Stupid ass stupid stuff said on House Hunters and other HGTV shows

I love sitting back every sunday with my paper, some Honey Tea with lime, my snuggie ass snuggie and my slippers and just veg out for a few hours of HGTV. But by the end of my usual 2 hours of bingewatching, what always happens is that i’m annoyed as hell with the same gatdamn people every show. Oh it’s always different people but they always say the SAME shit.. ALWAYS!!

Here are some of the most annoying…

“This is a dealbreaker..I want to be able to walk to work.”

This color is a dealbreaker for me

If they’re willing to repaint the entire inside of the house, I’d think about it

I gotta have my man cave ( …but dude is still a student and she is the one paying for the house)


This house with everything else I love is not going to work because i need granite.
I just wanna Tyrion slap a bytch.

The house is wonderful but i hate the carpet and light fixtures

When EVERY person is looking for a house beyond their budget and they say: “We don’t wanna have to do any work.”


No this house won’t work. I can’t have white appliances.

But all the appliances are so old. This is house isn’t going to work

Which house should we get, honey. I hope you’re thinking of the one i’m thinking. At the count of three…

Stop Fronting , dude…. I don’t even know why the men BOTHER pretending. (.9 times out fo 10 they ALWAYS buy the house she really wanted. ONLY time the guy has a chance in getting his way is when the spouse is another dude.

OMG These SOuthern homes have so much charm and HISTORY I bet…
lynchYa don’t say, bitch… Ya don’t say…

On the international shows… “we need room for entertaining” Who’s coming to visit you in Istanbul? -Kevin.

On Property Brothers …” an old firehouse in the center of downtown next to everything? No I can’t see the potential..”



What are YOUR most annoying home improvement show comments?

When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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  1. rmc_futurephd says

    I laugh when people want waterfront property for 200,000. In one southern area, the Realtor showed a couple a home that looked like it came out of deliverance but it was by a lake in their price range lol. Needless to say, they went with a regular home.

    Or when they finally show a homeowner of color every 6 or 7 episodes and first your like “It’s about damn time”…..then your sad because they are just as bad as the rest of them.

  2. JustMe81 says

    When the lady on Property Brothers told them she wanted an open-concept home…on all three floors…but she didn’t want any “hideous support posts” in the way (I honestly couldn’t understand what she thought was going to keep the house from falling in on itself with that kind of request). And then when they showed her an open-concept main floor, she complained that she didn’t like the fact that she could see through the house from the front door. That was the point my husband told me to turn it off because he couldn’t handle that level of stupid.

    Oh, and on House Hunters International when Americans get in their feelings because they can’t find a huge kitchen or they want beachfront property for next to nothing.

    Also, a lady on House Hunters once vetoed a house under her budget that had damn near everything on her wishlist because she didn’t like the kitchen cabinet fixtures…I was done.

    • CaraQ says

      “Also, a lady on House Hunters once vetoed a house under her budget that had damn near everything on her wishlist because she didn’t like the kitchen cabinet fixtures…I was done.”

      They are so lucky I don’t know people like this or play the realtor. I know some want to cuss their asses out RIGHT ON THE SPOT! I know *I* would! I love the shows that have a person with them who snarks on all their complaints. LOVE it!

    • Candace says

      LOL! I love the realtors on House Hunters International tho, cuz they are always side-eyeing the clients when they find out the budget…Like what do you expect to get for that chump change you’re bringing over here?! One realtor was showing a couple houses in the Caribbean or somewhere and she was also American and after hearing the wife complaining about how the house didn’t have this or that, she said, “they have champagne dreams, with beer money…” I fell out dying!

      • Trina Roach says

        Some people think they are high rollers when they land overseas with a hand full of dollars.

        That used to be true – back in the 70’s!

  3. CaraQ says

    Like, how much entertaining do you do to need a football stadium for a kitchen? And STFU about paint, fixtures and countertops! If everything else is right, I don’t see how those are deal breakers, bish!!! But, nooo… you’d rather be poor, going over budget and have the commute from hell for the nice kitchen…

    And Fugg those homes with all them extra-ass rooms you need to furnish! And fugg all that “I need American comforts” when you are moving to old ass cities in other countries for the charm or experience. BISH, you there for CULTURE, remember? Why do you need all this extra BS!

  4. Leo the Yardie Chick says

    “I don’t like that we’re so close to the neighbours!”

    Maybe you shouldn’t look for homes in NEIGHBOURHOODS, then.

    • CaraQ says

      GIRL!!! Girl… Girl. How about your neighbors don’t give two turds about you! Or the one where they had the pool in the backyard with a fence, but was upset that they could still see their neighbors (and they could see them) because the other house was on a slight hill. Um, STFU, you got your damn pool!

      I’d rather have neighbors who can hear me scream (or know when someone’s been around my house) than them fools who INSIST on living in the middle of bunfugg nowhere!

