Confess as a Guest – What’s eating at you right now….

secretLast night I had someone confess something to me that apparently was really really eating them up inside and they wanted to let it out to someone whom they knew they could trust to never tell. OR they told me because they thought that regardless of what they had done, Good ol Slaus has probably done worse.

Thanks, bytches. Acting like I’m Slausuhlzhebulb around. Like i’m the person with the darkest past in some of your lives.

..even though you are probably right.

 

Anyway, I once let people rant on my facebook page once last year and locked down all my settings so no one on their friendslist that wasn’t my friend could see what they were saying and so many people sent me thank-you’s for letting them get some things out.

So we’re going to do the same thing here.

I have opened it up so you can all Confess as a Guest without having to use your Login.

First thing you’ll need to do is make sure you are LOGGED OUT of disqus.

logout

 

Then refresh your browser and write your comment. Pick any name you want and use a fake email address. Make sure you select ” I’d rather post as a guest”

guest_commenting

 

And there you have it..

 

So.. what do you have going on that you really want to get off of your chest? Problems at work? Problems with family? Spouse?

Let it allll out…

 

Slaus
When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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Comments

comments

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  • I admit it

    For 6 years I have taken a coworker out for a nice lunch. After we are done she gives me the best blowjobs i’ve had in my life and she swallows it all. I’ve been married for 15 years. I expense the lunches back to the company.

    • Beffa

      your co-worker is giving blow jobs for an extra cheddar bay biscuit?

      • Yaya

        Tell me she gets to at least order an appetizer and a real drink, not water.

        • Beffa

          maybe she gets to supersize her meal

      • biscuitho

        Cheddar bay biscuits are becoming extinct so it might be worth it.

        • JustSlaus

          ….i am so mad at your gatdamn moniker though……. Biscuitho…. GTFO! But then come back and let us be the best of friends.

    • JustSlaus

      I am SO mad at folks liking this lmao.

      Mufuggas getting all types of ideas like: hmmmmmmmm

      • TracyTrips

        I NEED TO KNOW the type of women that just crave to swallow semen for no reason at all. I DON’T GET IT. No sex…no mutual organisms goin on but just a straight blowjob and swallowing. HOW IS THAT A GOOD TIME for a woman???

        • Troy Frazier

          I’ve known plenty of women who just loved to suck dick. And you can tell! A woman who loves to suck dick does it with GUSTO! She’ll be like, “Nah, don’t stop me! I’m ’bout to make SPARKS shoot out this dick!”

          *sigh*

          Why do those always have to be the crazy ones?

          • JustSlaus

            every….time. Those are always the broads who have you looking out for them with a flashlight in the daytime just to protect yourself

          • JustSlaus

            but I do agree…. there are PLENTY of women out there who offer to let you put your penis on their palette. Just because.

            I ain’t saying… i’m just saying.

            I know if MY fat azz has turned down MANY offers, I can only imagine what sexy flexy mufuggas have to go through

          • TracyTrips

            BECAUSE ONLY THE GODDAMN CRAZY ONES DREAM ABOUT SUCKIN DICK!!!!!!!!!!!

            That is not NORMAL!!!

            • JustSlaus
            • Troy Frazier

              You know, some people simply really get off on that. For some, the mouth is an erogenous zone. I, for one, really get off on kissing and eating pussy. I can do both for hours and think nothing of it. I just love the way it feels. I don’t think it’s that out of the ordinary. You just haven’t been suckin’ enough dicks. I suggest you do so, posthaste.

              • Beffa

                you was sounding all smart and junk and then you had to ruin it with the last 2 sentences

                get out Troy!

                • Lately25

                  But didn’t he just find the nicest way to tell somebody to go suck a dick… I’m gonna have to use this!

                  “You just haven’t been suckin’ enough dicks, I suggest you do so posthaste”….

                  Can we put this on an OHN t-shirt??? LMAO

                  • Troy Frazier

                    Stop. I was not telling her to ‘go suck a dick.’ I mean, I WAS telling her to go suck a dick, but not in a disrespectful way. In a helpful way. Like a Dr. Ruth way. “My professional opinion is you should go suck a dick.”

                    • Lately25

                      I know how YOU meant it, but I love how the evil monkey that lives in my closet turned that aaaall around for me to use, and now I need it on a t-shirt!

        • Heather_A

          I only like it if I get some conversation going… Talk back to me. Talk dirty to me. Tell me about your day. Moan, tell me what to do, tell me what not to do, do SOMETHING. I don’t suck silent D. Go somewhere with that.

          ~Quinn

          • Troy Frazier

            Shit, I’ll read you War & Peace. I’ll even do voices for all the characters. Whassup wit’ it?

    • A.P.

      Wow. Judging.

      • Beffa

        I’m judging both harshly

    • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

      I hope your wife jumps out the window and sucks 3 dicks and then sneaks back into bed before she kisses you good morning at least twice a week.

  • TheonGreyjoy

    I’m a happily married and have had an on again off again dom/sub relationship for the past 10 years with my ex and I hate myself for not being able to let it go. I love my spouse but they just can’t fulfill this need. Not their cup of tea.

    • JustSlaus

      daaaaamn.

    • Beffa

      why didn’t you just marry the ex? I’m confused

      • JustSlaus

        some folks are just a great lay. but you don’t wanna like BE with them. Don’t act like you never knew anyone who was just dick on demand!

        You bet not have though.

        • Beffa

          *adjusts halo*

          I’m innocent

      • Theon

        We learned a long time ago that there is nothing else we have in common. We barely tolerate each other outside of this. Ut’s not a regular occurance, we’ve gone years where we barely talk, then one day, one of us will contact the other.

