Ahh, marriage. The joining of two souls in eternal matrimony. A bond of trust, devotion, and affection. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish..
Wives nag. Husbands take the relationship for granted. Everybody gets fat. Sex evaporates. The kids are exhausting. Your mother is always hovering around and judging everything we do. Why do we always have to do what you like to do? Can’t you see I’m watching the game!? Since when did you ever like scrapbooking? HOW GODDAMN LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FIND SHOES AND A PURSE — WE’RE JUST GOING TO A MOVIE, and money, money, money.
There’s a certain viewpoint where even if you are a romantic at heart the idea of marriage and the effects it seems to have on everyone you know starts to make the whole thing sound like a big pain in the ass — so why even bother?
Even worse is this rising idea that men don’t actually want to get married at all, but rather that they eventually just cave to the wishes of commitment-starved women who have put in their due diligence enough that we simply accept the idea.
Is that really all there is?
I had this conversation a while back with a bunch of married guys I know, and I simply asked them this: Why did you get married?
Now let me say this, I wasn’t so much shocked by their answers as much as I noticed the answer that was not always said, “Because I love her!” – Well, let me take that back. All of the men (well most of them) said they did love their wives at during the conversation, but their initial responses were more like:
“Because I was getting tired of hearing her mouth. The constant threats of leaving me and finding someone else made me say “Fuck it.” It’s not even worth to start all over. So I’ll give her what she wants, if it would insure my sanity.”
“Her family was on me, plus she was pregnant and they didn’t know. I found the perfect mother to my soon to be newborn. That’s all a guy really wants.”
“It was just that time. I’ve been with her for over 10 years. What else is there to do?”
I walked away from this conversation feeling like “Men don’t choose to get married. They give in.” At first I found this statement ridiculous, but after thinking about it — I realized that know of just as many guys who got married just to shut a woman up or because they got tired of the game of hoes as I do men who say that they married for love.
Do men get married just for the hell of it? Really!?
The boys in the Men’s RoundTable like to have their fun. We talk a lot of ish, stare at pics of hotties, and we were really really mad about that whole replacement referee thing, and it was SERIOUS — but the truth is most of us are married, or have been at some point in our lives. The group is full of guys who know just how rare and valuable the love of a good woman can be (even if you did try to make us all change our diets for two weeks because of something you heard on The View).
So we asked the same question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all across the country offered opinions — and some of them might just surprise you. Here are some of the highlights:
I gave in. I got married strictly and exclusively because I had a baby on the way and I wanted her to have a “real” family.
I gave in. I mean initially she seemed like a good woman and cared about me and not just what I could do for her. I gave up all my old women and everything — but then after the “I do’s” it allll changed. I don’t regret anything though. I just learned from it. I can’t really say I’d never get married again — but it would have to be for the right reasons and I would not let myself get pressured into it like the first time around.
I got married because I was thoroughly convinced there was not a better woman out there for me than the one I found and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. And I haven’t met a woman yet even after all these years to convince me that I’m wrong in that thinking yet.
A man should only get married if he’s found a good chick and he feels that any amount of days, hours, minutes without her is wasted time. A guy’s got to feel like he only wants money or kids so that he can share them with her and no one else.
At least that’s why my dumb ass did it.
I gave in.. and I’m cool with it most days.
Personally speaking — I am at a point now where I am tired of having to juggle multiple women in order to try to assemble the qualities of that one perfect woman I have in my mind. SO what I am wrestling with is this idea of “What I am willing to settle for as being second best with the least amount of issues I am willing to overlook.” Sad to say, I am not getting any younger and I am not sure I want to play the game anymore.
I felt like I was at a point where I’d accomplished everything I wanted to try except for a threesome, and I’d finally found someone I wanted to settle down with.
It’s funny though, when I told my homies I was getting married it seem like the world froze for a minute — it was like I was at my peak and I just shut it down for a woman who was never on my radar before until I adjusted my saddle on my high horse.
I loved her, I really did. But I was happy just living together and she gave me an ultimatum. Essentially she had a chance to travel as part of her job — and she basically said, “This is a good opportunity, but I really want to stay here with you — so I need to know how you feel because I need to make a choice.”
I didn’t want to lose her even though I didn’t feel entirely ready for marriage. I knew it was what she wanted, so I took the leap.
I married my wife because she’s my best friend. She’s the first person I think of sharing anything with. Did I marry her because I loved her? Yes. Was it the 1st reason? Probably not. But I’m also the guy who says love doesn’t mean a relationship is gonna last. In a marriage, especially one that’s a few years in — love comes and goes. That’s not what keeps you together (it does help though).
In all honesty, the marriage originated because of a mix of reasons — she was pregnant, we had been together for 4 years, lived together for a year and a half, and I felt like it was just that time.
But the reason we got together to begin with — and are still together now is because we are best friends.
The first time out, I married for the pussy but forgot that I had to live with the pussy’s life support system. A long time later I decided that I’d only ever consider the issue if love was the base of the relationship AND if I knew that we would be better together than we would be apart. So when I met my current wife, I knew that I had to lock the franchise up. Best decision I ever made. She and I together are so much better than anything I could have imagined, and we both want the same things for our kids (and ourselves).
1) I don’t wanna live alone.
2) She had my baby.
3) She’s my compliment and supplement on many fronts.
4) She nagged the hell out of me.
5) I got past being in love with the idea of marriage.
6) I accepted the idea that I will sometimes vehemently dislike her.
7) She handles the books better than anyone else.
8) She’s seen me through some REALLY rough times.
For the folks that just “gave in” on getting married –are they at least happy with that decision? I know everyone doesn’t always end up with their soul mate — but it doesn’t seem like someone that got married “just because it was time” is making the best decision either. I just broke up with my girl after 4 years. I could have just wifed her up just for the sake of it but that wouldn’t have been fair for her if I wasn’t completely happy in the situation. Why do folks want to act like just having the title of being married automatically will make you better off?
..10) She’s upwardly mobile.
11) She’s driven more than I am. I’m a slug.
12) She can hold her likka.
13) She’s a nerd. I’m a geek.
14) She’s healthy (for now, God willing.)
15) I require tough love.
16) She’s West Indian..
Ugh, this guy. GET A ROOM ALREADY.
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
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