Technology is supposed to make our lives better. From the wheel to the smartphone, the advent of better and more advanced tools was always intended to make the world an easier place to exist in and give people more free time to be themselves.
But is that always a good thing?
Because when you get right down to it, the guy who first invented the wheel was essentially also the first guy EVER with a car – and we all know how cavewomen go for dudes with bitchin rims.
Which would be fine I suppose as long as Wilma wasn’t already waiting at home for Fred, knammsayin?
Advances in personal technology, especially in the modern age of social networking has had a direct effect on the way people interact with each other. It’s how a lot of us meet, communicate, stay in touch, and even reconnect after years apart. When you’re looking to meet new people, it’s an ideal tool.
But when you already know someone – things can start to get complicated.
Ideally, your on-line social life is meant to be an extension of who you are. It’s an easily-accessible version of you that’s ready to talk to friends all over the world, share a laugh, and maybe even build deeper connections. But for many people it’s also an opportunity to escape from the world they live in every day.
Because when you get right down to it — there’s no rule saying you have to be exactly who you are in real life when you’re online.
So part of the fun of online interaction is having places where it’s sometimes ok to be more ratchet than you can be at work, more political than you might be with strangers, or even more flirty than you might feel safe being at a public nightclub.
And for most people it’s not that big a deal, because to them it’s not real.
But where does that line between reality and play lie? And how can you really know if someone has crossed it?
I am currently dating a man who is very active on social networking sites. He has Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and whatever else is available. Does this bother me? — No.
What bothers me are the things he says on these sites:
“I’m looking for some skeezers”
“I should’ve asked old girl to come chill with me (posted at 5am, really?).”
“I’m trying to find me a wife.”
I am normally not insecure, I feel if I’m in a relationship and the guy cheats on me then I’m done. I refuse to make myself sick stressing over a man when I can always get another one. The things he says online make me question the relationship. I will be turning 30 in less than two months and feel that I do not have time to waste on someone who isn’t serious about having a future.
We no longer follow each other on social networking because of an issue where a female “friend” of his posted something extremely disrespectful on his Facebook page.
I believe that once in a relationship something should just not be said in such public forums. My friends and his friends can see the things posted. It makes me feel funny around his friends because when he says these things online is he saying them to them — so now I’m around people who are possibly laughing at me because I’m with someone who really doesn’t seem want to be with me.
He says I shouldn’t take what he says online so serious. But to me I feel as if either he means the things he is saying or he’s just trying to “show off” for his friends. An in my opinion both are extremely childish and I know for fact that if I posted similar things he’d have a fit.
Slaus once said “Social networks don’t ruin relationships — your dumbazz doing dumbazz shyt is what ruins relationships.”
So should I take to heart the things he posts — or should I just let it roll off my back and keep it moving?
Please let me know what you think,
-About to log off.
We put this question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all across the country offered opinions — and even in some cases shared similar experiences of their own. Here are some of the highlights:
Dump the f**kwad and move on. You know if these questions are typical of what women are dealing with when it comes to dating, dudes are a lot more trifling nowadays than I thought.
Her simple-azz man Does. Not. Respect. Her.
Period. Full stop. End of line.
He’s clowning because he believes that he can. And as long as she lets him clown –he will. She needs to, ah, disabuse him of this notion. She needs to gone ahead and lock the kitty down in some Tupperware until Dumbazz learns some manners…OR she can make him kick rocks and move on to Plan B.
Why the hell did she even write us?
Why the hell didn’t she just leave?
If someone says “that’s disrespectful to me” and it’s ignored, then you LEAVE.
You’re JUST DATING. Stop acting like you can’t do better.
Dude needs to check his hoes.
I have had past female friends as just friends and they know not to cross that line. But I also don’t give them any ammo to do so either. These two must be youngins.
When I’m online people know i’m joking around, because I don’t take Facebook seriously AT ALL.
I hardly ever post serious statuses — so my ex got used to it knowing I was joking, so it was pretty much cool. Sometimes other people assume I’m serious and I let them — because what do I care if they look like the asses? If your relationship at home has communication, your partner should know who you are when you’re online.
At first I thought the dude was being a dick for acting like that around his woman — but then I thought about how some of the s**t I joke about online might sound to my wife and realized that we’re only getting one side of the story. Dude may very well be a disrepectful asshole, but then again he may sincerely be joking and doesn’t realize that she doesn’t see it that way. Either way, it doesn’t look like they’re good for each other, so they should both cut their losses and move the f**k on.
For a while there I had to actually post the words “no flirt” at the beginning of my jokes so bytches would stop tryna use the comments as a place to see if they could get some easy loving. Got so bad at one point that I actually had to do a post on my timeline clearly stating that I have someone I love at home and wasn’t looking for that sort of thing at all. Anonymous attention is nice and all, but it ain’t worth losing the good things in my life.
As a man who talks a LOT of s**t online and has a sense of humor that, ..um — takes some getting used to, I’ve been there before. Some people just have that crude sense of humor and like to act out online. And if she knew that about her man going in, then she just has to suck it up, or move on if she can’t take it.
But, if he’s just being disrespectful (especially after she said something about it and even UNFOLLOWED him because of some other hoe!?) for the sake of being a dick then f**k him.
I once made a facebook comment in a joking manner on the photo of a mutual female friend. And while it was completely harmless to me – my girl took it as flirting. My initial reaction was that she was over-reacting, but you have to try to take people’s feelings into account. I knew this particular girl’s insecurity was creating an issue — and I’m sure her friends were in her ear like “Oh, you’re gonna just stand for that?” So I not only apologized to my girl, but I also had a conversation with the subject of the drama like, “Look, I meant no disrespect, wasn’t trying to flirt etc, etc.”
Yeah, I had to deal with some of the same stuff from my ex-girlfriend. She’d say, “You know, that joke on Facebook really hurt my feelings..” And I was just like, “Look, you knew me and my sense of humor from the beginning. If you can’t deal with that, we might as well call it quits right now, because I’m not about to change.” And I stand by that because I know I’m not trying to intentionally disrespect anyone or belittle anyone’s feelings, and if we’re together you should know that too. But, if you’re an overly-sensitive type, s**t’s just not going to work with us.
Are they dating or just f*cking? I need to know how long they have been “together” or if they are together in her head?
If they are together she needs to address it with him. Directly, not beating around the bush. Just straight up ask him why would he be looking for skeezers if they are dating. No man in his right mind would air his dirt that freely for all to see if he really was in any type of committed relationship.
Relationships start because of attraction — but they are built on trust. So if you start to give your girl even a little reason to suspect that maybe you aren’t being straight with her — she’s gonna want to find out the rest. Because once a little bit of that trust is broken it’s way too easy for the rest of it to crumble on top of it. If she can’t trust you online, how can she trust you on a boys night out? And even if you were just playing around, now you’re having to constantly reassure her. No good can come of that.
Look, I don’t want to be the jerk in the room here — but how did these two meet? Because if she was a single girl online one night and responded to a tweet from this guy when he was “looking for skeezers” back then, how can she really expect that he wouldn’t turn right back around and do that all over again?
All I’m saying is that sometimes the evidence you’re looking for is already in the mirror.
Facebook can be the devil, but it’s easy to fix the problem: All you have to do is ask yourself, “How would I feel if she were posting these kinds of things like that where I could read them?” — and then delete everything because of course you’re doing something wrong.
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
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