‘go ask that box of white bytches for some ass!’ Apparently our shoebox post ruined lives.

Last week we posted a story for the Men’s Roundtable where we discussed when was the appropriate time to get rid of  the “Ass Stash“- the box of old pictures and memorabilia of past sexual conquests you enjoyed.Well I knew a few people would be upset about the post and we all joked about it possibly causing some people a world of trouble as well as making some folks go in search of the Pandora’s Box but….. who knew that shyt was actually going to happen.

Like…for real, for real.

welpFemale readers abound went in search of the hated box and a few of you found exactly what you really didn’t want to find. WHY you went searching for it is beyond me. You are probably the same kind of people who need to smell the fart when someone says: ooooh I pooted, and your ass is like: SNIFF SNIFF: ugh you did. Silly asses. Seriously… that was about the stupidest shyt in all of ever and you know what? You know what you jaggle mouth heffa you? I have no sympathy for you. Nope.. not nan. Ladies that’s about the dumbest shyt since dudes who ask a woman;” how many partners she has had.” Bytch you don’t want to know her answer! You don’t really want to know about all the other cocks that ventured deep below( deeper than you by 4-5 inches even)! No number is going to be acceptable so what is the point of asking her? Just like you ladies who actually went searching for the ass stash, found it, then want to be mad about it.  Ugh.

And fellaz, Don’t message us anymore all pissed off THAT you got busted.  YOU are the one that kept the shyt, YOU deal with the consequences. YOU Silly bytch you. No one here at OHN is feeling sorry for you. None of us.

But… we did quite enjoy your angry ass messages.  Here are some of my favourites.

 

“… Y’all some some f*cking f*ggot-ass b*tches for that Ass Stash post. Why would you crab-ass n*ggas write that stupid shit. My girl went looking through all my sneaker boxes and found the one with all my shit in it. All because of you f*gs…. ”
ruby_rod
“Slaus I gotta tell you, man. That shoebox post had me scrambling! I had to have my brother come get my trunk of goodies and keep it at his house where he put it in his u-haul storage later.  Man that shit was like: “RED ALERT! RED ALERT!”  ***** (wife) came up to me the next day talking about:”I know you better not still have a box of ex lover shit in this house.” Thanks to getting it out of there, I was able to tell the truth to her. Because I technically DON’T have a box of stuff in THIS house. I just had to tell you this because I knew you would get a kick out of it.”
gus_ani

” Dear OHN, Thank you for the Shoebox post featured in the Men’s Roundtable. I went searching and I found my man’s special trinkets. It was interesting to see the different kinds of women he found special enough to hold onto. Lot’s of beautiful voluptuous black women. Which is interesting since I’m white and so is he. I won’t ever tell him that I found his box of prizes but I find it really eye opening to say the least. Not sure if I should feel very inadequate or wonder if he married me to make his family happy.”
dat-ass

Found my man’s special box. About a hundred pictures of him with white women. When he comes asking me for some ass later I will hand his box to him and tell him to “ask this box of white bitches for some ass.” ” Ask that box of bitches to wash your clothes for you.”  I’m not going to do that but I will sure be thinking it. least he had good taste in white girls and not the typical fat ones you see brothers with all the time.”
oohh
Dear Slaus, I loved the Roundtable post about the Box of sexual conquests from a person’s past and to let you know, I’m a female. We women have our own boxes of items from lovers past and I will guarantee you that more of us have them than not. It’s nice to be able to look back to times where someone made you feel special and loved. Days when you feel down and need a pick me up. I sincerely it’s healthy.
hey_girl2
Slaus. “Whilst” ( as you’ve got me saying now) doing some spring cleaning this past weekend to surprise my wife before she got back in town, I dusted off my old ass stash and took a stroll down memory lane. Of course though I accidentally found HER Dicklopedia as well.It was filled with letters and pictures of her with NBA and football n*ggas and some with other chicks and the aforementioned football and NBA n*ggas. Well watching sports is now ruined for me lol.
wtf

Wow.. some ol shyt popped off from all of this it seems.

Sheeeeeesh

Slaus
When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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comments

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  • Karl Kdsmooth Day

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my bad slaus! lolololol

  • Chidiva

    “ask this box of white bitches for some ass.”whoever wrote this is my new spirit animal

    • JustSlaus

      All I know is ” go ask that box of white bytches” is about to my rebuttal for everything about anything at all times.

      • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

        Aren’t you a little bit sad that she won’t actually be doing it? I am. I mean, I know everybody can’t always be ain’t shit BUT I just want to be a fly on the wall when the wave of confusion followed by terror washes over his face and then out of his bootyhole…

        • Yaya

          When you get someone with that much fear/confusion/diarrhea face on their face, it’s so damn euphoric.

        • DameloSuave

          I really want her to say it & record it – post that ish on youtube…even Worldstar lol

  • me

    My shit is at my Momma’s house and I ain’t even married. If I do get married…we’ll have a shelf for both of our boxes. I wouldn’t give a damn about her Dackopedia…she chose mine for the long haul.

    • rmc_futurephd

      This^ its called being secure in yourself.

    • Baegatha Christie

      #HeyBoo

    • Yaya

      your self confidence made me buy a shamwow. Me and Twink want to tag team. holla!

    • CaraQ

      You GO! I love it!

  • Fadematic

    Meh, I can’t create a stash to begin with. I seriously just burn or toss out things from past relationships cause I find no use into holding onto to stuff from somebody you wrote out your life.