  5. CaraQ says

    Slaus- That’s not always true. There have been SOME shows where the woman ACTUALLY used some common damn sense and chose what was convenients to the one who is working (him). Granted, it’s mostly been the international shows, but still… there have been some. BUT– there have been some where the woman allowed herself to be bullied or conned into some ole BS for the guy.

    You already KNOW how much I cannot stand that bully BS! That’s why I laughed SO MUCH when dude on Love It or List It- who INSISTED on keeping a wood-burning stove in the house inspite of it being useless for heating- had to agree to move in the end or his wife was gonna leave his ass! LOL She went OFF because she didn’t get the extra bathroom upstairs or a few other things because they ate up the budget trying to put in gas AND keep his wood-burning stove. SMH

    • JustSlaus says

      No. we can pick any upcoming sunday and watch 2 hours worth of house hunters and I Bet you 90% of the time, they go with the house she chooses. GAWRONTEEE

      • CaraQ says

        Ok. Because I have seen some lately where the guys won. Like the dude who kept talking about wanting a log cabin-y home and hated EVERYTHING else they were shown. Finally, his wife went with the house that had all the wood paneling to make him happy as long as he painted some of the wood.

        They re-did the kitchen (thank goodness!) and it looked like he put up some drywall in certain rooms (or at least one wall in the living and bed rooms).

        • JustSlaus says

          I see the guy win maybe once a sunday. One time the dude won out and I was like: that must be some good D, because he was on some boolshyt. They ended up getting the house he really wanted that was outside of the school district that they specifically said they needed to be in and the one less bedroom ALL because of a mancave with a home theatre.

          I was like….Lady?? wow…. you ol 1950’s weak bytch you.

  6. CaraQ says

    “All this brass has to go!” OK!

    “I don’t like the fixtures/paint/cabinets!” OK! But if you can’t afford to renovate? STFU and deal!
    “It’s not homey…” I would suspect a football field for a house wouldn’t be!
    “Charm!” Um… no.
    “It’s not in our desired neighborhood!” Bish, its a block over! Or if you are willing to save more coins, your ass need to get over it!

    • marina says

      The brass one: was this in the bathroom with green sinks and the lone toilet by the wall? Because she gave me a headache listening to her.

      • CaraQ says

        I can’t remember. It may have been more than one, but she kept commenting on it to the point that the realtor just said it could be changed and then ignored her. lol

  7. CaraQ says

    OH!!! Have you seen the new shows where they are buying beachfront property or WHOLE damn ISLANDS?! Now THEM folks can bitch, but even then I’m like, “Then buy the one that makes sense… sh*t, you have the money!”
    According to some of these folks (especially the tacky/trashy people), I must live in a hovel because I don’t like a LOT of shit, but I’m in it because the price is right AND the location, so… whatever!

  8. Candace says

    I can’t stand when they get into people’s bathtubs w/ their shoes on, etc…Just ewww! When the wives can’t cook, yet complain about the kitchen. I also hate when couples that don’t have any kids go and look at 4+ bedroom homes talking about the master bedroom walk-in closet isn’t big enough for them…Yet there are three other EMPTY bedrooms in the house to use! I remember watching one where the woman was so upset about the homeowner’s taste that she wouldn’t even walk into the dining room cause there was a big porcelain rooster on the table as a centerpiece. They’re just too over the top.

    • Leo the Yardie Chick says

      Oh Lawd, the shoes in the tub/shower. UGH!

      If they’re fussing so hard over things that can be easily changed or lived-with, then they must not want a home that damn badly!

    • Trina Roach says

      How about when they plop their arses down on someone else’s bed?! I always rinse out my tub/shower before I fill it/get in, but I don’t always change my sheets when someone is over… Because I don’t expect them to put their butts on my bed!

  9. Yaya says

    I don’t know who’s worse; people looking for homes of brides planning their wedding. I want to cunt punt all of them.

    • CaraQ says

      Thank you! We had milk creates from 7-Eleven until my mom bought her first furniture sets, then they became bookcases. Hmpf… they don’t know about life and hardships!

  10. JustSlaus says

    fugg that. if you can jump from one house to the next or get a cup of sugar by both y’all reaching out your windows, you are too fuggin close to my house.

    • JustMe81 says

      And those houses are usually listed over $400,000! I can’t even begin to tell you all the hell no’s a sale would get from me.

    • CaraQ says

      That’s one thing (and I live in a townhome), but these houses had enough room to ignore your neighbor and they STILL bitch.

  11. JustMe81 says

    What’s the show where the buyers give a laundry list of wishes, then the realtor shows them a home with everything on their list…then breaks their spirits with the fact that the house is listed like $300,000 above their budget? I love that show. *smiles evilly*

  12. JustSlaus says

    Great house under budget with a unicorn forest in the background and stainless steel appliances and hardwood floors.