        • TracyTrips

          I get it. I’ve never cheated on my husband but I can remember past relationships where we had both moved on but would run into eachother from time to time and things just needed to get done.

          • Lately25

            I feel so normal now….. LOL

            *screaming to the rooftops*

            It’s not just ME!!!!

    • A.P.

      …….

    • A.P.

      I’m lost on the ‘happily’ part here.. wouldn’t it be happily if the wife knew about it and was okay with it? Or are we just happy in deception here?

      • JustSlaus

        shiiiit.. who ever got away with a crime and wasn’t HAPPILY.

        Mufuggaz singing merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream

        • ThatDamnPaul

          This exactly. Of course they are happily, got ther cake and get to whip it/get whipped by it too.

  • guest

    I went though my boyfriend’s phone and saw all these nasty texts and sexting pictures from this white girl. I even saw where they were planning to meet to fuck. So I had sex with someone else and afterwards smiled as I kissed my boyfriend with another man’s cum on my lips. Then i found out that wasn’t his phone. He and his friend at the gym grabbed the wrong phone.

    I feel so ashamed.

    • Beffa

      you nasty!

    • Yaya
    • Omelette!

      I’m mute in admiration.

    • DameloSuave

      As opposed to…confronting said boyfriend on his deception first? I mean, but you were going through his phone, so either you didn’t trust him or were looking for a reason to cheat…

      • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

        They. Were. Not. Exclusive. It’s not cheating.

        • YallNasty

          If they weren’t exclusive, then what’s the big deal about her bf getting some white woo-woo patch? I’m not getting the same interpretation from her story…

          • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

            Oh wait, I confused this with another post about a girl doing the same thing. My bad. It looks like they were exclusive, which is why she was so pissed. I don’t blame her. If I wasn’t so repulsed by dick snot I’d probably do the same thing.

    • Janet Jacme

      I’ve done this. Me and the Mr. were not necessarily exclusive – he had another chick and I was still my DOD (dick on demand). Anyways, the Mr. tried to play me real close on some wanna be pimp shyt so when I got home from visiting DOD (knowing I had slobbed and swallowed), I kissed the Mr. full on the mouth while on the phone with one of my girls who still daps me to this day for that shyt.

      • Yaya

        get out for the guest name alone! you aint slick.

      • TracyTrips

        I can’t even touch that shit let alone swallow it. let alone tongue up my man with remnants in my mouth

        ::vomit::

        ::high fives tho::

    • Micchi Dawn

      Oh lawd that’s nasty

  • guest2

    I’m full blown, no doubt about it addicted to porn. Erotic stories, films, pics, you name it. I bring my ipad to work so I can surf porn all day.

    • Beffa

      they have support groups to help with that ya know

    • Yaya

      there’s shampoo for that.

    • A.P.

      Get help.

    • TracyTrips

      Have you ever been caught by co workers? I’d die.

    • Baegatha Christie

      Do you watch it in the baffrum at work?

    • Unckle_Ruckus

      I wonder if you ever perused my fiction?

    • Lately25

      Meh… I can’t judge you, I like RedTube my damn self!

      • JustSlaus

        don’t let me get a free subscription for suicidegirls….. won’t get a damn thing done. /r/tittydrop on reddit is consuming enough

  • iamtmonie

    I’m not even ready for this.

    • ThatDamnPaul

      You aren’t the only one.

      • JustSlaus

        I thought I was ready…

        • iamtmonie

          Shouldn’t we keep our judgement to ourselves?

          • JustSlaus

            :: ne ne leakes face:: baby….

            • iamtmonie

              Lol! I’m just sayin…

          • JustSlaus

            folks don’t want to be judged, this is NOT the place for them. Coming to OHN talking about: don’t judge me, is like jumping in the water and mad because you got wet.

    • DameloSuave

      Who you telling? I’m up in here reading these like…

      http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_meq0uwt1xV1rt54og.gif

      • iamtmonie

        Meee toooooooooo

      • rmc_futurephd

        Me too

    • Yaya
      • TracyTrips

        ::high five::

      • NO ONE

        WOW

  • Facts-N-Examples

    How anon could this be if you can track IP addresses of commentors? Hrmmm… :goes back to lurk mode:

    • Beffa

      you really think we give 2 shits about folks confessions to go through all of that?

      unless someone is stupid enough to confess a murder, a rape or something like that…we ain’t even pressed…

    • ohellnawl

      Please… only one who has access to that is me and I’m not tryna ip match y’all all day.

      unless the cops tell me I have to.

      • Naive

        Wait, cops are reading this! I wonder if they’re blushing like me.

  • Les

    Umm…wow… yeah.
    This will get me through my sick day.
    *munches popcorn*

    • Chidiva

      Scoot over and lemme get some of that popcorn

      • Les

        *hands you a separate bucket*
        I have a bad cold, here’s your own.

        • Omelette!

          {pulls popcorn machine off hinges and sits down next to you both}

          • TracyTrips

            ::touches self::

            Lemme in on that popcorn

            • iamtmonie

              Wash yo damn hands!

            • Omelette!

              {walks Tracy over to the hotdog concession}

              • TracyTrips

                ::shakes your hand with diddled fingers::

                • Omelette!

                  seasons popcorn with diddle… shows no fear.

            • Les

              We all gonna be sick. Me hacking, Tracy touching herself.
              We’re gonna need to be quarantined.

