Guess what time it is? It’s Halloween time! I haven’t even picked a party, but it’s time to pick a costume! Well it’s time for y’all ratchet beasts to pick my costume. This year I put some thought into my choices and I picked items that I was really feeling, in that I would find a reason to wear them again, even if it was a dumb ass reason. In fact I may not wear these for Halloween, I may wear these to the club. You think I won’t? Ha bet I do!
This first costume (Deluxe Gangsta Mama by Roma – Roma makes the hottest strippery costumes): I would wear it on a date, I would wear it to the grocery store . . . Unfortunately, right now it doesn’t come in my size, it might only fit one boob, but that one boob would look spectacular. I’m joining a new gym just so I can look fabulous like Choc and pop it in this outfit without ripping seams.
Perhaps I could also pair it with this duster (Mafia Mama by Roma) and just be the sexiest pimp at the imaginary Player’s Ball in my head. “You looking at my man? You bet not. I’ll beat a b*tch with my cane and bust some heads.” *Plays Buss it Wide Open by Lil Kee in my head*
Second Costume: So this is nice right? It’s purple. I love purple. AND it doesn’t look like I earn $145 for a happy ending in the back of some married man’s SUV at 5:25 on a Tuesday. What? I couldn’t be a cheap ho, some of these costumes are costly. If I got this robe I’d also plan to buy an electric candle (Cuz I’m scared of real fire, yeah, no lie, shaddup) and wander around the pond of my apartment complex at midnight freaking out my neighbors. I might chant Mystikal lyrics cuz they’re indecipherable and the random yelling of “DANGER” while spinning would be EPIC. You like the costume? Yes? No? Should I lower my hoeing rates?
Third Costume (Swashbuckler by Roma): When I was a teenager I wanted to dress like a pirate (long vests, knee high boots). I think it’s because my parents made me wear an eye patch (I had a purple one), but that’s a different post. Apparently as an adult I still want to dress like a pirate. I would lose the hat, sword and throw on slimmer boots and hit the streets of Chicago in this outfit. Yep, when you see that Tweet about a Sexy, black ,lady pirate at the Field Museum . . . that was me. I could also throw on some Jeans and pretend it’s 1994 and wear this to scope out men at the local library . . . um . . . yeah, that’s why I’m single. How would I look as a pirate?
Fourth Costume: I am 100%, Grade A, Authenticate American Slave stock. My family hasn’t never seent nan island and not nan none of dem negros can swim. We ain’t looked on Africa since we were involuntarily selected to take part in, lets call it, a work abroad program. We’ve never looked back and to honor my ancestral struggle I came to the conclusion I would dress up like . . . a Greek Goddess. My great-great-great grandparents toiled and suffered so that I could rock these great gams in public, meet a hot man and wrap them around his ne . . . sorry I’m here; what are we doing? Pirates? Oh, yeah Cher as a Goddess . . . yes?
Justin Timberlake and Snoop Dog. I’ve been listening to this song bought 5 times a day. Cuz I’m gonna pop to it whichever costume y’all pick
Lets talk costumes!!!!! What should I be? What are y’all gonna be?