Technology is supposed to make our lives better. From the wheel to the smartphone, the advent of better and more advanced tools was always intended to make the world an easier place to exist in and give people more free time to be themselves.
But is that always a good thing?
Because when you get right down to it, the guy who first invented the wheel was essentially also the first guy EVER with a car – and we all know how cavewomen go for dudes with bitchin rims.
Which would be fine I suppose as long as Wilma wasn’t already waiting at home for Fred, knammsayin?
Advances in personal technology, especially in the modern age of social networking has had a direct effect on the way people interact with each other. It’s how a lot of us meet, communicate, stay in touch, and even reconnect after years apart. When you’re looking to meet new people, it’s an ideal tool.
But when you already know someone – things can start to get complicated.
Ideally, your on-line social life is meant to be an extension of who you are. It’s an easily-accessible version of you that’s ready to talk to friends all over the world, share a laugh, and maybe even build deeper connections. But for many people it’s also an opportunity to escape from the world they live in every day.
Because when you get right down to it — there’s no rule saying you have to be exactly who you are in real life when you’re online.
So part of the fun of online interaction is having places where it’s sometimes ok to be more ratchet than you can be at work, more political than you might be with strangers, or even more flirty than you might feel safe being at a public nightclub.
And for most people it’s not that big a deal, because to them it’s not real.
But where does that line between reality and play lie? And how can you really know if someone has crossed it?
Dear RoundTable,
I am currently dating a man who is very active on social networking sites. He has Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and whatever else is available. Does this bother me? — No.
What bothers me are the things he says on these sites:
“I’m looking for some skeezers”
“I should’ve asked old girl to come chill with me (posted at 5am, really?).”
“I’m trying to find me a wife.”I am normally not insecure, I feel if I’m in a relationship and the guy cheats on me then I’m done. I refuse to make myself sick stressing over a man when I can always get another one. The things he says online make me question the relationship. I will be turning 30 in less than two months and feel that I do not have time to waste on someone who isn’t serious about having a future.
We no longer follow each other on social networking because of an issue where a female “friend” of his posted something extremely disrespectful on his Facebook page.
I believe that once in a relationship something should just not be said in such public forums. My friends and his friends can see the things posted. It makes me feel funny around his friends because when he says these things online is he saying them to them — so now I’m around people who are possibly laughing at me because I’m with someone who really doesn’t seem want to be with me.
He says I shouldn’t take what he says online so serious. But to me I feel as if either he means the things he is saying or he’s just trying to “show off” for his friends. An in my opinion both are extremely childish and I know for fact that if I posted similar things he’d have a fit.
Slaus once said “Social networks don’t ruin relationships — your dumbazz doing dumbazz shyt is what ruins relationships.”
So should I take to heart the things he posts — or should I just let it roll off my back and keep it moving?
Please let me know what you think,
-About to log off.
We put this question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all across the country offered opinions — and even in some cases shared similar experiences of their own. Here are some of the highlights:
Dump the f**kwad and move on. You know if these questions are typical of what women are dealing with when it comes to dating, dudes are a lot more trifling nowadays than I thought.
Her simple-azz man Does. Not. Respect. Her.
Period. Full stop. End of line.
He’s clowning because he believes that he can. And as long as she lets him clown –he will. She needs to, ah, disabuse him of this notion. She needs to gone ahead and lock the kitty down in some Tupperware until Dumbazz learns some manners…OR she can make him kick rocks and move on to Plan B.
Why the hell did she even write us?
Why the hell didn’t she just leave?
If someone says “that’s disrespectful to me” and it’s ignored, then you LEAVE.
You’re JUST DATING. Stop acting like you can’t do better.
Dude needs to check his hoes.
I have had past female friends as just friends and they know not to cross that line. But I also don’t give them any ammo to do so either. These two must be youngins.
When I’m online people know i’m joking around, because I don’t take Facebook seriously AT ALL.
I hardly ever post serious statuses — so my ex got used to it knowing I was joking, so it was pretty much cool. Sometimes other people assume I’m serious and I let them — because what do I care if they look like the asses? If your relationship at home has communication, your partner should know who you are when you’re online.
At first I thought the dude was being a dick for acting like that around his woman — but then I thought about how some of the s**t I joke about online might sound to my wife and realized that we’re only getting one side of the story. Dude may very well be a disrepectful asshole, but then again he may sincerely be joking and doesn’t realize that she doesn’t see it that way. Either way, it doesn’t look like they’re good for each other, so they should both cut their losses and move the f**k on.
For a while there I had to actually post the words “no flirt” at the beginning of my jokes so bytches would stop tryna use the comments as a place to see if they could get some easy loving. Got so bad at one point that I actually had to do a post on my timeline clearly stating that I have someone I love at home and wasn’t looking for that sort of thing at all. Anonymous attention is nice and all, but it ain’t worth losing the good things in my life.
As a man who talks a LOT of s**t online and has a sense of humor that, ..um — takes some getting used to, I’ve been there before. Some people just have that crude sense of humor and like to act out online. And if she knew that about her man going in, then she just has to suck it up, or move on if she can’t take it.