              • TracyTrips

                That should totally be a tv series. Starring us.

            • Unckle_Ruckus

              Need Butta?

              • TracyTrips

                see…..

  • itouchmyselfatwork

    I touch myself @ work.

    • Chidiva

      It’s all good unless you work in the food industry………..

      • JustSlaus

        Get out, Chi lol.

        but for real… keep ya lil dick/clit riddled fingers away from the common areas

        • Chidiva

          • JustSlaus

            ….i kinda lovededed you for this

          • Sugafreetoolazytosignin

            *CRIES*

    • Yaya

      It’s all good until your office smells like bologna

    • A.P.

      As long as you have a door that closes….

      • LadyCant

        An open office might be the point….

    • DameloSuave

      I’m sure a few people do…in the bathroom; now if you’re talmbout at your desk, in front of everyone, well…that’s a problem

  • JustSlaus

    Someone at a party in cali got a friend of ours really high on extasy and tried to rape her. We heard her screaming No and we kicked down the door, saw him raping her whilst she tried to push him off and yell No.

    choked dude till he passed out.

    I wanted to leave him for dead. But my homey felt guilty and called 911 to get the guy some help.

    I honestly didn’t care if he lived or died.

    • DameloSuave

      Were you supposed to log out or has the statute expired on this one? lol

      • JustSlaus

        Lmao. nope..just being honest

      • Beffa

        he confessed to saving a girl from being raped…that’s a crime?

        • JustSlaus

          Yeah .. it is actually.

        • DameloSuave

          Saving the girl? Nah. Almost killing dude? Possibly…not that I’d blame him, yet the law might disagree…

    • A.P.

      This is why you’re my friend.

    • LadyCant

      There’s no room for guilt! Eff a guilt!

  • RedWedding

    Once a month my husband and I drink my menstrual blood for it’s sacred healing properties. http://goddessofsacredsex.com/2013/03/17/the-sacred-power-of-menstrual-blood/

    • JustSlaus
    • Beffa

      you win!

    • Yaya

      and what healing properties are those?!! You better be healing lepers and bringing back Lazarus, Meshack, Shadrack, & Abendigo from the dead….

      • Beffa

        shit that stuff better solve world hunger….wait

        • LadyCant

          SEE……..

      • TracyTrips

        I’d still let them fuckers die before I’d drink some roast beef blood.

        • JustSlaus

          i mean i’d set the world on fire mySELF before I drank that shyt. shyt i don’t even TALK to folks when I know their plumbing is on backwash, let ALONE……

          • TracyTrips

            COPY.PASTE.DELETE BECAUSE THAT IS TRUTH

          • TracyTrips

            I have no idea what that means it just entered my fingers.

    • A.P.

      *side eye* are you foreal?

      • Beffa

        I refuse to click the link the person added to the comment. I do not want to know

    • Omelette!

      With Vodka, celery salt and tabasco?

      • Beffa

        out!!!!

        • Omelette!

          …and a little tampon umbrella.

    • DameloSuave
    • Jesus wept

      Jesus be a fence!

      • Les

        Jesus be a fence, a tampon, a pad, and a no means mf’ing NO!

    • TracyTrips

      ::blank stare::

    • LadyCant

      I was gonna ask if y’all moonlighted as serial killers but that would be rude as hell….

      • JustSlaus

        baby..babygirl…..gtfo.

        • LadyCant

          Don’t be salty because I said what you were thinking!

    • WanderBoi

      WFS??? You white? Please be white…you betta be white! DAMN!!!

      • JustSlaus

        LMAO thassracisst!! (probably true though)

  • Schadenfreude

    Had a client who was a nightmare, I’d worked like a dog for, even though she was vile. She became very successful but such a horrible human being. One day she sacked me for no reason, and I just sent the wish out into the universe, that she’d just fucking drop dead. A couple of weeks later, out of nowhere, she actually did! I laughed then and I still laugh! I think she’d laugh too if she knew, really.

  • TracyTrips

    ::combing through memories…not sure where to start::

    • A.P.

      *takes a seat*

      • TracyTrips

        ::flips rolodex::

        The acid trip where I got my partners mixed up?
        The drug hazed night where I ended up humping all over a strip club after hours? ( Never ever was a stripper )
        The time I ran over my buddy’s foot drunk then blamed it on a deer? ( AND SHE STILL THINKS THAT )
        that time I spiked a dickhead’s drink that was 6 years sober but was still an asshole and he fell off the wagon?
        the time i got in a fight and threw a girl into a fence and broke it…then lied to the police and they believed me and she had to pay the 2 grand to fix it?
        the numerous male chauvinistic assholes in the oilfields that I overcharge the FUCK out of and call it an ‘asshole tax’ in my books?

        Shit…..

        • DameloSuave

          Yeah…I’m not light-skinteded enough to hang out with Tracy & stay outta jail

        • cake_and_pies

          You’re so gangsta, you didn’t even log out for this.

        • Jonesey

          I think I love you.

        • LadyCant

          *starts a “MUST VISIT TRACY” fund*

          • TracyTrips

            HOLLA

        • Unckle_Ruckus

          Um, I renege that earlier offer for butter. Seriously. Please don’t hurt me.

    • Omelette!

      Puts up Hammock, mixes jug of Martini’s, slips into something comfortable…

  • A.P.

    I told a man to his face once that his member was the “Smallest thing I’ve ever seen” and walked away with my life. Does that count? Not on this level? Oh okay. ===>

    • rmc_futurephd

      LMAO…

    • JustSlaus

      I remember you telling me that ish LOL I was like: only ambz could walk away from that and live. explosions all in the background

      • A.P.

