One of the things that tends to cause problems in relationships is the fact that even the happiest of couples get frustrated with each other sometimes. Let’s be real here — sometimes your significant other can just drive you crazy. And when people are frustrated in a relationship — especially when it comes to really core issues, a lot of people find that it helps to talk those frustrations out with someone else.
We’ve all got that one friend who comes to us for relationship advice — even if the issues are simple or petty, because sometimes walking through an issue with a (mostly) objective third party can help folks see things in a better light. But as a consequence, many of us have lots of dirt on our peoples boyfriends or girlfriends that we may not have ever wanted to know — especially if we happen to be friends with that other person too.
All those vague loyalties, the weight of having to keep secrets for one friend about another friend, the risk that your gripes might be given away or confessed before you feel you’re ready to really discuss them with your partner.. it can be a dangerous path.
So what some people choose to do is trust in the comfort of strangers.
Of course with social networking no one’s really a true stranger anymore, and sometimes internet friends can provide a clear-eyed perspective that your so called “close friends” might feel uncomfortable about giving.
But when you start airing out your dirty laundry in an unfamiliar laundromat — sometimes those stains end up getting back on you.
Dear RoundTable,
I wanted to ask for some male advice; I’ve been talking to a guy online and at first we were just trading 1 or 2 pictures and fake talking about our future.
He said he was extremely attracted to me, physically, but also really liked my personality.
I knew he was in relationship – but he didn’t seem too serious about it because it was only a few months old and long distance (she and I live in the same area).
I knew he felt disrespected by his GF and I would make jokes about how he should stop talking to me and work on his relationship with her. For me it was just fun flirting until he pointed out his girlfriend online and then I felt real jealousy because I didn’t think she deserved him. She was young and immature, she would flirt with other guys, tell them that her man was thirsty.
He said I helped him realize through his conversations with me that he needed to recommit to his GF 110% and try to get her to change, like I changed him. He said he wanted to help HER to be more like ME! Mature, caring, unselfish, etc.
The girl is who she is, likes attention, boasts about her looks and KNOWS he dislikes her behavior (she does it, then apologizes later, repeatedly).
I don’t know how much more of a chance he needs to give her to change — but I just keep wondering why make someone more like me when I already exist?
In other words: Why does he want to change her when he could have me instead?
Please let me know what you think,
- Older, Wiser, and Better
We put this question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all across the country offered opinions — and even in some cases shared similar experiences of their own. Here are some of the highlights:
Maybe because she was there first and he’s not a total douche? Just guessing.
Something is keeping him there. Seriously, if it was that bad he would have been have ended that relationship a long time ago.
The way I figure it — no matter how bad the problems on the surface, the coochile is probably like a diamond to him.
The other girl might not like hearing this, but she’s just there for emotional support.
Ummm homegirl — Let it go. If dude wants to work on his relationship, let him.
You shouldn’t have caught feelings for old boy when you KNEW he had a girl. If they don’t work out then you can feel free to pursue –but otherwise you need to calm your tits and be his friend..
Are you serious? WTF planet are you living on?
See this is why ya’ll gonna continue to have issues getting a decent guy. First off you knew he was in a relationship. But you say it was just flirting on your part until you got to see the chick. Now all of a sudden you wanna bow up all swole like you are the better chick for him!? Not six got damn seconds and two sammiches ago you was content playing with his emotions cause it was “just flirting.” Mane fugg you and you kind.
Silly girl – he has both of ya’ll. He ain’t gotta choose.
OF COURSE he’s staying with his girl — he never had any intention of leaving.
She might not be perfect and he might bitch about her, but if he had any designs on stepping out, wouldn’t he have already made a move on this girl he said was “attracted to” by now?
Here’s the thing though — right or wrong, the friendship between her and this guy was basically an emotional connection. He felt he could go to her with his issues in confidence, and because of that comfort zone was able to sort of vent about his girlfriends issues.
If his main chick finds out about this she might just bounce on him anyways. Why not just go to his girlfriend with these gripes?
Shouldna been flirting w/dude in the first place. You knew you were tryna get w/him from jump.
