Post rewind: Best and worst date

So I was going through some old posts and ran across this one from 2012. I went through the comments because I vaguely remember someone posting their worst date and it involved crack. Here is the comment:

worst date
Worst.date.ever.

Back before I came out of the closet, I think I was about 20. I began having little conversations with one of the loan officers at my bank.

He was a handsome guy.. Older than me by 10 years but still, nice, respectable, intelligent. Anyway he asked me to go out with him on Valentines day and since I didn’t have any plans, I said yes.

Well, we decided that he would pick me up at the bank. he said he had something special planned and admittedly, I was pretty excited. The something special turned out to be dinner at his house. I was a bit thrown off but, it was nice that he was cooking dinner.. Riiight.

Well, we arrived at his place, candles were lit.. Wine was chilling.. The setting was really nice and cozy.

We had a really great conversation for about 20 mins when he stopped and said he needed to ask if I would be ok with something. I asked what? From under the couch cushion, he pulls out a crack pipe, and crack of course. He said he’d already started before he picked me up and just wanted to finish…..

I told him that I would just like to go home. He tried to talk me into staying by explaining why crack was ok.. I started crying. Like crying really hard. He then asked if he could pray for me..

I said.. Yeah as long as your going to drop me off afterwards. Well this fool placed his hand on my forehead and prayed to God that I get over my hangup about crack. I mean he started off with”Oh Lord” and everything.

I ended up grabbing my jacket and walking to pay phone to call a friend-to pick me up.

Yes, it’s a true story and up until now only my best friend knew about it.

Since we have some new members here tell us class your best and/or worst date, lets see if anyone can top this worst date story.

Go!

Bethlanai
Apparently it is Beth's Job to get on Slaus's nerves.

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  • Omelette!

    Well there was the time I forgot the safe word and they took that as encouragement to higher levels of insanity, when I really had forgotten.

  • Beffa

    this damn story is in my top 10 favorite comments EVER! When he started praying I was no more good

  • Chidiva

    I remember this!!lmao

  • JustSlaus

    WHY have I never read this!!! I need to start reading comments….

    • Beffa

      dude it was so hard not to laugh when this comment first posted. I was weak for days after this comment!

      I’m so glad we (the staff) can still see the comments in the dashboard

  • http://www.twitter.com/wittitsorstfu hitronup

    O___o @ first date crack pipe

    • Leo the Yardie Chick

      JESUS Blessed First Date Crack Pipe at that. -_-

  • The Lurkasaurus Rex

    Worst Date Story – I don’t actually have any bad date stories, because as long as I could buy liquor back in the day, every day at least broke even (drunk = yes, laid = no, .500 batting average for the day).

    HOWEVER
    I know a couple of dudes from when I was in the Army. Since I ran outta fuggs to give and there cain’t be a statute on limitations on shyt like this (and good luck findin’ my azz in Korea), I’m namin’ BOTH of these bytches: Private Fishbach and Private Clark (a/k/a The Clark-O-Matic).
    WELLP
    Fishbach brought his girlfriend up to post for a weekend of fornication. Tha Clark-O-Matic suggested a drinkin’ game. We did some shots over some ol’ boolshyt, then I went to the NCO Club to get up on someone’s wife while her husband was in the woods playin’ soldier (judge me if ya wanna, but I did what I did before love came to town).
    ANYWAY
    I broke even (see above), so I stagger back to the motel to see wassup with my peoples.
    I walk in, and I see Fishbach passed out on the floor…and Tha Clark-O-Matic RAILING Fishbach’s woman like a Porn. Star.
    You’da thought all the gat dam noise woulda woke Fishbach’s drunk-azz up, but NOPE. It was me going “BWAAA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAA-HAAAA!”
    Tha Clark-O-Matic looks over his shoulder, flashes me a thumb’s up, slaps this bytch on the azz and yells “AND THIS ONE IS FOR THA SKYWALKER!”
    At which point Fishbach wakes up…to Tha Clark-O-Matic layin’ pipe like British Petroleum and me with a bottle of Erk N Jerk in my hand howlin’ like a fuggin’ hyena.
    (Forgive me for being fuzzy over this next part, but I’m damb sure it went something like this:)
    Fishbach – (drunk and slurry) BYTCH! What that fugg are you DOING?
    Bytch – Tryna cum for the third time, ya limp d!ck bastard!
    Clark-O-Matic: STICK A FINGER IN MY AZZ OR SHUT THE FUGG UP, JUNIOR!
    Me – (in the parking lot, trying not to have a heart attack from laughing)
    Fishbach – Oh…(passes back out)

    Coldest shyt I ever saw.