        This is how I know I was meant to do something spectacular. So many times I should have died.

    • TracyTrips

      LOL I don’t really have any deep dark confessions….My dumbass airs everything out because usually comedic value to me trumps humilation.

  • Guest

    I’m sleeping with another girls boyfriend. I don’t know the girl, and she doesn’t know me. But he and I have an amazing D/s relationship. And… I didn’t vote for Obama in either election.

    • JustSlaus

      get out.

  • MILFdoesAbodyGood

    Ok I wanna play…my husband drives me absolutely bonkers with his pep talks. I honestly want to stab him in his throat sometimes. Just write the shit down or send me a text. I don’t need that shit on a daily basis.

    • TracyTrips

      OMG I don’t get pep talks but if it’s quiet for too long my husband will holler about something I forgot to do. I’m like….do you just fucking sit over there and think of shit that you can bitch about?

      Or I could be responsible BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT.

  • Ms. Missy

    Last month for my 40th birthday my husband took me to a Mandingo party and paid two very large black men to have sex with me. Not only was the sex wonderful and rough but I also had them call me as many derogatory names based on being white as they could think of. This only made me orgasm that much harder. I was sexed in every orifice to the brink and had so many orgasms that I passed out and had to be resuscitated. I always fantasize about being taken by large angry black men.

    I am a liberal and President of my local National Federation of Democratic Women.

    • A.P.

      Nope, you need more people. LOL

      • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

        Yeah….
        There’s no end to the issues you have if you enjoy having sexual access to people because of your money. These men are whores, but they don’t pretend to not be whores. They don’t show up to the party trying to make people think they’re going to do anything but ho shit. You’re walking around trying to uphold this facade of enlightenment but you still dehumanize black men by wanting them to be your mandingos?

    • JustSlaus

      ……this heffa got konged till she had to be brought BACK into consciousness though?
      http://i.imgur.com/FDJO62k.gif

    • DameloSuave

      This fulfilled fantasy is the least surprising – well, except the being smanged into submission part lol. Hey, Slaus, maybe your boy was one of the kongers!

      • JustSlaus

        lol I know right…

    • TracyTrips

      holy cow!!!

  • vendictive

    the day after my divorce is final – I’m gonna mail copies of photos, text, im convos, etc… to all 20 of my ex-wife’s lovers – spouses…

    • Beffa

      well damn

  • TracyTrips

    OK OK I got one that really bugs me. OK. I’m always yellin at my kids for losin shit. ALWAYS. Most of the time the little fools ARE. Well…ok. So about a month ago there was the neverending fight and search for iPod chargers. We have a shitload of the old ones but there was only 2 of the new lightin ones. Husband and daughter use them. So Husband needs his for his iPad. Cord CANNOT be found. I start hollerin at daughter because she’s usually the one that loses it. I’m screamin at her and the husband is screamin at her and they go outside for something and i NOTICE IT over by my embroidery machine because I had watched the husband’s iPad the night before because I done drained mine watchin documentaries! So I’m like OH SHIT! So I grab it and run into daughter’s room and squat beside the bed and the wall and they walk in and i’m like

    A HA!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS YOU!!!!!

    Husband grounded her for like 3 days from all electronics. I must admit to a tinge of guilt. But then she pissed me off like a day later and I was like

    WELP

    • Beffa

      dammit Tracy

    • Les

      THIS ONE!!! LMAO!!

    • iamtmonie

      You turrible.

    • LadyCant

      *weeping* Tracy makes me so happy I can’t even DEAL with the amount of love I have for this woman……

      • TracyTrips

        LOLOLOL

        I know I ain’t the only one guilty of this shit! We need a parent confession thread!

    • DB Ruberto

      I realize this is late, but you do know your daughter is going to choose your nursing home…..

  • Les

    Dang… I need more popcorn.

  • JustSlaus

    I learned how to have a great marriage by looking at my parent’s marriage……..and doing the EXACT opposite.

  • Baegatha Christie

    When I was in like 5th grade, this guy used to tease me about my skin all the time. One day, my cousin and I went to his apartment door and stole his welcome mat and threw it in the incinerator (bish, shut up. I was 9). He got yelled at for it. Then when they got another one, we threw that one in the incinerator. We kept at it for like a week. Finally, his dad beat the shit outta him for it…as we listened through the door.

    21 years and counting that he doesn’t know…lol

    • TracyTrips

      OOOOO You need to tell him! And videotape it. Then upload it here.

    • A.P.

      For being 9 that’s some G’d up ish.

    • LadyCant

      *daps* I’d be cackling about that when I’m 80.

  • Merked

    I put white cayenne pepper in the draws of my ex when I found out he was cheating on me. He though the side chick can him an STI.

    My Father doesn’t know that I know that I’m not his kid. Parents hid this from me because my real father actually raped and killed a girl. They got married before I was born, then he abandoned us 5 years into the marriage.
    He then started another family and surprise, the little girl born into that marriage wasn’t his kid either. He doesn’t know that I know that too.

    • A.P.

      damn, B.

    • TracyTrips

      Dang.

    • LadyCant

      OH.

  • Lala

    I’ve kept myself out of relationships for the past couple of years due to my ridiculous sex drive which tended to jack everything else up. I want to be in one but I already know that everything will just boil down to a hole(s) I can stick my junk into like all my past girlfriends until I can overcome this shortfall of mine. Which I am making some progress on doing.

    • JustSlaus

      Good luck on your journey, yo.

