The scenes you hate the most in Porn.

Let me just be real here, Ohn. let me be frank…cletus.. joseph whomever.  Let me just stand on this stage and tell you something you may not know about me:
I love porn. I do… I admit it. I love watching sexual things happen between two or three or four consenting adults that involve lots of sweating and penetrating. I admit it.  That’s right.. I will stand here before you and be judged by my insatiable desire to spectate on all things carnal whether they be real people or japanese animated characters.

I dig it.

Buuuuuut there are just some things IN pornography that when viewed, cause me to wretch or quickly run for my X button to click it off.

Things that make me look at the screen and go:
nope_ani

These are the following types of scenes I can’t stand to see in porn….

Semen Play – This has got to be the nastiest shyt in all of nastiest shyts ever. Now do NOT get me wrong as I view Blowjobs as the single most amazing thing in this world.  I do I do I do I do! But also know that I have an aversion to all things mucus. So when I see the videos of the chicks playing with it in their haaaands or opening their mouth wide to show how their nasty pelican jaw lookin-asses are holding a pool of cock snot in there……just……ugh bytch ugh.
marilyn

also makes me want to yell out: WHERE WAS YOUR FATHER!!???? Your mother!??? You didn’t eat together as a family did you!!!!

Anal to Vagina or Anal to mouth: Look I’m not here to judge anyone because hey…. you like what you like and whatever helps you reach the top of the mountain so be it. But hear this, bytch. Takes notes or screenshots even. After a penis has been deep within the bowels of your anus, HOW could you then let that ish go into your vagina!? Your mouth!!??
Rashida-Jones-Disgusted
Seriously and For real for real!! After that ish has been all in your ass booty, if that bytch tried to then penetrate any other opening with that shit-riddled monstrosity, I do not understand how you aren’t like:
shall-not-pass

Ugly vaginas. I’m sorry to be the one to tell it to you ladies but…..every vagina is not beautiful. Nooooope. You’ve been lied to. What Vaginas are capable of DOING is beautiful but some shyt out there looks like the aftermath of a terrorist attack. I figure that if your vagina looks like an open hippo mouth, you should not do porn. That…that’s just how I feel.
hippo_mouth

Those are just a few of the things I hate…. what about YOU?  Wit’cha nasty ass.

 

Oh yeah.. I totally jacked this topic from reddit.

Slaus
When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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  • 007diva

    First of all i watch it in fast forward mode. Why, I don’t know? I can’t stand the cum shot…….

    • http://www.twitter.com/justlikecandyb Candace

      LOL! I can’t stand them either! I will press “stop” way before that happens.

  • doubledizze

    That hippo mouth, though…it’s almost enough to make me take a vow of celibacy if I wasn’t already in the midst of a drought biblical proportions.

    • JustSlaus

      you’d be amazed at how many people don’t believe a guy can have a dry spell … they literally can’t fathom it.

      • Yaya

        I offered but he said my hair ringlets coiled in the wrong direction. Ol picky azz bastard.

        • doubledizze

          That’s because jheri curl juice is supposed to be used on your head.

          • Yaya

            It’s not my fault the lawd didn’t provide me proper lubrication :(

            • me

              My god! You brought back memories. I ran into this 20 years ago. She told me and said she had no lube. We still tried…
              “Can I put the tip in anyway”?
              “Ok”.
              “Ouch, owww,ouch,owww”.
              Spit…nothing…
              My pee hole got off…no penetration. I was very understanding and not upset. Didn’t push to get back there though.

              I would love to see her again today and have lube…two words…nat puzzy.

        • JustSlaus

          wait… he turned down my Boobybaby? unh unh… Dizze you gots some explainin to do….

          • doubledizze

            See, what had happened was…..

          • Yaya

            maaan forget him. you know light skinded dudes aint right in the head anyway.

            • doubledizze

              UMMMMM…..what time was it for you when you decided to ring my phone this morning? Call my cell before 9AM or after 10PM, you better be offering me a job as your new OB/GYN.

              • Yaya

                I was calling from the trunk!

                • doubledizze

                  Fibs, fairytales, and fallacies…..

      • doubledizze

        It’s so bad, I see tumbleweeds in my dreams.

    • iamtmonie

      Right there with you, pal.

    • Omelette!

      Oh count me in “misty water-coloured memories, of the way we were…”

    • notconvincedgranny

      If that’s not enough, try vagina dentata.

      • doubledizze

        And for that image ma’am…..you gots to go.

  • Chidiva

    I get paid crazy amounts of money to edit this shit every week,I have to say now,I hate ALL the bucky nekkid nastyness that is porn.I see more amature porn,but the latest thing that’s apparently hot in the streets is the”dirty sanchez”.I just did a 20 minute one with these guys in a circle doing that shit.