*ahem* GOTCHA BITCH!
You are now on stand-by. You have just become his “In Case of Emergency” mouth. He knows if his girl pisses him off, he can go out of town, give you a good konging and go right back to his girl.
At least I know that’s what I would do, lol.
He has them both right where he wants them. Because now it’s a competition. The other girl is pretty so now it’s her goal to make him leave for her. Women play that damn game all the time.
Get mad at me if you want, but it’s not like his main chick doesn’t plays games too. Calling him thirsty to others and all that? Fugg that chick with a sick dack.
Why did he choose her over you?
Because she’s better looking than you are and/or she provides more of a challenge.
Welcome to Side-pieceville.
I think there’s some space here to call this guy a crappy boyfriend.
His attitude about his girl is pretty sour, and although we’re getting a biased re-telling of the facts, it would seem at one point he was actively convinced he needed to change what kind of person she was. The fact that he can’t go to his own girl with these gripes is sorta lame.
This drives me nuts – Girl was acting like it was all harmless or whatever, and even blew it off when he said he was attracted to her (how serious he was about that is debatable, but still) — so she’d sort of dismissed him romantically already, UNTIL she saw the other girl. So this whole ‘change of heart’ apparently has NOTHING to do with him at all — it’s just some sort of competitive “I’m prettier” than her bulls**t. Say he does leave his girl for her because now she’s “into him” — how long is that gonna last when it’s based on petty crap like this?
Lemme give y’all a Dr. Jack Ramsay-style breakdown of this shyt:
1. Dude was already in another relationship.
2. The writer confessed to flirting with a dude who was already in a relationship.
3. The writer confessed that she only felt something for Mr. Taken when she saw his girl…and immediately assumed that dude could and should trade up – to HER.
4. Dude made it clear that he is NOT dropping his girl…and the writer is MAD about it.
This girl who wrote the letter is STANK. STANK AS AAAWWLL HALE. STANK AS UNWASHED BUTTCRACK STANK. People in relationships should be Off Limits — PERIOD. As long as he is happy with his girl, it ain’t nobody else’s meddlin-azz bidness. She’s confusing her outside observer opinion with his ability to choose his own mate — and I don’t give a downstroke about whether she don’t think he chose “right,” because HE already made that choice.
It’s nice to have someone to confide in, an outside opinion to go to when you’re frustrated about something — and what happens a lot with guys and girls is when that connection is there, attraction (of a sorts) easily follows. So dudes get smitten with hot bartenders and girls get a certain idea about personal trainers or the UPS guy. And its nice to fantasize and all, but it’s not real.
Get over yourself.
It comes down to it being his choice. Even though she thinks she is the better woman — she has to realize that the guy didn’t really consider her romantically in the first place, just someone who he talked to as a friend with relationship advice. She shouldn’t surprised that he acted along his own thinking and not her reasoning that he should have chosen her instead.
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
Got a situation? Need a man’s opinion?
Email us at ohellnawl@gmail.com
Subject: Roundtable
@HexaCorde
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surprising that none of the men said bitch he put you in the hoe category
you knew he was taken!!!
yet you still flirted with him
YOU say now it was all in fun but bitch I bet you are lying
you was really feelin' dude and what you was saying (all in good clean flirting, lying trick) was for real
now that he doesn't want yo hoe ass you want to get mad
bitch please stop "harmlessly" flirting with taken men your life will be easier
There were a number of references to her shiny new residence in Side-Pieceville.
It's a prominent suburb of Hoe Category City, just south of You Knew What This Was-burg.
" i knew he was in a relationship"
and that is where i stopped reading.
ma'am, that's where the credits should have been rolled. "why help her be like me when he could have me?" BECAUSE HE'S IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! everything you're feeling is misplaced (jealousy, pistivity level of her shenanigans, etc). how are you going to insert yourself into this relationship where he's actually saying in between the words that he doesn't really want to be with you in the first place? and what kind of dude is he that if she truly is making him that miserable, why come to you of all people instead of talking to her? the sugar ain't mixing with the kool-aid here. there's someone who's thirsty alright….
if you really have any sense of self left, LEAVE HIM ALONE! he's not the only man out there. go to the creek and do some fishing. leave him to his demise instead of letting him use you and drag you into it causing even more drama than needed….which is NONE. there is someone out there for you far more worthy of you if you look for them.