  • AlmostForgot2Logout

    Went to a funeral this weekend. I had summer sexcapades with the deceased’s son 7 years ago. I couldn’t focus during the service for thinking about getting dicked down by the grieving son. It was at a Pentecostal church. Pretty sure I’ll be on the Megabus to hell.

    • A.P.

      I’m going to go with YES. lol

    • Yaya

      wearing a napalm thong

    • DameloSuave

      Well, at least you didn’t resume smangation w/said son after the funeral, right?

      ….right?

    • TracyTrips

      NO…she should be happy that her son had them skillz, yo.

      and LMAO at your name

  • AboutToBounce

    I’m seriously contemplating divorce. I don’t recognize the woman I married anymore. I look at her face and I see the remnants of the beautiful, energetic and vivacious woman I married. Sometime over the years she has given up. All she wants to do is lay on her ass and read. When I ask her to help out with our kids or around the house she half-asses everything. Even our daughters have noticed and stopped asking her for anything. I try and ask her about what she wants to no avail. We haven’t had sex in 6 months due to the fact that I can’t stand her appearance.

    • Beffa

      this needs to be a Dear OHN letter…

    • A.P.

      Maybe she’s depressed. Ya’ll need to go to counseling first.

    • iamtmonie

      She sounds like she’s suffering from depression. She may not even realize it. Get her some counseling. Both of you.

    • Yaya

      if this was a dude we were talkin about he’d be lazy, so LAZY.

    • JustSlaus

      hey there, Ohnawlian. It sounds to me like she is suffering from severe depression, man. My advice would be to get her some counseling, some medication, meditation etc.

      Depression is a horrible affliction for everyone involved, but especially the person suffering from it. I should know, I suffered from a deep dark depression some years ago and then again after I lost a parent and then a bit more when i lost the other parent not 3 years later. You KNOW you need to get up and you know you need to try to get better and do things to make you feel better but you literally are crippled from the depression in every since of the word. I can remember waking up some days and feeling horribly sad that I DID wake up at all.

      Only reason I got better was because of the love and support of my family, friends, ( a few drugs…dr and street shyt) to help me make positive changes.

      TRUST that she isn’t doing this because she WANTS to. She is doing it because doing ANYTHING else is too painful..even with so much at stake to lose.

      IF you love her as your wife, as the mother of your children, before you bounce, please try and get her some help..professional help from someone with DR in the front of their name and PHD somewhere after

      • omegawon

        damn….how do you get help for that shit?

  • Omelette!

    I have to say, I’m a little shocked.

  • Zell

    I admit it, I used to post regularly but when you switched I lost the ability to login with my old account. Now I’m too lazy to register a new….
    -Zell

    • JustSlaus

      ….ol f*ck-ass….

    • TracyTrips

      LIES

    • Sugafreetoolazytosignin

      We’re in the same boat Zell

    • Beffa

      your old account doesn’t work because this is a completely new system…create a new one fool!

  • Fugg PETA

    Clubbed a baby seal
    Kicked a puppy
    Drowned a new born kitten in a sink of scalding hot dishwater

    One of these I have done and want to do again
    One of these is on my bucket list
    One of these is a lie and would never do

    • 007diva

      Yo ass needs some much damn help…..fuck wrong wichu? i bet you eat hamsters with eggs too…..

    • Beffa

      we are puppy and kitten lovers here…please don’t make us find you

      • Lately25

        I watch Criminal Minds…. We need to find out who this is before he finds us! LOL

  • ReallyTho

    I have been in an on again off again relationship with my ex for almost three years. She has a old man, and as much as I try to leave her alone, part of me cannot let her go because I honestly love her. So I keep letting her back in. I need to figure out what the hell to do because at this point I don’t even know if I want to pursue this any further… But when I see her all of the doubts go out of the window. Plus, The sex is good, but she doesn’t even like to give head…I got it like four or five times last year

  • Admission

    I cheated on my bf with an ex. The sex was/is amazing. The problem….I contracted Herpes from my ex. Told my bf who stuck by me b/c he loves me unconditionally. I’m still having sex with the ex b/c the D is AMAZING!!! I still haven’t told the ex about the H. I don’t think he knows he has it.

    • TracyTrips

      OH HAIL

      It’s all fun and games until you think he’s using a bumpy toy on you and he ain’t….

      • http://www.monaliscurls.com/ Monalisacurls

        *screams with laughter*

      • Beffa

        why are you here!!!

    • herpes chaser

      Is herpes really that bad? I know this chick that has it…I would go to her house and ask her to marry me if I knew the bumpity bump wasn’t too bad. Is it uncomfortable? Does it burn? Do the bumps pop and leave spots in your draws? Can you do it during an outbreak and it not get worse? Will it eventually be visible on the mouth from oral sex? So many questions…I’m willing to lay around and scratch…would even spread creme on her bumps.

      This was the only woman in the city to catch and keep my attention in 7 years. I want to dump in her and make babies so bad. Her fine and smarts are equal and over the top. Cool as the other side of the pillow. Seriously…she was perfect where it matters. She told me she had the herp on date 1. If I see her again around these parts…

      • iamtmonie

        Marry her.

