White people are fun. No seriously… they are.

A friend of mine sent this in to me yesterday with the following hilarious rant attached that went as follows:

Slaus you need to check out this ol frackle-nackle f*ckery going on in this damn picture. It’s making me look at my goofy pale-balled husband and this baby on my lap and making me want to slap the shit out of him if our child inherits any of his whiteboy bullshyt. Look at this shyt, Slaus! These goofy-ass white boys are JUMPING OFF THE HOUSE!! OFF THE HOUSE!!! Where is their damn mother! Probably making bean salad or something with mayonnaise in it. I swear to God and Gobots that this man told me to make crust for bake chicken using cornflakes and mayonnaise, Slaus. Cornflakes and MAYONNAISE! If he wasn’t so damn pretty with those blue eyes, I would run him over in his sleep! Lack of melanin makes you crazy. Anyway, look at this stupid video and tell OHN about it.

First of all, you negroes are gonna back up off green been casserole, son!!! Green bean casserole is a gift from GOD! From Gawwwwwwd!! Especially when it has a whole bunch of the lil crunch friend onions shyts on it??? LIFE!!!!

Second……..f*ck everyone because this shyt right here looked like so much damn fun!!! Psssssh…. my azz would have done it. Might have caused seismic activity but…. i would have did it.  Looking like the personification of a bad decision.

I know you hooker are going to quit hating on the awesome shenanigans from our melanin challenged, pals.

Still…. shit looks awesome!


..cornflakes and mayo though???? Ugh bytch ugh.

When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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  1. DeeBeeR says

    My son does this ish. And yes, he's a mutant/mixie kid…….

    Be strong momma… and carry good insurance with a Health Savings Account…

  2. ChiDiva says

    Green bean Casserole,mayo,nutella,pimento cheese and a new one My Husband hurt my feelings with,Liver Noodles………

      • ChiDiva says

        Yes Ma'am,This man says his mother makes them every year.I told him to go for it,but he knows my azz don't eat innards.That crap looked just as bad as it sounds and he had my house smelling like unseasoned boiled neck bones and an upcoming divorce if he EVAH attempts to cook that kinda country boolshat again in my good pots.

        • ToodySaysHey says

          man..thats not a white folk thang..thats a country thang.

          My mom came up in rural NC.

          All I know is…one day I came home from school and ole girl had a pot of pigs ears boiling…

          I didnt ask any questions..I just went to my room and shut the door, lol

    • Chitown Sista says

      LOL I HATE mayo and i dont not keep it in my house and am constantly given the stink eye. I actually like Nutella and Almond butter. But erm Liver Noodles? I like liver if my mother prepares it. Otherwise….nooooooo thank you. The gent has never said nothin to me about that. In fact that is the first i've heard of it. *hork*

  3. justme81 says

    Where is their damn mother! Probably making bean salad or something with mayonnaise in it.

    H.O.L.L.E.R.I.N. 😀

    I'd do this leaf pile jump…judge me, I"m already judging myself.

    • says

      inorite?? I DIED right here——–> "I swear to God and Gobots"

      buuuuuut that DO look like a lot of FUN tho 😀

      its those base jumping folks that really freak me out 0.o

  4. double_dizze says

    Confession time…being a country boy from the Lone Star state, house jumping was an activity that I and the three boys next door participated in when we were in our early teens…except we jumped into a pile of sawdust. Because we were 10 foot tall, bulletproof geniuses. I may have twisted my ankle a time or three, but the oldest kid that was with us ended up getting an emergency appendectomy. Good times.

  5. Wildwhuck says

    There better not be one leaf left in my yard! Not out there fighting the good fight against leaves for you to dump an entire states worth on my yard. nope.

  6. Damelo Suave says

    I would probably do this.

    But the real question is, who's cleaning all that up? Cuz yyou're not bringing a passel of leaves in MY yard & leaving them there…nawl.

  7. says

    Man, I would beat the tar off my kid's asses for this dumb shyt!! I will not use up all yall good insurance on this type of bullshyt….have me sitting in the ER all damn night….OAN, dont make me a damn thang with no damn Mayo…Miracle Whip or I dont want it, son!

  8. Kat_Coll says

    It's Utah. They probably don't drink booze, caffeine, smoke or look at porn. What else are those fools going to do?

    I keep a jar of Wasabi mayo in the house because my mom eats it with her steamed artichokes. You want to tell a bitchy 85 (soon to be 86) year old not to have that stuff. Go right ahead. I'll be over here with popcorn waiting for the fireworks. *nods*

    • Omelette says

      Excuse me but, is that a real thing? Wasabi Mayo? Because I'm going to go and make some now. Isn't that like horseraddish sauce? Yum.

        • Omelette says

          I suppose it's like mayo with mustard. We don't have Trader Joe here in The Republic of London so I'll just have to make it myself. Thanks to you and your Mom for the inspiration!

    • ToodySaysHey says

      Phuck what you heard…mayo goes on *every burger*

      ketchup is optional, mustard is optional, but mayo is a requirement.