    • JustSlaus

      Ugh baby ugH!!!!

    • Chidiva

      oh, buy did I mean I edited it,not costarring

      • Omelette!

        …my eyebrows will come down eventually.
        Chidiva? Are you a smut peddler?
        I’m genuinely impressed!

        • Chidiva

          *hangs head in semi-shame” … Yes,I am a purveyor of poonany and peen.I edit/tag video scenes and Pictures for amature and mainstrean porn companies and most of the photos are for various alternative lifestyle dating/hookup sites.

          • imagination1919

            it’s good to know i’m not “alone” in working for adult entertainment…

            • Yaya

              I want in hookers.

              • imagination1919

                I play with “professional companions”… they don’t like to be called “hookers” – it’s a downgrade in status..

            • Omelette!

              Well you can’t just say that and leave…

          • wendy

            I want your job!!!

          • Omelette!

            I’m so proud of you, saucy minx!

            • Chidiva

              I love FemDom(for obvious reasons),Humiliation,Shibari(which I’m learning),DP,BWWM and instructional are my favorites.

              • vanessa197676

                Are you going to Shibaricon this year, or Kinky Kollege? GD2 has some great classes.

                • Chidiva

                  I’m excited to be going to Shibaricon in May!!

                  • vanessa197676

                    Every year I say I’m going to that, IML, and join GD2, but time flies and deadlines get away from me. Plus I hate how IML and Shibaricon are on the same weekend, because I hear there’s some good shopping at IML.

                    • Chidiva

                      I really want to go to the black and blue ball.

          • iamtmonie

            I’ve always wondered who did tags and how it was done. Now I know. Thank you.

            • Chidiva

              I have to go through every still with a fine tooth comb to catagorize each position,genre and fetsh(my favorite!!)so when it hits the market it,they know how to target the right group.The pictures,Tho?! whoooo lawd,I wish I could do a psa on the pics people think are for certain eyes only or for some very popular dating sites that wind up on my desk because they are beyond nsfl.

    • DameloSuave

      That sounds like a fun job…for about two weeks #smutoverload

      • Chidiva

        I’ve been doing this so long, now it’s like watching a rerun of the same episode.Half of the stuff I see is more comical than smutty.Some of them are audition clips,some of those have me laughing my arse off.

      • http://www.twitter.com/justlikecandyb Candace

        I briefly dabbled in that world, but it got to the point where I wasn’t interested in sex for a LONG time. And I rather enjoy sexual acts so I had to make a choice lol.

    • Unckle_Ruckus

      I remember you mentioning that many threads ago. It sounds like the money is decent, if you desensitize yourself.

    • wendy

      Dirty Sanchez. And that is….

      • Omelette!

        Oddly, it has a Wikipedia page.

    • iamtmonie

      Hey lady. There’s someone on the latest post that could use your expertise and experience towards some advice about revenge porn. Swing by the latest entry when you have a sec, if you are so inclined.

  • TracyTrips

    OPEN CAVITY ASSHOLES

    I don’t know WHO IN THE HAIL enjoys watching sphincters getting opened to the point of having the ability to drop a goddamn disco ball in it but you need to STAHP IT.

    • ThatDamnPaul

      ^^^^^^ THIS!!!!! I do not need to see your entire intestinal tract while getting my rocks off. Instant boner killer.

    • Yaya

      YES!!!! I hate looking at gaping anuses! I lamost want to put a plunger in there to make it stop.

    • Niccochi

      When they have the nerve to spit inside there I’m just disgusted. Did you really just spit in another person? I’ll be done for the whole night! Instant bed time.

      • Kasey Toomuchcoffeeboi Tucker

        Ugh and especially when you can damn near hear the “cavernous breathing” of said gaping hole!!!

        • LadyCant

          CAVERNOUS. BREATHING.

          • Yaya

            See Way too many people in here are the perfect mix of intelligent and aintshyt. A fucked up azz ying and yang.

            • Kasey Toomuchcoffeeboi Tucker

              That is the greatest description of “yall” I’ve ever read in here!

              • DameloSuave

                Umm…’yall?” Like you don’t lead the brigade…

                • Yaya

                  Heffa leads the pipes and drumsin this bitch..talkin about “yall”

      • me

        Some women like this…gaping and spitting that is. Guess a solo queefing conversation is off the table.

  • vanessa197676

    Spitting. Really, not needed. Especially not on crotches. Stop being so damned lazy and get her wet rather than trying to go in too soon.

    • TracyTrips

      UGHHHH someone is always harkin spit on a twat STOP!