But, if he’s just being disrespectful (especially after she said something about it and even UNFOLLOWED him because of some other hoe!?) for the sake of being a dick then f**k him.
I once made a facebook comment in a joking manner on the photo of a mutual female friend. And while it was completely harmless to me – my girl took it as flirting. My initial reaction was that she was over-reacting, but you have to try to take people’s feelings into account. I knew this particular girl’s insecurity was creating an issue — and I’m sure her friends were in her ear like “Oh, you’re gonna just stand for that?” So I not only apologized to my girl, but I also had a conversation with the subject of the drama like, “Look, I meant no disrespect, wasn’t trying to flirt etc, etc.”
Yeah, I had to deal with some of the same stuff from my ex-girlfriend. She’d say, “You know, that joke on Facebook really hurt my feelings..” And I was just like, “Look, you knew me and my sense of humor from the beginning. If you can’t deal with that, we might as well call it quits right now, because I’m not about to change.” And I stand by that because I know I’m not trying to intentionally disrespect anyone or belittle anyone’s feelings, and if we’re together you should know that too. But, if you’re an overly-sensitive type, s**t’s just not going to work with us.
Are they dating or just f*cking? I need to know how long they have been “together” or if they are together in her head?
If they are together she needs to address it with him. Directly, not beating around the bush. Just straight up ask him why would he be looking for skeezers if they are dating. No man in his right mind would air his dirt that freely for all to see if he really was in any type of committed relationship.
Relationships start because of attraction — but they are built on trust. So if you start to give your girl even a little reason to suspect that maybe you aren’t being straight with her — she’s gonna want to find out the rest. Because once a little bit of that trust is broken it’s way too easy for the rest of it to crumble on top of it. If she can’t trust you online, how can she trust you on a boys night out? And even if you were just playing around, now you’re having to constantly reassure her. No good can come of that.
Look, I don’t want to be the jerk in the room here — but how did these two meet? Because if she was a single girl online one night and responded to a tweet from this guy when he was “looking for skeezers” back then, how can she really expect that he wouldn’t turn right back around and do that all over again?
All I’m saying is that sometimes the evidence you’re looking for is already in the mirror.
Facebook can be the devil, but it’s easy to fix the problem: All you have to do is ask yourself, “How would I feel if she were posting these kinds of things like that where I could read them?” — and then delete everything because of course you’re doing something wrong.
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
Got a situation? Need a man’s opinion?
Email us at ohellnawl@gmail.com
Subject: Roundtable
@HexaCorde
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All I’m saying is that sometimes the evidence you’re looking for is already in the mirror.
I like this…
''lock the kitty down in some Tupperware until Dumbazz learns some manners''….And with this week's golden nugget,I bid you all adieu…….lmao!!!!!!!
“I’m trying to find me a wife.”
Um…so you're right around the corner from 30 and you haven't figured out if a guy that's dating you is posting statues like that, he's just not that in to you? What are you, just a placemarker in his life? The skeezer status I could see as a crass joke, but that up there isn't something men usually joke about. Most men don't like direct confrontation with women either, so maybe he's being indirect about saying you aren't the one. I don't know, but to me it sounds like you're wasting time here.
the thing about social media is that it does bring out the worse in people
I see a lot of crassness on twitter, facebook and the like
all in the name of being "famous"
people seem to think that social media is a place to be someone other than themselves
they seem to want to be "extra" at all times…because they get more followers…
I find that people who are like that probably lack some esteem and social media has allowed them to become the person they truly want to be…
now with that said…this woman needs to really figure out how well does she know this man and how much does she like him and is she willing to accept him and his apparent shortcomings
social media itself is not the cause of any issues within a relationship…the root cause is usually the insecurities of either or both parties involved…
I have a couple of questions. First…I need to know what BOTH PARTIES definition of dating is. And I need the letter writer to also specify between "I am currently dating a man" and "I feel if I’m in a relationship" because in MY brain, these are two totally different things. Once I know that, I can go. But for the most part, I agree with the 3rd dude (because I think he goes by my definition of dating). Go find another man to date lol
I'm with Twink on this one. She said dating but she's behaving like it's a relationship. I need to know which one it is. If they are just dating then date other people and wild out on social media, if that's what she's into. If they are at dating with the goal of a relationship then that's a little different. I still take the stuff he said as silly s**t coming off the top of his head. Even the wife comment. Why is she worried about that comment anyway if they are just "dating". Yeah, I'm not feeling like both parties are on the same page here.
Ok went back and read it. She is using dating and relationship interchangeably. Nah I can't get with this letter until some things are cleared up. Either way, if she doesn't like it and he doesn't much care about what she thinks, then she ought to leave the situation. People are going to do what they do but no one who really cares about someone would want to purposely hurt them.
Girl, bye! I hate dumb women…How many times does he have to FB/Tweet/instagram, you aint the only one? *sigh* SHe's so hung up on wanting a man, she's willing to put her coochie's health on the line and look like a fool…girl, good day, I cant with you!