      • Admission

        It is not that bad. It is an STD but it is a “skin infection” type. That is not to minimize the seriousness of it. It is for life and there is no cure, however, it is not life-threatening. It is more of a painful annoyance for people that have outbreaks. I have had it almost a year and no outbreaks since my primary. I take daily meds which suppresses the virus. I don’t know why anyone would not want suppressive therapy. But anyway, my Dr. says I shld have no problems having kids. My bf and I practice safe sex. He gets checked regularly and is clean. I would talk to her about her disease. I am lucky that I have someone in my life. It is hard enough dealing with it, but imagine what she went thru to admit that to you on the 1st date. If you feel this strongly about her do your research and talk to your own Dr. about your concerns. If you two start to date go to a Dr.’s apt with her so you can get info from an OB-GYN’s perspective. It is more common than you think. Some people (mostly men) have no symptoms at all and haven’t had a primary outbreak to let them know they have it. Regular STD tests don’t check for it. you have to specifically ask for a HSV test. About 4 out of 5 people have it. Think about that next time you are at a restaurant, crowded conference, meeting, concert, etc. Per your questions: yes, an outbreak is painful if you get them. Yes, abstain from sex if you have an outbreak. Those of us that have it can sense a “tingling” sensation and know an outbreak is coming and we know to abstain. I don’t even get these. Some days I forget I have it. My only reminder is my medication. I know you are wondering this: no she wont have a bumpy, scarred, horror-movie looking vajayjay. Sex is not painful for her. She wants sex and is probably thinking no one is going to love her with this disease. I would encourage you to at least pursue her if this is your only concern.

      • fuckHSV

        I have HSV as well. I am dating someone very supportive. The fact that she told you says that she likes you. The fact that she told you on the first date says that she likes you ALOT. Trust me – this is not something we tell someone on a casual date or a random stranger. For her to admit this, she had to think about you not just platonically. She thought about you romantically, sexually, long-term-ingly(?). Consider this while you consider pursuing her. Ask yourself, if she didn’t have HSV would you pursue her. If the answer is yes then go after her. It is a constant battle to tell or not to tell. Believe this: If I was single and didn’t give a fuck I could have casual, random sex with anybody. It is hard for a woman to give it to a man. Physically and logistically it’s hard, not impossible though. So I could go around playing Russian roulette with guys and if they get it, I could just claim :you didn’t get that shit form me!!”. I could. But I wouldn’t. You can’t tell I have it I didn’t tell you. No signs or symptoms. Which is the problem with HSV and the reason why it is prob THE most common STD. She told you this deep dark secret. She didn’t have this forum to hide behind. She told you face to face. So respect that and don’t make her worst fear come true by running away as fast as you can. She at least deserves a conversation with you.

    • Alicia

      “Loves me unconditionally” is the nice way of saying low self esteem.

      • Beffa

        you just coming in here shittin’ on everyone’s posts lol

        • Alicia

          I am telling like it is…the tldr version for those in a rush.

      • HiawathaSmalls

        “Loves me unconditionally” is the nice way of saying low self esteem.” – says the Maggot with no man. You know nothing about him or her. Take your ball and go home.

        • Alicia

          “maggot with no man” You know nothing about me clearly either. Healthy, mature, adult love is conditional (cheating, prison, dishonesty, etc) and I had the lady balls to call someone out without hiding behind an anon account.

          • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

            *sigh*
            You know how ain’t shit folks get mad when you call them on their ain’t shit behavior like they expect everyone else to act like them so they don’t feel bad…

            • Alicia

              I made a career out of calling people out on their “ain’t shit behavior.” I worked (I just had a baby 2 weeks ago) as a prison addiction therapist. The “he/she/they love me no matter what” bullshit is for gang members and mutually abusive adults.

              • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

                I’ve never understood that ride or die mentality. I’m not doing shit where the other option is die for anybody but my Momma….on a good day.

                • Alicia

                  I use to have a picture in my office of a women with a black eye and broke lip that said “ride or die?” Life isn’t that damn Bruno Mars Grenade song…I am not jumping in front of no train for no one but my kid.

                  • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

                    I don’t have kids so…

                  • WanderBoi

                    who you said needed a lacefront wig! I’m calling CPS! After I stop laughing!

          • WanderBoi

            Own your ovaries! Especially because you just front shat out a child!

  • Animegirl

    I am a model and actress of indie films and I prefer pudgy/heavy set men over muscular fit types. My three sisters constantly give me problems about my preference for stout fellows and whenever I am in a relationship with a man we constantly hear quips and snide remarks to the tune of: How did he get her? He must be rich. She is a gold digger I bet. It makes for a difficult situation with men as some of them are self conscious about appearing with me at events.

    The men I prefer are also the ones who do not approach me because apparently I look to be out of their league.

    It is very frustrating.

    and very lonely.

    • Beffa

      dang

      fuck yo sisters though that is foul of them

    • JustSlaus

      fat dudes right now are like: SLAUS; WHO is this woman!??? Tell us pllllease!”

      Nope.

  • U’ONTKnoMe

    I was gonna confess but fuq being judged by this group….i aint ready lol

    • JustSlaus

      :: socks you in the mouth ::

      • iamtmonie

        See! We’re missing the really juicy stuff because of Judgey McJudgerson!!!

        • JustSlaus

          It can’t possibly get any gatdamn jucier thanthe shyt already here!!! Cmon, babydoll!!

          Mufuggaz drinking bloody clots…

          getting blowjobs for biscuits….

          lol what more do we need to know!!??

          • iamtmonie

            Moar!!! MOAR!!!!!!!!!

    • 007diva

      Don’t come talkin bout what you was gonna do…….

  • guest

    One of my cousins started dating and eventually married one of my exes. They claimed it was just for money because he got paid extra in the army for being away from his “family”.
    He’s gay. He also has HPV. Now about 10yrs later they’ve divorced, he lives in another state with his bf, and she can’t have kids because she’s sterile from having HPV and not knowing about it.