      • wendy

        I hate that from the bottom of my feet. Or when a penis gets phlegmed on. I’m like, why?

    • http://www.twitter.com/justlikecandyb Candace

      I’ve seen some where they let it ooze down like a stream on that bad boy. That mess is utterly disgusting.

      • me

        You were up voted because of the way you said that. I’m gonna leave it that.

        • http://www.twitter.com/justlikecandyb Candace

          LMAO!

  • Heather_A

    The lizard kiss. No human being kisses with their tongues touching all out of pocket like that. That is just the nastiest, most unattractive, unnatural ish in the history of ever. I will cease the schlick and change the entire fng website for that. Just… UGH, bytch.

    Ugh.

    ~Quinn

  • vanessa197676

    Having the woman suck on the dudes toes while he’s banging from behind. Nacho Vidal and Steve Holmes like to do that bullshit. Feet are gross and I don’t need to see them in the scene in that capacity.

    • me

      Ma’am, you’ve never seen the back of your head with a serious crook in your back and face turned to the side on a surface. Shit happens and you go with it.

      • vanessa197676

        Yeah, I can’t go with that. Feet freak me out.

  • Yaya

    I hate fake breasts. There’s just nothing that turns me on about painful looking boobs AT aLL.

  • Unckle_Ruckus

    The fake dirty talk and degradation of the person you’re with. “Dirty whore” just doesn’t work for me. The slapping, donkey punching, and fish hooking doesn’t do it either. If your woman’s makeup looks like the Joker on a good day, you’re not having sex, you’re into torture.

    • vanessa197676

      Yeah, and those scenes usually have the man trying to spit in her mouth too. Blergh!!!!!

  • http://www.twitter.com/justlikecandyb Candace

    Razor bumps…I can’t stand watching porn and the chicks has all types of razor bumps or scarring near and around their vajayjay’s. It looks like a gaggle of STD infections and I’m not here for it.

    • JustSlaus

      that’s why i pretty much stick with the homemade amateur stuff…

      UGH at the cretins in their socks… or boots..wearing sunglasses so we can’t identify them but they have a big ass tattoo with MAN-MAN Jenkins on their back

    • Omelette!

      Yes, what is that with the socks? I thought it was an American thing, mind you, most porn is.

  • wendy

    The cumshots to the face. It seems so rude and disrespectful. Just swallow. I do.

  • Omelette!

    Fisting. Up to the elbow. I just don’t get it.

    • imagination1919

      when a big Dack isn’t big enough….

      • Omelette!

        I know, and they’re all “Ooooooh!” when what they’re really doing is convulsing surely?

        • me

          I like bi lesbians…that are in relationships which allow them safe penis vs. strap ons all the time. Some get fisted by their partners…it is a thing here I guess. It’s only an open window if she doesn’t like you.

  • Troy Frazier

    Ladies, I disagree with Slaus. Every vagina IS beautiful.

    • JustSlaus

      NOPE! Some of those shyts look like a roadside explosive went off in their uterus creating the most awful exit wound ever…..in all of ever.

      • Yaya

        crotch full of turkey wattle

        • LadyCant

          Get the fuck out, Yaya.

          *slides under my work desk to die*

          • Yaya

            tell me you aint seen some underlips lookin like pastrami

      • Omelette!

        I like Hippos and you’re turning them into vajfaced nightmares.
        Is nothing sacred?

      • me

        You can find the beauty. The extra meat…slathered in my special sauce. I like to eat the special ones after I prepare them. Shat will get you stalked.

  • Sunnii Dae

    Open.
    Hippo.
    Mouth.
    ___/___^__/__^__/_____________*DEAD*

    • Yaya

      Apparently, you haven’t met Tracy up there…^^^^

  • http://www.blackenoughsomeday.blogspot.com Kera

    Ok…sooo…yeah Im just going to say this and I dont need anyone judging me…I hate when a guy is going in on a shemake and the shemale cupss his/her goods so they cant be seen…ok like thats the whole point of watching a dude with a shemale is because there is ballz and boobage at the same time…why are you hiding it? If that was the case Id just watch a really big chick get dacked down…right? Right?…foeget ch’all

    • Omelette!

      I’m normally too busy looking at the make up…

    • JustSlaus

      ::sprays you with lysol ::

      • http://www.blackenoughsomeday.blogspot.com Kera

        Hey at least they don’t gargle cock snot :-P

    • LadyCant

      We here Kera! ^5

  • The Lurkasaurus Rex

    Honestly, when they go into weird-azz positions that are ONLY for the benefit of the camera…nawl, son. Don’t move me At. All.

    Anything involving a man doing squats or a woman propped up on her neck and elbows…? tha fugg outta here wit’ that boolshyt…