      All y'all who say you dont like mayo are eating some dry-azzed sammiches is all I know.

  9. Bubba Renaldo Garcia says

    i would love to do this, but my behind would fear some final destination shyt. like we put the pile over a deck post and i would be the one to hit it. or i'd jump over the pile trying to flip for the first time. but more importantly…i wouldn't want to clean all that crap up!

  10. Leftyzphone says

    Used to jump down our staircases, put 2 layers of pillows down to land 7 feet away and 7 feet down at age 5. Used to climb trees just to jump out of them. Used to go as high as possible on swings so I could leap out, somersault and land. Climbed tree to get on roof then jumped back to tree so that I could swing to ground. Climbed to roof and leapt off to clear concrete walkway and land in front yard. Did it again to prove to friends that I did it. And then I found porn and that was the end of jumping off stuff.

      • Leftyzphone says

        Look, us white boys are walking talking physics experiments just waiting to try anything 3 Stooges-esque whenever somebody says, "do you know what would be cool?". We try anything somebody dares or what we see on tv. Why do you think Jackass was so popular? Bunch of whiteboys drunk/stoned talking mess about crazy stuff to do and one guy was bright enough to bring a camera to prove it. Every white guy knows he done stuff just as stupid.

  11. SammySlaus says

    Man me and mayo get down for the cause, except for in stuff it doesn't belong…like dressing. I just posted that video of Hellman's talking about you can make your dressing moist…let me go over one of my melanin enriched people's house and someone tries to put mayo in the cornbread dressing. I'm shooting that mf kitchen up! Holiday over, do not pass go do not collect 200 Ebt cards.

    • Synistara says

      Thank you!!!! Anyways if your ma taught you how to make stuffing right in the first place, there is noooooooo effin way you step to it thinking "if it's good already, mayo will make it better"…. No no no!!!!!! You put mayo in your stuffing if it's nasty and your trying to cover it up :/ Like when ppl put cinnamon in spaghetti sauce, wtf

    • ToodySaysHey says


      Man….I was watching paula deen's cooking show once..that heiffer was making a casserole( another dish that the melanin challenged seem to enjoy…I dont know any black person whose momma made casserole).

      anyway, this heiffer was topping the ritz cracker crust of her casserole with butter( of course) cheddar cheese….and like 3 cups of mayo.




      I cant with people who use mayo in hot dishes, and not as a condiment.


      • ChiDiva says

        My ex-sil(melanin supplied) makes macaroni and cheese and she puts ritz crakers on top….She's also the same dirty little sock monkey that brought green been casserole to each and every family function…..I'm glad my brother left her azz

        • ToodySaysHey says

          Yeah..I cant roll with slaus on the green bean casserole.

          but why in all fuggs you wanna ruin mac and cheese with some dry azzed crackers???

  12. says

    I like mayo, but where mayo is supposed to be used, not in some made up off the wall shyt.

    I was watching this one ep of hoarders and the daughter was making some kind of pasta salad. It was basically noodles and mayo! She used half of the damn jar to mix that shyt up and they gobbled it down like it came from Leona's or something! HAAAARRRRFFF!

    And whoever made Nutella can keep that bullchyt. Tastes like powdered crap!

  13. SammySlaus says

    Nutella and strawberries go together like Ceephus and Reesy man, to hell with what yall say. Even though you couldn't bribe me to eat one of them Ferrer Rocher shits. Now that's straight pinky toe right there.

  14. letinstar says

    i like mayo…and nutella…

    i don't like jumping in leaves…just the thought gets my itchies going…bugs, varmints, doodie…it's all too much for me…

  15. ToodySaysHey says

    Oh, and Im mad at slaus for the green bean casserole comment.

    We cant eem be friends no mo'

  16. kajani914 says

    1) Green bean casserole is demon vomit. 2) When they said Utah, I knew this was gonna be some mess. 3) This is why MTV makes hilarious injury shows…because enough of yall keep them stocked in video. 4) Am I mean 'cause I was waiting for someone to miss the pile? Probably…

    • Lately25 says

      NOPE, I was waiting for a hidden rake to make an appearance… *insert evil laugh*

      And when I heard Utah I thought, 'Welp, looks like somebody's bachelor party before marrying wife 1-4'. Hehehehe

  17. Omelette says

    What is a green bean casserole? Mayo on hot food is an abomination. Peanut butter in sauces however…..

    • HappyStina says

      Oh sweety!! Two cans of green beans, one can of cream of golden mushroom soup, 1/2 cup of milk, 1 tsp soy sauce and one can of french fried onions. Mix it all together saving 1/3 of the onions. Bake at 350 for 30 mins. Add the rest of the onions on top and bake for another 5 mins. The best thing i have ever put in my mouth. No mayo required!!!

  18. Omelette says

    Actually. No. What I imagined was better than this. Who invented this? After which nuclear holocaust?
    It sounds like food one would eat after dashing round a store with a basket while being pursued by zombies and then trying to make the best of your "retail choices" ; Walking Dead cuisine.
    You're not teasing me are you?