    • Lately25

      K.A.R.M.A

  • Continue?

    Where to begin…
    Married, kids, building a pretty good life for myself. Couple years into the marriage, my s/o tells me her feelings for me aren’t what they use to be. She tells me she doesn’t think she loves me anymore.
    I don’t believe in splitting up the home because that’s what I lived through. My mom left my dad and she got custody. He’s pretty wealthy but she’s poor. She raised us well, but we never benefitted from his money like we should have. I’m still paying off college I didn’t get to finish…

    Anyway, up until this point we’ve had our issues and bounced back easily. Through indiscretions on her end and various heated disagreements, we always came back as one. But this was brutal. A woman I had spent over ten years with was telling me to my face that she didn’t think she loved me anymore.

    9 months pass, I don’t go near her for intimacy, at all. It ends in a big fight where she admits it was the easiest 9 months of her life. You could say I snapped. After all that time, I had never stepped out on her. Ever. Despite many chances and opportunities, it was never worth losing the love. But the love was only existent on my end now.

    Since then we tried making it work, tried going polyamorous (her idea) and that worked for a while, but then she began to feel jealous of other women getting my time. In that time I began a series of D/s relationships with women. Some of which continue today.

    They continue because although not sexually intimate, they fill a need for desire that I don’t get here. That I doubt I’ll ever see again. And they pay me for it =p

    The biggest issue is, I don’t think I care. Not even sure really. After putting so much into making her dreams come true, I’m just done. But still I come home, smile, put on a happy face and trudge forward. Undaunted by reality, I move on. Her family sees it and sympathize. I think they’re more surprised than anything. Surprised I endure.

    We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

    • Alicia

      so you are a hooker?

      • Yaya

        a hooker, yup!

        • HappyHooker

          Oh please, women very rarely pay men for any type of sex, it’s like an Eskimo paying for ice.

          • JustSlaus

            truuuuuuue.

  • Weiss Kreuz

    I call my husband during work hours then go in the bathroom after I get off the phone and play with it in the bathroom until I have at least two orgasms. And people wonder why my evaluations always say I’m a pleasant person. Busting a couple nuts at work would make anybody smile.

    • JustSlaus

      “Busting a couple nuts at work would make anybody smile.” Can we get this put into an HR brochure?

  • sdfghj
  • Sugafreetoolazytosignin

    I really just read all of this…

  • Forgive Me For the Lies

    My coworker is elderly. She’s in her mid seventies. She wears a diaper. But we sit so close together that I can smell when she’s pooping herself. So whenever she gives me anything, even if it’s work related, I immediately throw it away and use hand sanitizer. People think she’s getting senile because I keep blaming her for all the missing paperwork.

    I feel really bad cuz she’s soooo sweet. But I just can’t with the wet poop farts…

    • Beffa

      that is so mean! to blame her for lost paperwork when you are throwing it away.

      you could be fired if it ever comes out that you are doing that.

      • Lately25

        But.. But… She’s purposely sitting up and shitting in her diaper!!! I though those were supposed to be like emergency exits at the movies, used only for dire emergencies.

        • Yaya

          i hate you

  • notconvincedgranny

    There. are. so. many. comments!!

    *Grabs snitching jacket, adjusts recliner, looks for similarities and starts writing*

  • LessOfAWoman

    I’ve been married for over 2 years and me and my husband haven’t had sex yet. it’s mostly because I am very susceptible to yeast infections and they cause a lot of swelling down there. I’ve been to the doctor and they have no explanation besides “it happens”.

    A small part of me feels like I’m being raped. The first time we tried, I almost passed out. I couldn’t stop crying. I actually shouted “Get out of me!” He, having been molested as a child, asked me if I had too. I honestly don’t remember. I remember a “family” member who would play with himself while I was in the room. I never told anyone about it besides my husband…

    I love my husband. I want to feel that connection and it kills me. I hate myself and some days I want to die. Some days I lie in bed and cry myself to sleep.

    • Beffa

      I would seek a second opinion on the yeast infection thing. you may need to change your diet.

      I would advise you and your husband to both seek counseling individual and couples

    • Lately25

      I think a 2nd opinion is in order. It’s possible you could have Bacterial Vaginosis, its symptoms are slightly similar to those of having a yeast infection but it is very much different and therefore must be treated differently. Please seek another opinion so that you can begin to enjoy your marital bed

  • creepycrawler

    I gave my boyfriend crabs in college and didn’t tell him. When we broke up he gave it to another girl and people went around sayin he was nasty when i knew damn well it was me who started the shyt.

    • Beffa

      the fact that your name is creepycrawler…

      • Baegatha Christie

        I’m sitting over here trying to not holler out loud. The struggle is so real right now

  • FutureVoyeur

    How do I tell my husband I want to watch another woman give him head? The thought turns me on, but I know I’d kill the heffa afterwards

    • JustSlaus

      at first i’m like: Yaaaaaay
      then I was like: Wait..what?

      you’ll probably have to find a woman to do it whom you are not threatened by at all. :shrugs:

      You’re fun

      • Y’all Nasty

        you’ll probably have to find a woman to do it whom you are not threatened by at all.

        i.e. a sex worker…meaning you’ll have to pay for that. It’ll be safer for everyone involved though.

  • letinstar

    i missed all the fun…

  • MyLipsAreSealed

    I would confess, but I’m scared. Lol I believe what I would like to confess I could get into legal trouble for. The fact that I am at work right now in a church makes it even worse. So no, I will pass. lol

    • JustSlaus

      well damn!

