History likes to look back at certain things as achievements. As moments to be celebrated, almost as if they were points on a map that lead on a path to greater enlightenment and advancement. But it’s kinda funny how if you look at things with a different focus, all it really reveals is more of the saaaaaaammme old shyt.
Take cave paintings for example. Linguistic scholars like to point to the tradition of cave paintings as the roots of language. That these crude inscriptions on the walls of the shelters that roaming family groups shared planted the seeds of our storytelling traditions, lighting the way for complex systems of communication that helped propel civilization forward.
When in reality, it was probably something more like:
“Honey, what is this?”
“Oh yeah, that’s a painting I did on the wall.”
“I KNOW THAT, what is it a painting of?”
“Oh, well remember when me and the fellas came back from the hunt with that giant mammoth?”
“I remember telling you to get some dinner on your way home from work.”
“Well yeah, tracking that thing down and killing it turned out to be pretty epic. What with all the running and arrows and spear throwing and stuff.”
“Mmm-hmm, So are you gonna do this every time we eat?”
“Well, no — it’s just that like I said, it was a pretty big deal. Coach said I threw the spear almost 300 yards. Scored a couple of hits, too. More than anyone else in the tribe this season..”
We’re all sentimental to an extent, I think. Memories are important to us as a species. And yet there’s something about the way men tend to place value on physical mementos of past victories that seems to take it one step further. Almost as if we feel some sort of need to see and touch the proof of our individual histories — despite the fact that we know in our minds that those things actually happened.
Lots of women treasure keepsakes. But for whatever reason, men tend to make it seem like they need trophies.
But the question is, how long is too long to celebrate a win?
Dear OHN Roundtable,
Ok got a question fellas…..at what age or point is it time to get rid of “da shoe box” & all of its contents? Or is it ok to keep it forever in secret? Would you ever share the cards, letters, & pics with your wife, or is that just crazy talk?
Now a few of you ladies out there might be asking yourself at this point, “Wait, what’s da shoe box?” But rest assured, the rest of the readers know exactly what we’re talking about, and are all now like:
“Yes, dear. Why don’t you tell us all about the shoe box.”
You’d think in this age of social networking and smartphones that “the shoe box” would become the proverbial dinosaur and fade away, but there are some things you just can’t digitize. But that doesn’t mean you should ideally be holding on to them for years, either. Especially if the memories you’re saving is of someone from your past, and you’ve moved onto someone new in the present.
And yet — many you know all too well what it means when a man has five pairs of Jordans and six orange boxes that say Nike on the side.
We put this question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all over the country weighed in with their opinions, and some even offered advice from similar experiences.
Here are the highlights:
Take it from me. if they find it……. it aint gone be pretty.
Burn it. Burn it with FIRE.
It never existed.
We never had this conversation.
I forgot all about mine until one day my wife decided to “clean and organize.” I ended up with a file folder behind our tax documents labeled “His old girlfriends.”
That was 5 years ago and I have yet to hear the end of it!
Unless your wife is interested in sharing — I’d burn it once I got married. Keeping something like that, is almost like saying that I’m reserving my options in case something went wrong or I’m upset – in essence, not trusting that this marriage would last…so, no I wouldn’t keep it.
But my Goodfellow says get rid of them. Seriously, why keep any of it?
But what if there is NOOOO thought or hope of returning to any of dem hos and you’re just keeping them for reflection and remembrance? What if the ones that made “da shoe box” really meant something to you? I mean these are ladies that you shared a special bond with in your past. You may consider them lifelong friends who you only acknowledge when/if your paths cross. Are we wrong & bad cause we’re visual beings? Most dudes only keep stuff from the ones that were special (or at least that one wit da faaattt a**!)
But it’s not like we’re the only ones. You know females still have ALL of their love letters and cards! They just do a better job of hiding their ish at they momma’s house!
Yeah, but that’s probably where the difference is. It’s one thing to have some memories of old flames from when you’re young in the place you grew up. But it’s quite another to bring a collection of your greatest hits into a new relationship and act like it’s no big deal.
That’s why most of us probably feel the need to hide it.
Which is it’s own can of worms. Half the time I think it’s the trying to hide it that makes it worse!
You know how we hate when they bring up old shit? Please believe that if you get busted, that shyt will absolutely never go away — Ever. Not ever……ever…….ever.
If there is some sentimental non-porno type stuff in the box — MAYBE keep it at your mamma’ house behind that loose brick on the wall for 20 years, then find it accidentally. Otherwise, torch that sh*t. It will be like herpes — after that first major flare-up you will live in terror of the expected unexpected return attacks. It ain’t worth it.
I’m just saying — if you found a stash of all the dick pics dudes had sent her before you me — most of ya’ll would end it right there or burn the house up with her still in it. So I don’t want to hear nan mufugga talking about heffas will overreact, when we all KNOW how dudes react if put in the same position.
I started really questioning whether or not it was worth keeping after hearing all that.
I still have all my old pics. Nothing too serious. EYE got nothing to worry about.
Meanwhile my partna over here all like:
No, no, no — trust me: If you keep the box of stuff, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass. She finds it, you guys argue.. Then you starting thinking things are fine. 5 years down the road while arguing about some random shyt…she yells “Well why don’t you contact one of them hoes in your shoebox and go feed her your lies!”
Might as well hand her a loaded gun, buddy.
Or you are in trouble about some shyt you should have known better about and it’ll be:
Her: ” You’re sorry!?? Just like your sorry ass should have known better than to have a treasure trove of hoes after all these years!??
You: Damn I forgot to pick up the motrin for you..
Her: Just like you forgot to throw away your Ho-lodex??
Or or think about this…..You and your girl are laying on the couch and she says: “Hey I’m feeling freaky do you know any chicks that want to get down? Cause I use to play with this chick in college. You know during my bi days.”
You (feeling accomplished): babe if I could get a chick could we bust her down?!
Babe: told you I was feeling frisky.
You (thinks of hoe box): I think I might no a biatch that is down.
Babe: Oh so you know somebody? How you know somebody that would be down for that? Do you still talk to her? Is she in your FB list? Instagram? Twitter? Is she in your phone?
You (lost): babe what happened you….
Babe: I found the box in the closet stacked with your other Jordans already, who is these nasty bitches?
….So as you can see you’re in a lose-lose situation. NUCCA get rid of that shit lmao.
You need to hide that shyt like dope.
I think most chicks get so mad about this because they have boxes of letters and photos of their own and they KNOW deep down that a few of them old dudes could still get it for old times sake!
They figure yours just has to be the same kind of situation.
Brah, I’m TELLIN’ you: BURN THAT SHYT. I already know that my wife’s reaction to a box like that would be any good woman’s reaction to a box like that, and we wouldn’t need Facebook to hear about it ‘cuz that shyt will be AAAWWWLLL over the news:
“Our top story, a dude got knocked all the way the fugg out by wife. Steve?”
“Thanks, Bob. According to the Metropolitan police chief, when the dude walked into his home after work, his wife busted him all up in his facial regions and his melon with a baseball bat. Sources close to the scene say that she found a box of his old doin’s and was not pleased that he’d kept trophies of past conquests.”
But that’s just our opinion. What do you think?
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