It’s been a busy week at the Men’s RoundTable — We’ve been getting lots of emails and questions, and the fellas have been giving attention to all of them — but we keep coming back to this one.
The reason I think this one letter has gotten so much attention in the group is that it touches on the kinds of trust issues that have caused problems for so many of us in the past. It spoke to mistakes many of us had made, attitudes we had clung to, and the all important question of trust and respect between two people.
The thing is, when you’re in a relationship – you’re entrusting the other person to play an active role in your happiness. You can’t control what they do, obviously — but you trust that they have your happiness in mind when they act, and that’s a very heavy deal.
Even worse, I think that a lot of times men and women define these things very differently — and it’s in those differences that the real problems start.
For example: Privacy.
Ladies — You want to piss off a guy really quick? Ask to go through his phone.
Dudes — You want to piss off a girl really quick? Overreact when she asks.
Here’s the thing — That’s my phone. That’s my stuff. A guy who has NOTHING TO HIDE on his phone will react like that, almost out of reflex. Dudes are a little loony when it comes to privacy — which would be perfectly fine it it were always just a matter of personal boundaries and space.
But as far too many women already know — all too often it means ..something else.
I’ve got something I need the guys of the table to discuss and do a post on so that the women can understand just how we function when it comes to that overly-emotional dumb shit.
My girl caught me having pictures of b*****s on my phone this past weekend and she just went unnecessarily stupid about it to the point she left the apartment and hasn’t been back since. I’d feel bad if I lost her but If this is how she is going to act about little shit then i need to let her kick push up out of my life.
This is what happened. She said she got suspicious because I always check my phone when she isn’t close by me to see the screen and that I keep a lock on my shit. Yeah I lock my shit because it’s MY SHIT. I don’t go in her purse or her phone so she doesn’t need to go in mine. How she got the pictures and text messages is that the phones were in her name and her girl set up the accounts for us so that we could get the discount. She has her busted-ass looking girl look up all the text and images that have gone out and been received on the account and saw all my shit.
That was a basic bitch move!
Then she started jaw-jacking about how I cheated on her with these b*****s and that I was foul. I told her to stop over-reacting because it wasn’t like i actually fucked these females. She went on and on about how it was emotional cheating and that it is just as bad as fucking them.
What kind of shit is that?
Have any of you bruhs gone through this? How the fuck is emotional cheating the same thing as real cheating?
Please tell those females about themselves.
And of course after a letter like that — you can just imagine what happened.
We presented this letter to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Men from all across the country offered opinions — and we all knew that this one was gonna get all kinds of heated once the rest of ya’ll got a look at it, but we did our best to try to keep an open mind. Here are some of the highlights:
How would you feel if she had an encyclopedia of random guys dicks in HER phone? I’d BET you none of those dicks would be yours.
NEVER do what you don’t want your s/o doing. If its “little shit” to you, then don’t be mad when its “little shit” to her – cause she WILL get you back.
First off — you fucked up by dealing with a dishonorable broad who would pry into your shit.
Secondly — you’re a dishonorable dude for having shit to hide.
Thirdly — You were wrong for messing with a broad who doesn’t like titties as much as you.
My main point is — IT’S YOUR FAULT!!! STOP COMPLAINING LIKE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND STOP LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO COSIGN AND CO-SPONSOR YOUR BULLSHIT
My man is a capital “D” dummy for leaving his shyt out in the open like that. There’s a host of apps and shyt specifically made to hide photos, pics, texts, alladat. Yeah, his girl shouldna been snooping through his stuff, but he shoulda taken precautions. It ain’t as bad as physically cheating — but damn if most women won’t see it as the same anyway. Obviously dude doesn’t care too much for ol’ girl if his first reaction is to leave, so he might as well cut his losses and tighten his sneak game up.
I’d love to roll with dude, but I’ve gotta say he was in the wrong here. You’ve gotta assume your woman is gonna snoop, even if you don’t act guilty. I’m generalizing like a mug — but women are gonna pry because they have to know everything.
Just imagine if the situation were reversed. I mean — I feel certain things of hers are her business, like emails and passwords. But let’s say I forgot my phone and needed to use hers — how would it feel if she was nervously hovering over me while I used it, or was in a hurry to get it back, or had to delete something real quick before even giving it to me?
Bruh. You wrong. You should have covered your bases more if you were wanting to have titties and ass all on your phone. If she would have had Tyrones dack on her screen it would have been an issue with you. Maybe you didn’t cheat, but in her eyes you was mighty damn close. And why the fuck don’t you have your own phone line?! Gotta be smarter next time.
Are the pics from b*****s he knows? If its from b*****s you knows then you a new fool. I have all kinda pics on my computer. but NEVER nothing of b*****s I know.
But even more than that — you coulda saved this shit to anywhere, ANYWHERE else but the phone that you SHARE WITH YOUR GIRL!? You are a NEW Level of stupid son.
Okay, first off, yeah if you’ve got random broads texting you nekkid pix while you already had a girl, you’re wrong. It’s basically cheating. Definitely a precursor to cheating. At very, very least, it’s disrespectful.
THAT BEING SAID — Hey, what’s a brotha to do? Fine ass women sending you pictures of tits and ass…[shrug] I mean, I’m not even gon’ front like I would get all appalled and immediately delete. I’d be like, “let me file this one under ‘just in case.’” And, I’d be dead-ass wrong. But, that’s me.
I’m not saying she doesn’t have a right to be mad — but she acquired said photos under damn near illegal means. I wish a bitch would break into my shit looking for evidence. You deserve what you find. And I’m gon’ tell you to beat it simply because I don’t play that violation of privacy shit. That’s just a sign of things to come. So, now you can get gone and take the image of the next chick I’ll be with with you as a parting gift.
As dudes though –what is it about us that makes us feel the need to keep the evidence like trophies? When women cheat and do dirt — those heffas are SO much more damn discrete about the whole thing. What is it about men that makes us so damn foolish with it?
It’s like some need proof. We don’t have a lot of women throwing themselves at us, so sometimes that “keeping trophies” mentality is about validating that we’ve still got it. Women have so many men after them every day so they don’t have to be like that. But hell, pics are just nice to look at some times.
I think men enjoy the thought of what it would be like with that woman in the picture (or if you want to get yourself in REAL trouble, let it be a pic of an ex.. ), and because we’re visually stimulated all we need is that pic and it’s like romper stomper bomper boo.
And that thought, that sort of momentary fantasy we get from the pic sent is something right or wrong that we can replay like referees on the sideline of a football game. It doesn’t even have to be the same memory or fantasy, but it’s enough.
Because If you feel it necessary to sneak and snoop, that speaks to your level of trust. If you don’t trust me and relationships are based on trust… then aren’t we already doomed?
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
Got a situation? Need a man’s opinion?
Email us at email@example.com