As many of you know here at OHN, when it comes to Zombies, I was once the biggest scarediest b8tch in all the lands. Two years ago when the Walking Dead first came on AMC, I tried my best to watch the first episode but not 15 minutes into the show I found myself frantically reaching for the remote in order to cut it off. Not being able to find it though, my fat-ass just ran out of the room and upstairs.
Yes I could have just went up to the television to turn it off, but that would have meant actually getting close to the television and there was a zombie on the screen reaching out to eff up my very soul.
Poor chick’s vagina just fell smooth the hell off…..
So… I ran.
I’m not proud of it… but I did.
It was another year before I attempted to watch the show again but this time my fears had subsided a wee bit due to the fact I had read several zombie novels – one of which, World War Z, I read twice, and had become fascinated with the concept of the Walking Dead. So… I decided to give the show another chance. This time my wife; Wanna and I watched it… together. I figured that having my lady with me would cause me to stop acting like a bytch in order to save face in front of her because hey… i’m a man.. THE man of this home and I can’t be seen looking like a lil punk in front of my lady.
:: shrugs :; I left her azz on this couch watching it by herself. Cuz I ran. Again.
But then I came back.. made it all the way through the episode and….needed to see more. Then mor.. then more then more, and before you knew it… We had watched the entire first season. And it was Amazing.
All this time that we were watching season 1, you all were half way through season 2, and because my wife and I rather refuse to watch episodic television week to week, we knew it would be a whole year before we too would be able to enjoy in the drama and undead awesomeness. And wait we did….and it was well worth it.
Now, having watched all two seasons back to back as well as the first episode of season three, I just have a few questions.
1). WHY THE F*CK DOESN’T CARL EVER JUST STAY IN THE HOUSE!!
This gatdamn punk-ass kid has but one thing to do. ONE thing to do!! SIT THE F*CK DOWN SOMEWHERE IN THE HOUSE! But nooooo this lil precocious bytch wants to wander all about the gatdamn countryside…. wander off alone… and skip rocks down creeks… poke Zombies with sticks… and just generally get into all types of foolishness like a lilttle boy does. BUT most little boys don’t live in a gatdamn zombie infested world where going a day without having your face eaten the hell off is an accomplishment! Like living in FLorida, but not as bad. but because THIS lil fool wonders off and gets into ish, BAD ISH ENDS UP BEFALLING OTHER PEOPLE!!!! Old men get their stomachs ripped open by the same ponk-azz zombie the kid was throwing rocks at just hours before and didn’t kill etc etc. Man… eff this kid. Just Eff him.
2). As a parent, WHO THE F*CK JUST LETS THEIR KID WANDER AROUND IN A ZOMBIE INFESTED WORLD!
bytch I don’t care if you think the farm is safe, I don’t care if you haven’t seen a zombie on the property in days! maaaaan you KNOW they are out there! There are more zombies than their are living people so…. WHY is your kid not near you at ALL TIMES!!! It makes no sense!!!!! Watch your damn kids!!!!
3). WHO BRINGS A BABY INTO THE WORLD DURING A ZOMBIE INFESTED APOCALYPSE!!!!
Let me tell you something. In the zombie apocalypse, any of you fools get pregnant, please understand we’re leaving you behind or i’m kicking you in the stomach for the greater good. : shrugs : Sorry, bytch but this is an apocalypse!! Mofos aint got tiiiiime for morality! Morality, compassion and understanding are a luxury and it’s a luxury that MY group aint gonna be able to afford. How the hell are we supposed to run with a waddling-azz preggy heffa in the group! How are we supposed to hide out whilst your baby is crying ass crying!!?? Hale to alll the nawls!!!! You can take some morning after pills or take these bullets, heffa! Nope. besides, WHO the hell would even bring a child INTO that kind of world, son!!!! Come on!!
4). WHY THE HELL IS THE ONLY BLACK MAN ON THE SHOW HAVE TO BE NAMED T-dog.
His Momma didn’t name him T-dog, gat dammit. Why can’t we call him Terrance ?? Some booolshyt. And damn can T-dog get some more damn screen time in season 3??? Hell, after the 2nd episode of season 2, i forgot his azz was even there!!!! Did he even SAY a line after that episode??? Dang. I guess i’ll just be happy he is even alive, shyt.
5). WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE STILL PRAYING!!!
When the folks are hiding from the zombies or lecturing one another, from time to time they keep bringing up praying and praying for their survival and such. MAAAAAAN WHY are you PRAYING!! It’s an APOCALYPSE!! OBVIOUSLY God has come to a conclusion regarding the planet earth and a decision has been maaaaade and sorry to break it to you.. it didn’t work out too well for us. Quit all the damn praying! You are already IN hell. Kind of a moot point now. Just saying.
6). WHO THE F*CK IS CUTTING THE GRASS!!!
Several damn scene in the walking dead, is featured in subdivisions, on farms etc and…. I need to know who the hell is mowing lawns!!!???? I need to know!!
7). WHY THE F*CK DO THEY EVER ENGAGE IN CONVERSATIONS FACE TO FACE!!!??
I don’t care WHAT we have to talk about, people. NONE of it is important enough to do face to face. No. You want to talk to me, fine but you look that way and i’ll look this way so that we aren’t so involved in a conversation that we don’t notice zombies coming to chomp us the haaaale up!!! THEN b*tches get mad at one another and storm off to go cool off….alone. Then look shocked when all of a sudden there is a zombie eating out their anus!!! SIT CHO AZZ DOWN!!!!!!
Still, this is simply one of the best shows on television. After awhile you become less afraid of the zombies and you become more afraid of the humans and you become insanely afraid at their stupidity at times.
Take it from me… someone who was horribly afraid of all things zombie, and do yourself a favour. Watch this show….. Seasons 1 and 2 are on netflix right now. Trust me.. it’s worth it.
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I owe a HUGE thank you to Ambz and Jay…I went to spend the weekend with them last year and they "forced" me to watch Season 1 of Walking Dead before Season 2 was about to start. Man I was HOOKED!!
I planned my entire Sunday around season 3's premiere!
dinner done
kitchen clean
clothes for Monday ironed
shower taken
hair wrapped
dog fed and evening outside time done
I was in my room remote in hand ready for it to start
I was glad Dorian wasn't home cause he would have bothered me and I might have had to cuss out my son!
As a Christian I'd still be praying…on the run though…I am not stopping to do much of anything other than a pee/s**t break, eat and to take care of my hair…oh yes my hair will be laid for the gawds throughout the zombie attack and if anyone says ish about me taking care of my hair I will kill you!
And why couldn't Carl be zombified like the one little girl what was her name Sophia or something like that…
Every week I know I say I hate Lori and Carl!
I h8chu so much right now for sayin you'll kick somebody in the stomach for the greater good! Really, I don't understand how folks have that lovin' feelin' when there's no running water and they look like they've been sweating for a month straight. They're in the south. Where's it's hot & muggy. No amount of pheremones will get me going under those circumstances and by chance you get too into the groove and end up in a threesome with zombie. Nope. You will NOT be performing chompiligus on me!
And T-Dawg, I was wondering what they were going to do with him. In the comic book…err, graphic novel, there is another leader of the group along with Rick, a black guy who now seems to be a watered down version of what we see as T-Dawg on screen.
I wish Carl would get eaten. That is all.
Chompilingus huh!?!
Imma need you to exit stage left for chompilingus ma'am ====>
Shiiii I aint going without dack from huuuuzbin for years! F that. lol I immediately thought "Screwing though a ziplock bag!"
There is also a black guy or 2 in the group discovered in the jail. Dont know what role they will play
psssh… morning after pills or go to glory… yo choice.
You just best be concerned you keep your grunts to a minimum, or you might get slayed while getting laid.
WHO has time for jibbying!!! lmao. or even the ability to get it up during such a time.
That's what I'm talking about! Hell, while we have to worry about zombies, there's also the funk of 40,000 years coming out from our nether regions because there is NO RUNNING water. I doubt I'll explore my own wilderness in such stressful times.
please leave the blog now!
*weak* at funk of 40,000 years
man folks got they priorities all messed up in the game!
It's a scientific fact that dangerous situations make people horny.
yea I ain't fuggin' nobody that ain't clean!
fugg all that
I'll just let my fingers handle that if I need a release but seriously who in all the hells is thinking about sex while you trying to fight for your damn life!