Where is Bill Clinton and "arithmetic" when you need him, cuz I don't think they hear you!
People always want what they can't have.
" i knew he was in a relationship"
and that is where i stopped reading.
Me flipping too! That was the red-flag burning bush that was ignored. I will never understand why so many women and girls sign up for the side-piece special, and then grumble about it.
LOL I'm no angel, nor am I the sharpest shank in the crackden, but my dear you have no shame or sense. He's staying with the girlfriend because he's comfortable. He's messing with you because he's horny!
Unless you extricate yourself from this situation you are going to become the sidepiece very soon. And you will hate it, trust me. Forget him.
Wow some woman actually sent this in to the men's round table? I bet this wasn't what she was expecting in the way of advice. Wonder how this is working out for her.
Either know you're role as the sidepiece or leave the situation…That's it. There is no confusion here. There is nothing to get all thoughtful about. Play your role or leave.
Yeah…she's setting herself up for failure and disappointment in going after somebody she knows is taken.
You ain't right for the "McKayla Maroney isn't impressed" picture, either.
And this weeks' phrase that pays…'This girl who wrote the letter is STANK. STANK AS AAAWWLL HALE. STANK AS UNWASHED BUTTCRACK STANK. ''……..Def Comedy jam worthy!!!!!!!!
With liberties taken (I changed some of the words); Miss Lorretta Lynn done already spoke on this:
You told the Men's Roundtable something they ought to know
That he shouldn't love her anymore and he should let her go
You say you want to take him but they don't think you can
Cause He himself done told you
That you ain't woman enough to take HER man
Women like you they're a dime a dozen and can be found anywhere
For you to get to him she'd have to move over and again he done told you his damned self
Right where he stands. And though you may be older, wiser and better
She still has her man.
Man she stupid. She asks for everything her dumbass gets.
HEY I got a Roundtable question can I just ask that shyt out here? I ain't tryin to be all private privatson.
Shoot it to the email (ohellnawl@gmail.com) — that's where the robots hang out
FUN HATER
Point who this is out to me so I can stuff some common sense in a sock and beat the brakes off her with it.
"What's so special about her?" She's not a dumb ass jumpoff!
It's dumb chicks like this that make slimy ninjas STAY winning!
<img src="http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/pinkdafairy/Thread%20Bombs/tumblr_m33igmjrfX1qfengno1_500.jpg">
Neither one of them are worth a damn, but I do love how everyone is mostly going in only on the stupid ass broad. Not that she didn't deserve it, either. She knew she should have left dude alone once she found out he was in a relationship, but how much you wanna bet she'd already made plans to snatch his ass – fugg being a friend, she wanted him for her damn self from jump. Ol' skank.
That being said, that fool she was trying to snatch ain't shyt neither. He was quite content to let homegirl get all up in her feelings about him and give him sympathy when he wanted to complain about his current chick. Buttering her ass the fugg up so he could get him some when he was in town seeing #1(the fact that both women are in the same town is NOT a coincidence). But she started feeling herself a bit too much so he had to shut that down…..not that it worked, because now she wants him more than ever, probably to the point of trying to screw up his "real" relationship.
Both of them need an ass whooping by Big Mama, then have a stadium full of seats in the corner before they find out the hard way what happens when ballers and side chicks go crazy. Fugging children.
See, I never really think of anything to say, on the whole. But if I were to, I wouldn't need to anyway, as Lady C voices it every single damn time.
"Not six got damn seconds and two sammiches ago you was content playing with his emotions cause it was “just flirting.” Mane fugg you and you kind."
I'm just here for this comment lmaooo
Right?!? 2 doe??? Idied.
These Men's Roundtable questions make women look bad. Just like anything you post about Florida make humans look bad.
Who are these stooopid women? these girls need an honest friend and a mirror.
Well, the fellas did not hold back on this one.
Welps.