    • Divalalake

      I keep trying to put words to how I feel about this, and I’ve got NOTHING

    • Beffa

      Bytch – Tryna cum for the third time, ya limp d!ck bastard!

      well damn!

    • LadyCant

      I laughed SO UGLY at this!!!!

  • Dr. Fabulous

    To summarize my Worst Date: there was crying (him, not me), peeing (him, not me) and a physical altercation with a friend (again him, not me). It was a first date. And last.

    • Yaya

      crying & peeing?!?! you got some splaining to do Lucy.

    • Beffa

      we need details!

      • Dr. Fabulous

        A friend hooked me up with his old friend from back home. The three of us went to a bowling alley/bar/club. The dude started drinking off top. The whole time he kept saying that me and our mutual friend seem like we had something going on, but he really wants to get to know me better. After more liquor and more accusations (lost count at 22 comments about me and our friend), I was rets ta go! As we’re walking to the car I notice he’s lagging behind and is now on the phone. Then I heard him start crying. Looked around and he’s full on ugly crying on the phone with BM! He finally ended the call and got in the backseat. He proceeded to weep quietly for the whole 15 minute drive. We got to our mutual friends house and he decides he wants to talk more. We’re on opposite sides of the car and I notice that while we’re talking he’s facing the other direction and looking back at me. That’s when I realized he had whipped it out and started pissing, mid-conversation. After he shook it off and put it away, he asked if I was coming upstairs with him so he could show me what he’s working with. In my mind I’m like what part of this night went well enough for you to think there’s a shot. Our friend comes back down to talk to me and that’s when dude’s accusations turned into his desire to fight. He got knocked out in the parking lot at 2a.m. Needless to say there was no Love Connection.

        • Beffa

          is it OK that I laughed hard at this story?

          • Dr. Fabulous

            Absolutely! In hindsight it’s hilarious to me.

        • Yaya

          i wouldve punched him in the dyck

        • LadyCant

          How in the sweet FVCK is he going to get pissed (pun not intended) at the possibility that you and your friend were banging when he only just met you?! Stunted, pissy self-esteem having fool….LOL

  • Jonesey

    I don’t think it is possible to top that.

    Worst I got is creepy azz blind date loser dude trying to sneak-plant a kiss by telling me there’s a “pink elephant over there”.

  • Yaya

    It wasn’t on the actual date, but dude cried on my answering machine when I wasn’t calling him back.

    • Omelette!

      Did you use it as your ring-tone?

      • Yaya

        remixed and added some reggaeton.

  • DameloSuave

    I can’t top that awful date up there, and I hope I never will…dang Mama.

  • Candace

    My worst date was the time I ended up having to pay for said date while being driven around in a stolen vehicle! I was in Vegas one weekend for work and had bumped into an old flame. He’d invited me, my friend and her boyfriend out on a double date and we all agreed. Since the three of us weren’t local, he agreed to pick us up at our hotel and take us sightseeing and then to dinner. Everything was going well until we were heading back from the Hoover Dam and stopped to get gas. My friend and her boyfriend got out of the car and went inside the store to grab snacks and my date confided in me that he had “suddenly come into a cash flow problem” before he picked us up and could he borrow some money till we got back to town. Sirens immediately went off in my head and I was reluctant to even go to dinner with him after that. But being that it was my friend and her boyfriends first visit to Vegas, I didn’t want to spoil their night and in the past when the old flame and I were dating, he spared no expense when it came to me. Not wanting to seem like a jerk, I went ahead and paid for gas. After a failed attempt at the ATM near the restaurant, he asked if he could borrow $$ for dinner..Fine (just as long as he understood he was obligated to service me back at my hotel room). This fool decided not only to order things like lobster and calamari, but he damn near ordered everything on the menu…Including everything on the drinks menu. Needless to say I was in no mood to invite him up to my hotel room after I got the $300 bill for our meal.

    On our way back to the hotel we were stopped by the police. Two cops come up on both sides of the car, with GUNS DRAWN, telling us to put our hands up! Now what you see on cops, is exactly what happened to us. We found out that my old flame had been renting a car while he was living in Vegas and he never returned it! Enterprise had reported it STOLEN! After sitting on the sidewalk on the strip, in handcuffs, humiliated beyond belief, my old flame explained to the police that we had no knowledge and they let me, my friend, and her boyfriend go. THEN the old flame asked me to follow in a cab so I could bail him out of jail. I respectfully declined and walked away…Worst date EVER!!