My life >>>>> some dack
i also wondered how they are fuggin and nobody has had a shower in 2 years. hell rick is the cleanest of them all after showering in the police station. all types of fungus and odors of marinated sweaty balls and vag. may as well grab zombie puss for all that. no thank you. i'd have a lot of me time. but let the showers work in the prison. mess around and be an all out orgy in there.
Lmao @ #1-4! The fact that every person I've known that watches this show has asked these exact same questions is hilarious to me.
The number of times I've uttered "F**kin Carl" or "THIS b**ch" in regards to Lori. . . . .
And ohhhh the T-Dog thing irks me to no end! It's soooo corny and unnecessary. Don't even get me started on my rant about this.
Nope, you still can't get me to watch that. Dude, I will watch shows with clowns before I will watch anything with zombies.
I have an acute fear of both…and I still fuggs with The Walking Dead…I think it's good to know your enemy lol…But I'm also married to a man that I can sit down with and come up with comprehensive zombie plans so…
Just for you though:
<img src="http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/740321_o.gif"/>
Sooo mad at you right now. Thankfully it's still daytime so I know I'm safe.
I LOVE Zombie Land. Probably my fave movie.
That damn Carl makes me want to whoop his azz! Always some damn where he aint supposed to be! Him and his mama just give me the blues!
Mayne look, I haven't caught up on Walking Dead cuz what I saw of the 2nd season bored me – but I've heard the 3rd one picks up again so I'll likely check it out.
And Slaus? You will be the first to go in the zombie apocalypse — not only will you provide us a head start as the zombies try & eat you, but there's hope you'll make them sick…*shrug*
season 2 bored you?
*blinks*
might as well just not watch it then…
I just now realized who Beffa is…lol
But the episodes I saw (didn't see them all) were a bunch of exposition & talking, so I got bored quickly…*shrug*
My husband thought Season 2 was boring too – too much talking he said. The lack of zombie attacks was disappointing,
please.. that woulda have been true a year ago? Now? if I'm lagging behind, i'm just shooting one of you in the knee and moseying along while the zombies chomp on you.
survival of the fittest or the cruelest… either way. lol
aint gonna be NO such thing as friendships in a time of me or you.
Ahem…I believe that is called pulling a "Shane" as you will…
lol right…. or getting otis'd
The pregnant one thinks her baby is already dead, and confided since everyone may already carry the zombie virus/ gene, the baby might already be a zombie. What if it finds some way to bite her from the inside? They could wake up in a totally sealed area, to that chick gnawing on someone. In lieu of an experienced hospital staff and equipment…. shoot her.
I am a die hard zombie fan me and the s/o have already mapped out our plans for the apocalypse. But the real question is who's baby is it??? I'm thinking Shane's. Rick was in the hospital for at least a week before he got out and i'm thinking it was another 1 or 2 before he caught up with them and her and Shane were frolicking in the woods by that time.
I'm thinking it's Shane's too. Even with the world going to hell in a hand basket she still has time to gap them legs.
"she still has time to gap them legs."
….get out lol
I will do no such thing!
You and I both know she was gutta slut stankin and had the nerve to let that monkey loose. And then have guilt written all over her dirty little face when hubby shows up.
That just lets you know that hoes will be hoes will be hoes……..
I would also recommend the visual novel game. It's available for download on XBox Live and PSN for only $5 dollars per episode. It's not hard, as it is a point-an-click game, but it's a super fun little side story dealing with another group of survivors.
The fact that the main character is a black dude and a former college professor is a plus too.
I started with the graphic novel about seven years ago. When I found out they were making it into a television show, I was geeked. Found out they were filming in Atlanta, I was euphoric. Found out that they had a casting call for extras, I peed, just a little. Man, you would think I would have gotten a shot at being a zombie, but nooooooooooooo. Now, I just fume. Still live the show. I am real deep in the story and know things about Carl, Lori, and The Governor that would blow your mind. Now, the show hasn't stuck directly to the comic and they know how to still blow my mind. I didn't see the death of Dale coming, not by a long shot.
Just remember the World War Z strategy: head north because a frozen zombie can't move for shyt!!
Haven't watched The Walking Dead (I want to get my hands on the graphic novel first), but I've been following reactions on Tumblr and Twitter. Just about everybody wants Carl dead. EVERYBODY! The only other fictional child I've seen that level of understandable hatred for is Joffrey on Games of Thrones (again, haven't watched).