  • Ibeen Givenhead

    I have been an OHN lurker since 2008, and I remember a chick named Bella. I would read her blog all the time because she gave great sex tips, and I was very inexperienced in the bedroom. For a while I was without the internet (the struggle is a beyotch) and stopped reading her blog. But Bella, if you’re still out there, I just wanna say thank you. Because I am the sh*t at giving my man some bomb azz head. Boom!
    “Spitters are quitters” – Bella

  • http://fydbac.daportfolio.com/ Jainai Jeffries

    Confess as a guest…I’ll just post as myself if it’s alright; since it’s something I’ve always wanted to do for a while, to better gauge if I’m really that good (more on that later):

    I turned 30 this past Nov. and I’m still a virgin. Definitely not because I’m saving myself. Just never something I went out to find. Always said it’s because I was focused on my career. Which I still believe.

    I used to rarely think about it, but lately It’s been crossing my mind a bit more: to the point where I wanna stop working long enough to be more social…and fvck…and meet new folks. But partly just to fvck.

    I know I’m not ugly, or a slob, and know that being a size 16 -18 is irrelevant (I’ve always known too many females more plump than me who have MAD game). I’m almost positive I could get it whenever I want. But I also don’t want some loser moron attached to the first dick I allow in me either. Though I have not yet officially started to look: I have a feeling I may come off as intimidating when I do, for several reasons, but one may be because my transportation is a Yamaha R6, I’m almost always in my gear. I say that because I notice how guys look or me…or better yet, how they don’t. Think I’m just paranoid… But I’ll test that out when I do finally start to go out for it. Been planning to be social at some motorcycle grouping or other.

    Concerning the “…to better gauge if I’m really that good”: I’m a 30yr, straight, female, and a majority of my private commissions are porn requests. Mostly Male x male, though I do get requests for the other pairs. A part of me wants to kinda tell my clients, just to see if they are surprised or not when compared to how I do erotic art (I never use pose references). But I think that may be unprofessional and come off as “attention seeking”. So I probably never will. Unless one asks, I suppose. Probably should have made this post after I set up the porn-art tumblr…

    Oh, and last bits: I watch porn sometimes for inspiration. I’ve never masturbated with my own fingers, or a dildo, or any toy. 2 times in my adult life now though, I swear my body have tried to masturbate in my sleep. It’ll feel like a dream, but I’m maybe a quarter awake or so. I never insert anything though…

    I haven’t shared too much, have I? Part of my “confession” is because I always wanted to see if I could let go of such restraints as easily as I believed I could. And that is to strengthen my resolve to not be embarrassed or shy when I try my macking hypothesis on some men. (I kinda have a theory that if a guy is too intimidated by me, then he’s not worth it anyway. Since I want a guy who’ll be as honest and straight forward as I will be).

    …and…I think that’s it :)

    • OhLikeYouDidntThinkIt

      Lawd, you ’bout to start a stampede w/this…though if you need to practice blowjobs, I’m sure there won’t be a shortage of volunteers….*raises hand*

    • http://twitter.com/ktemjin Kaname

      First off you draw yaoi?! *high fives* I can understand the struggle as I am a late bloomer (as in a few years younger than you). Being introverted had/s a lot to do with it on my part. All it comes down to is what you want your s8xlife to be like – as in do you want to go the casual route, the relationship route, everything in between etc. Without blowing up my spot *too* much, I had hoped to experience my first time with a boyfriend but as I live inside my head too much it takes me too long to make a solid long-term connection with guys (I get the “you’re a cool chick comment a lot”); it doesn’t help that without exception, every guy that has ever approached me has made it clear that s&xytimes was the only thing on their minds ;___; (but the guy I eventually chose to get busy with came into my life at a great time – we were both only interested in the physical and no desire for emotional engagement with a set end date for our liaison).

      The long and short of it is – if you’re just down for s8xytimes, then just interview the heck out of the guy to weed out any traits/quirks that will indicate that he’s not up to your standard (this applies to vetting guys for relationships as well).

    • JustSlaus

      :: cooking marshmallows off the heat you’re giving off ::

      Every dude in here (and some women) are all going nuts trying to come for you like: http://i.imgur.com/KJnk9.gif

      You were already my favourite illustrator. above stanley lau even. Now you just became x50 cooler as a person.

      Good shyt,

    • MeToo

      My confession: I waited until I was 30 years old to have sex. I can count the amount of times I’ve had sex on 1 hand. I understand where you’re coming from.

  • Guest

    P.S.
    Oh, and I KNOW I’ll be shy my first time (in both sex and blowjobs). But I like to think I’ll get better each time. And I actually look forward to getting great at giving a blowjob.

  • Alessandro Mariano

    omg i love all of these so much

  • Gimme A Benefit

    Recently my best friend asked me about being ‘Friends with Benefits’ and I said no. Now I’ve been having some of the nastiest damn thoughts about said person, and kind of regret saying no. But on the other hand, I don’t want this person to see me naked, or know the true extent of the kind of things I like to say in the bedroom. I think they’d look at me TOTALLY different afterwards….

    • Alessandro Mariano

      i say just do it. ball out bro.. or girl

  • jessica

    My name is Jessica Ruiz from Florida I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I hadd a problem with my Ex husband 2years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Dr Shiva at hinduspelltemple@yahoo .com . I email Dr Shiva the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Dr Shiva hinduspelltemple@yahoo .com for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is hinduspelltemple@yahoo .com you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too.