    • Tia

      LMFAO! That story is heeelarious EVERY TIME I hear it!

    • Beffa

      this fool had the nerve to ask you to bail him out after all of that?

      • Leo the Yardie Chick

        IKR? The balls on that one!

      • Candace

        YES LOL! And posted on facebook how I “did him dirty” by not helping him out.

    • http://www.twitter.com/wittitsorstfu hitronup

      Woooooooooooooooow.

    • LadyCant

      That really is the kind if shit you CANNOT make up!!!

  • mztashat

    I think the worst date I ever had was with these guys my friend and I met at a club. First red flag was this dudes name was Napoleon…not that i have any thing against his name but i cant take a extra black azz dude serious with a name like Napoleon…anyway we hammed it up in the club. they were hovering and just wouldnt leave. so when me and my friend goes to leave we told them we were going to another bar…low and behold they came to this bar…fastforward to closing time….the guy talking to my friend was so deparate to separate us…so fine she got in his car. i got in my car. so Napoleon wanted to go back to his place…ok sure ill entertain this foolishness…get to his house and the sh*t was like an episode of hoarders. I mean there was stuff literally everywhere. his excuse was that his father died a year ago and they hadnt gotten around to going thru all his stuff…so we finally make it to his room. the first thing he does is turn the tv on. it comes on says on for about 5 minutes then shut off…it did this about 4 more times. then…then the electric went out. he turns it back on….goes off again when he turns on this portable heater..they didnt have any heat…this happens about 3 more times.. finally he yells, “ma what the hell going on with the electric”. she say, “I dont know, what the hell you out there doing”…he proceeds to say, “ma you embarassing me I got company and aint shit gone happen if the lights keep going out”….im sitting in this room dying,,,,dying at him arguing with his momma. im texting my friend like this is amazing lol. so he finally get the tv working and he just kept playing the Kelly Rowland Motivation son…i sat there…he then preceeds to show me is dead dads art, his encyclopedia collection and then these random husler and playboy mags…i was done after that. i told him i had to use the rest room. since there was a treadmill blocknig the one upstairs i said id use the one downstairs….i ran out the house and drove off.

    • Yaya

      ” I cant take a extra black azz dude serious with a name like Napoleon”
      http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IkVBikJlh1Y/T6QHyfIj0UI/AAAAAAAABGM/Tzl-EVRQ-ag/s1600/pointing-and-laughing.gif

    • DameloSuave

      I can’t believe you went back to dude’s house…come up missing like that

      • mztashat

        unfortuanately i was too stupid to think straight…esp now that i sit back and think about how messed up that house was. and they had a dog in the miss of that horror story.

    • Dr. Fabulous

      How were you not seduced by that encyclopedia collection? Nothin like some sexy ass reference materials!

  • DameloSuave

    So…what should we take out of the fact that no dudes have posted stories? lol

  • msjess

    I don’t have any stories, but all y’all stories have me LMAO! Thanks everyone, I needed that laugh today.

  • RedladyRae

    Luckily, there is no worst date story for me. Just one good date story. I’ve never really done dates.

    The best date I’ve been on was with the man I now call my husband. After he told me the night we met he was going to take me out to dinner, I was nervous. I had always had a crush on him, but was always with someone, and he was just a customer at my store. Now we were going to be band mates. I didn’t want to believe it was a date. Just his way of saying welcome to the band.
    So, the night comes, and he drives me to Annapolis. That was a two hour drive from Pax River. We talked a lot, and got to know each other a little better. We discovered we both loved music, and went through his iPod, discovering who he was through his music. He planned to take me to dinner, then to the Naval Academy to walk around. He was in the Navy. He made reservations at a restaurant called Tidewater. It was expensive! Dinner ran a little late, so we just went home. He dropped me off at my car, And we’ve been together ever since. We loved each other through his deployment and adjustment period afterward.

  • ohthatguy

    I had a good first date with a girl, but the second went poorly.

    First time involved dinner, a lot of difficult conversation (language barrier, but we had fun with pictures, pantomime, and mangling each other’s languages), strolling around town laughing, then heading to a club.

    Second time started off the same, until her boyfriend and his friends showed up. She said she planned on telling me about him, but it was an uncomfortable subject.

    To keep it brief, I’m fortunate i heal quickly, there were no scars, and she and I didn’t stay in touch

  • secret squirrel

    guest test

I dunno what i'm putting here yet. It'll be something ignorant though.
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