The Men’s Roundtable: The Ex Factor

Like it or not, every relationship you’re in has an effect on you. From your first school crush deciding he liked sitting next to the cheerleaders at lunch instead of you to that one guy in college who did that trick with his hands, we learn a lot of the things we like (and too many of the things we don’t) through experience.

MV5BMjI1NzMzMzg5Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTA3MjIwNQ@@._V1._SX640_SY418_But more than that — our significant others become our partners while we’re together. Experiencing the triumphs and the defeats in our lives while we’re with them. That’s why we look for quality people to share our lives and our beds with, because it’s a tough world out there, and sometimes it’s nice to have someone who’s gonna be there by your side to help see you through the good times and the bad.

But when you’ve been through all those things with someone and then the relationship doesn’t work out — things can get messy.

It’s one thing to be there for someone when there’s a direct connection between you, but where does that line end? After all, when someone’s an “ex” — doesn’t that mean things should be all the way over?

phone-dateWhat’s the difference between being a stand up guy and not letting things go?

You’d think the math would be simple, but so often when your partners previous relationship involves shared property, or connections with family members, or even children the lines can start to get blurry.

But does that mean that people should just look the other way when situations arise?

Hey Guys, greetings from the not so summery Netherlands.

I need your opinion on this. I  ran it past some guys I know but I think they wanna smang me and are just agreeing with me just to increase their chances. But I know you’ll be honest with me, so here it is: 

I have been seeing this guy for short while now. We’re in the beginning stages of a relationship and everything was going fine and dandy until his ex showed up. One of her relatives died (my current knew that relative too), so he decided to go to the funeral with her for support and to pay his respects. Nothing wrong with that. No drama’s, everything cool.

A week later he told me his ex booked tickets behind his back for them to go to the Dutch Antilles because her grandmother his gravely ill and would not have long. She decided to not tell him until after she booked so he could not refuse. She wanted him to come along because she needed his support. He ran this by me and I told him that I could not make the decision for him, I will not forbid him to go because I’m not that kind of person and that he is a grown man and that I hope he will make the right decision.

I also said that if I had been in a break-up like theirs and if was really over him I would have never done what she had done to make him go. And in a situation like this the support of my family would probably have been enough. I asked him to think about what I said and to think about his ex’s intentions in this situation.

After all this he decided to go anyway.

I voiced my concerns and told him I was not happy about his decisions and that I was feeling very hurt and disrespected, and that I would have never even considered going had I been in his shoes, out of respect for him and our relationship. While he was over there with his ex my feelings for him have changed and I just don’t feel the same. I feel like I can’t trust him and that there’s something fishy going on. He says I’m over-reacting, nothing happened and I should get over it. What do you guys make of it? Am I overreacting?

– I deserve better

We put this question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all over the country weighed in with their opinions, and some even offered advice from similar experiences.

Here are some of the highlights:


Smell his dack when he gets home.






She’s not overreacting, he violated her trust in a big way, and if nothing else, the way he allowed himself to be manipulated by his ex says more about him than it says about her. He most DEFINITELY still has feelings for her.






 Be glad you found all this out now before something really does happen. He’s either easily manipulated, still stuck on her, or his ego is fragile & this blatant attempt to get back with him turns him on. At the very least he’s unable to stand up for himself when disrespected, because his ex dissed both of you. Wish them the best & chuck the deuces.




 Sorry to disagree but from where I sit the term limits on your newly minted relationship have not ended yet. You state you guys have only been together a short while. So unless y’all are living together or putting money in his pocket you are kind of out of lane.




 Out of lane how? I don’t see that she said or did anything wrong, so I’m curious as to why you see it as a violation?





 Whoa, flag on the play — he seriously violated the code on that one. A funeral is one thing, I guess I can see that. But going away on a trip with the ex? No wonder she feels different. Most people male or female probably would after something like that.





Homeboy is either a sucker or he’s trying to play her for one. Flat out. 

Pulling shit like this early in the relationship is a big-ass warning sign that there’s gonna be nothing but drama in the future. Because that ex damn sure ain’t going away any time soon. 

Throw the deuces, lady.



 You are not overreacting. He’s smashing. Move on.






 Yeah.. somethin fishy is goin on. I can kinda see if it was local, but travel is involved? Nah, get out now while you can still make a clean break.





 Is the author of this letter cute? If not, he’s smashing his ex.






Even if the letter writer is cute, he’s still smanging the ex, or will be eventually. I mean, maybe the funeral was one thing — I could see the ex being distraught and wanting someone there for comfort and strength – figuring that he’s the only one she could trust to help her through this troubling time, but then all that backdoor dealing with that second trip, and so close to the first time?

No way, something’s something’s rotten in the state of Denmark



It doesn’t even matter how fine she is. Sideslit is still sideslit. Think of it this way — If I get myself a Cadillac, I’m gonna love driving that bytch —  but it’s not like I am not gonna love driving the mustang for old time sake, just sayin.





Oh it’s like that? Here I was trying to make her have a solid reason to think about, but y’all straight up crushing her dreams.






 Why in all of Fugg-dom should he give a tin shyt in a top hat for some other bytch’s Big Momma? This is some ol’ passive/aggressive boolshyt right here, because he’s tryna make YOU out to be the azzhole if you object. Nope, this current fool can stay all the way up in some Antilles. Meanwhile, you can sort you out the next dude from amongst them as are agreeing with you, cuz free agency in a seller’s market is a WONDERFUL thang…




 Yeah, dude is trippin’. I won’t go so far as to say he’s banging his ex, but he still has feelings for her — or at least is open to take a trip down memory lane. And I’d say our letter writer handled the situation exactly as she should have by not forbidding that he go and just handing him a length of rope, with which he promptly used to hang himself.





 We’ve all seen the pornos — comforting a distraught, crying woman always end up with a penis in the pussy.






 Is the letter writer hot? Because the Netherlands is just a couple hours drive for me. If she’s fine, I might be available to provide post-break up counseling and support.

Shit, even if she ain’t all that fine, I could smash and then pick up a few grams of that good while I’m there.










 I’m. Just. Sayin.






Dear Letter-Writer,

When you break up with someone, that means shyt is BROKEN. Ain’t no “Oh, her uncle was cool with me and I gotta go blah-blah.” NONE of that. Broke up means No. Diplomatic. Relations. It means I broke up with you, ya parents, ya sisters, ya friends, ya co-workers, err’body that has ANYthing to do with you. This fool sounds like someone tryna quit smoking and still has ashtrays in all the rooms.


 If he can look you in the face and tell you that he HAS to go to whatever because some silly bytch already bought plane tickets (like refunds ain’t a thing apparently), then he can look you in the face and lie to you about fuggin’ another bytch. B’leee dat.





But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?

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NOTE: The Men’s Roundtable is intended to be a discussion of a topic, not a forum for personal attacks or backbiting. Please try to be respectful and open-minded in your comments. As such, this discussion will be monitored by the OHN editorial staff and shut down if things start to get out of hand. Comments that attempt to take this discussion to a overly personal or offensive realm will be subject to users being banned.


Hex is about as wrong as two left feet and there is nothing right about him. Every time we yell at Hex, his rebuttal is always that we are doing so simply because he is Black....yeah..think about that.



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