I'm saying! Ole boy got her looking like Boo Boo the damn Fool…
"All you have to do is ask yourself, “How would I feel if she were posting these kinds of things like that where I could read them?” — and then delete everything because of course you’re doing something wrong."
That is all. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"We no longer follow each other on social networking because of an issue where a female “friend” of his posted something extremely disrespectful on his Facebook page."
This makes no sense to me.
Yeah even when I was putting this all together that one stuck out with me — I am worried my man is messing around on me with social networking, but I unfollowed him because one of his other "skeezers" was talking crap about me.
Seems to me it should have been the skeezer that was made to unfollow the guy, BY THE GUY for talking bad about his girl.
Unless of course he doesn't really think of her that way..
All the more reason for me to believe he doesn't take her or the relationship seriously.
the fact that a guy actually advised a woman to withhold sex is just…
y'all young folks….
"She needs to gone ahead and lock the kitty down in some Tupperware until Dumbazz learns some manners…"
so wait…this really happened…during a men's discussion???
I don't know any man, gay or straight, who would give that advice.
Me neither…I wouldn't even give it as a woman.
I'm not sure it would work in this particular case anyways.
Sounds like this dude has lots of Tupperware to choose from.
Different shapes and sizes too
<img border="0" src="http://blogs.babycenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/tupperware-before.jpg" alt="Pulpit rock" width="404" height="328">
She needs to bounce.
Listen…at the end of the day in whatever "relationship" you are in…if you communicate with someone your feelings about something that they do…and they continue to do that behavior or brush off your reaction to that behavior then you clearly have a decision to make.
We don't tend to keep messy, reckless, disrespectful woman in our circle but we question what to do when a man does those same things?
Nah
So wait…I read "we’re only getting one side of the story" and it made me think…
Where does the guy think they're going if they're just dating for the moment?
I don't recall her talking about his feelings about their future together. Has he stated any intention for for trying to get into something more serious with her? Or is he just dating to be dating and hasn't related this to her? Cuz if she wants one thing and what he wants ain't even in the same species…and they HAVEN'T talked with each other about that…someone's jumping the gun.
Inquiring minds.
case of her saying: we go together cause u liked all my pics on instagram v/s him saying: oh this just one of my hoes.
hmmm
The original letter was light on background relationship details — so it was never really clear from a practical standpoint just how committed they were attempting to be (living together/seriously dating/whatever) — but when you read the letter what you get is that she is at an age where she has a certain expectation of where things should be heading.
His behavior suggests that he isn't about that goal at all — but in the interest of full disclosure we didn't really have any details about where he stood on things to work with when we were responding.
I'd be interested to know if there's an age difference at play. She said in the letter she was close to 30, but the way she describes him he is (or at least acts) a lot younger.
I don't have any deep pearls of wisdom to offer. Just leave him.
I think that relationships should be kept to a minimum on social networks, but they should be respected nonetheless. I find the idea of people in relationships knowingly thirst trapping by talking about all the amazing things they do or posting sexy pics, etc to be disrespectful. I find the idea of people in relationships knowingly thirsting by telling someone what they want to or would do to be disrespectful.
BUT I think there's a difference when it's done in jest:
If everyone on his TL knows he's in a relationship or if he flirts with anything that moves or if he's goofy 24-7 that's different than comments that are posted to entice. It's the difference between hunting (hey here's an opening for a freaky comment) and luring (let me post a freaky comment to get some attention).
He doesn't have to say your name or @ you, but if people frequently seem surprised that he has a "her" or boldly don't give a **** then he obviously hasn't shown that he cares about you in his day to day comments and you need to give up the ghost.
Agreed.
Roll. Bounce.
Note to self to be shared with with all the fellas out there, chicks take just about everything said on social media very seriously
<img src="http://i1148.photobucket.com/albums/o569/mac_willi/blackguys.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket">
Can this go into the ring with the "so many options" argument?
Yup, stay losing.
If you're not happy and you've expressed it and the person you are "dating", "smanging" or "til death to us part" hasn't made any effort to compromise or work through the issue, leave. That person is not going to change and they shouldn't have to change. They don't see their behavior as a problem and it is not your responsibility to get them to see it as problematic.
<img src=http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/vader_didnt_read.gif>
I want to know where this ratchet Star Wars show took place. This is the same stage where Chewbacca got down.
<img src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/rkt/894952/22214/22214_300.gif">
…and this one, too!
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/283/436/524.gif">
Ummmmm,why is Chewy shakin it like a salt shaker?
This has comic con written all over it
They're annual shows at one of the Disney Parks (Check YouTube – StarWars Weekend). They do this kind of "Dancing with the Stars" thing with different configurations of performers and tgere's always Michael Jackson somewhere. I don't know StarWars, but I know awesome YouTube videos.
The Internet wont let me be great (and embed), but this has a little Chewy shaking and Boba Fett's dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmSavoUazYQ&fe…
Wookie Belly dance [youtube 8Sb_3FpyimU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sb_3FpyimU youtube]