    But it’s not in the city… i’ll take this other 2 bedroom condo over budget with association fees and unpaid parking.

  13. Alicia says

    Years ago there was a young man (like 19) and his wealthy parents were helping him out with down payment AND he worked for them. He seemed like the kind of guy who would kick you out of bed 30 seconds after he nutted and his frat-guy buddy was going to be his roomie. Anyway his criteria for the home was it needed to be big enough for his and his friend’s Hummer! The houses he was looking at were massive (single man with no kids,) but the “issue” was it needed to fit 2 damn Hummers. Awesome investment criteria you ass.

  14. marina says

    I tried watching it now. Why in all fucksdo you want to change that house? You don’t like the beige? Paint it, bitch! You don’t like the low fence? Replace it, bitch! That house has EVERYTHING! And its beautiful and you want to knock out shit.

    • marina says

      And of course, they went with the one over budget and she still had complaints about it not being contemporary enough. With dark kitchen cabinets and the house that looks like everyone else’s.

  15. CaspercutieSTL says

    On Love or List it, I roll my eyes so hard when people can’t get what they want. Why? Because big chunks of the budget has to go to fix stuff that should have been taken care of the 10 to 20 years ya’ll lived in the house. Then want to get huffy and snippy with folks for not delivering. SMH.

    • JustMe81 says

      This. This lady bitched Hillary out because she had to rewire the basement to avoid a damn fire and fix her janky plumbing, so she couldn’t get custom built – in shelving…Lady bye, you knew your house was fugged up before they got there and you gave them a laundry list of improvements on a $50,000 budget.

      • LadyCant says


        If it comes with plenty of wine and permission to complain the entire time it’s on, then okay. LMAO

  16. marina says

    Take note: parag (spelling) and pooja. That is how you compromise and not be childish jerks by complaining about what you can fix. They chose the fixer-upper that was WITHIN their budget and they did a great job. It’s okay to have cosmetic hiccups, but they weren’t annoying about them…well he was, but slightly. He made up for it by working with his wife and going over things that were pros, cons, and compromises. How refreshing to see an open-minded couple.

  17. Hautie says

    I feel so much better now. I love watching House Hunters. But hate the home buyers. :) Or the “best friend” of the home buyer, who sh*t talks every home they tour.

    The one consistent thing that bugs me with buyers. The obsession about stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops… and the all powerful, hard wood floors.

    Stupid cosmetic things. ON A USED HOUSE.

    Not one care in the world about whether the house is on a great foundation. Or if the local HOA is demanding a thousand a month in fee’s. I watch people make decisions about a home purchase over appliances, counter tops and wood floors.

    But the one thing I truly enjoy. Seeing how grossly over priced the homes are in California and Florida.

    How does a cheaply built home from the 1970’s… that was never updated, have a half million price tag? A home that you be lucky as a dog to get 90K for it, in Dallas.

  18. CaraQ says

    Have you seen the Renovation ones? This one woman made me want to slap her with a hammer! Her decorator was OVER it, but she handled herself well in the end.

    • JustMe81 says

      You mean the show where the couples renovate their own house? Girl…I feel bad for 99.9% of the husband’s cause the wives are usually lazy as hell! On one episode, the wife leaves the reno midway to go bellydancing…then complains that it’s too hot to work when she gets back (but it wasn’t too hot to be standing in the middle of the street dancing for 3 hours…yeah ok bish).

      • CaraQ says

        Did you see the one where the woman designed restaurants? She was helping her husband with the reno, but he recommended that they get a decorator because she was stressed (and would freak out). She STILL freaked out over everything!

        • Hautie says

          I saw that one!

          Where the wife was throwing around all her “professional” knowledge. And got into some type of grudge holding fight, with the decorator, over the stove being used. And how the counter top was being fitted up against it. Really crazy ugly behavior.

          Good times.

          • CaraQ says

            That’s her! And she goes, “Maybe I should go… I’m going to go!” in the most bitchy, passive-aggressive tantrum ever. Even her husband was just looking at her and the decorator wanted to cut a bish!

  19. notconvincedgranny says

    I just wonder how these people manage to have the money to buy a house at all since they seem so stupid they chew water.

  20. Leo the Yardie Chick says

    And another thing: How did couples manage to survive this far in human history without his-and-her-sinks and mancaves?

    • CaraQ says

      I will give them that. My husband and I are alive because we do not share a bathroom or closet. lol I would have to have a large closet (or option to create one) and double sinks. Otherwise, we’d be back to using separate spaces.

  21. Micchi Dawn says

    House Hunters International when they feature the Bahamas and somehow folks have this very warped idea they can buy a home on the beach here for a million dollars. I burst out laughing I swear! Sir/Ma’am there is NO WAY IN HELL that is happening.