explain to me how all this secretive stuff makes successful relationships because I don't see it.