    • DB Ruberto

      I’m with you here… why hold on to that?

      • Fadematic

        Good memories always come with the bad. Can’t even listen to Coldplay’s X/Y to this day without wanting to curse my ex girlfriend out.

    • Omelette!

      nope, never have, never will. Over is over. They are remembered only in my immune system.

      • DB Ruberto

        RIGHT! I made that mistake ONCE (going back). F’ck that.

  • Troy Frazier

    See. Y’all ain’t shit.

    • DameloSuave

      Here goes that ‘yall’ again…like you’re excluded

      • Troy Frazier

        I’m just an occasional observer here. I’m just here for material for my thesis.

        • DameloSuave

          You ain’t got ta lie Craig…

  • Final Girl

    Thank you for the Ruby Rhod gif. Someone needs to invent shirts that play gifs so I can wear that.

    • Lately25

      Shirts where you can change the .gif to suit your mood at the time…. I think we might be on to something here!

  • hexacorde

    Welp.

  • Guest

    I wouldn’t even be mad I think if he was upfront that he had it and as long as he was cool with me keeping mine. We are together now after all and the past is the past. Now unless you attempt to go back any further than looking at pics and letters…we are good.

  • DanceMagicDance

    [URL=http://s1038.photobucket.com/user/SesshoumarusPriestess/media/tumblr_lvq9j5mIAN1r4ghkoo1_500_zps16c804be.gif.html][IMG]http://i1038.photobucket.com/albums/a466/SesshoumarusPriestess/tumblr_lvq9j5mIAN1r4ghkoo1_500_zps16c804be.gif[/IMG][/URL]

  • http://Www.facebook.com/bomb.shit.shannon Erikilla

    I can’t stop laughing at the dude calling you “Crab ass n****’s” wow.

    • bb ragusa (the medium ragu)

      I feel like he’s so angry because he got told “I’m fucking your cousin Rayquaon ANYWAY”…

  • Baegatha Christie

    Am I the only one that REALLY wants to know where that first .gif is from??

    • Dr. Fabulous

      YouTube: Supa Hot Fire. I kept seeing the gif around and had to find it. Straight hilarious!

  • Djodeci Unsanged

    Nobody should use “f*gs” that much in a post about him and his girl/wife/woman/whatevaheffa/etc..smmfh Dudes so insecure.

  • SKTheKid

    See, *somebody* told y’all to hide that shyt in your wheel well like it was dope, but noooooooo…negroes wanna do they own thing.

  • hexacorde

    Guys out there seeing that post like..

    http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/ktla.jpg

    • Yaya

      I’m so mad at how scared he was and he’s probably from California.

  • Yaya

    ” least he had good taste in white girls and not the typical fat ones you see brothers with all the time.”

    made me snort so loud! it’s funny because it’s true.

    • JustSlaus

      Thank you.. i thought it was just me who was like: OOoOooooOOooooooooo

      • Yaya

        I almost yelled “oooh she’s talkin about yo momma…” all instigator

        • JustSlaus

          I read that line and was like..
          http://replygif.net/i/870.gif

          • CaraQ

            I was popping my gum, talmbout “Yeah, them palefaces!” like a 90′s hypeman!

  • LadyCant

    *HOLLERING* WTF is wrong with people? Half of them probably went looking for it thinking that THEIR partner wouldn’t dare do that ish….only to find the shyt.

    Stupid for looking, stupid for keeping w/o disclosure or Fort Knoxing that mofo. Whoo, I can’t wait to get home so I can make me a drank and re-read this ish…

    • Karl Kdsmooth Day

      i heard a wise man say once….”hide that ish like dope”. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

    • CaraQ

      I look because I shouldn’t find ish… but that was in the past. Now the rule is don’t EVER give me a reason to FEEL I should look. Because that means something’s going wrooooong! *sings and shimmies*
      (Plus, there’s one or two of them heffas I don’t like and for GP, you caint keep none of that ish in MY house. Sorry. [/long story])

  • Chocl8t

    I don’t understand the anger though. Nor do I understand the mentality of women who go looking for isht to be angry about…just looking to be miserable for no damn reason? If “memories” and memorabilia is a threat to you and your relationship/marriage, then YOU have issues. You’re an insecure and emotionally unstable wench that needs to be alone.

    • CaraQ

      Who wants to know that they are second choice, though? Because that’s what it seems like some folk found out. *sips*

      • Chocl8t

        Second choice? Well hell if neither of you are virgins when you meet and marry then you’re more than likely someone’s second, third, 99th choice. Who the fvck cares if YOU are the FINAL DESTINATION? Oh, I forget…some insecure and emotionally unstable wench. LOL

    • BSmuv

      I luvs me some you, we need to stop playing and just make this official. Have your people call my people and send ovah the damn papers.
      http://i1192.photobucket.com/albums/aa321/bsmuv/Meme_-_Clapping_zps0e09b54b.gif

  • Cyndilyn71

    MAYNE, I haven’t laughed this hard in a while! Your “ask your box of White bitches for some ass” quip nearly sent me to to glory!
    #REAL TEARS

  • iamtmonie

    “Lot’s of beautiful voluptuous black women. Which is
    interesting since I’m white and so is he…Not sure if I should feel very inadequate or wonder if he married
    me to make his family happy.”

    Both.

    • Chidiva

      Ma’am,You read my mind.

      • iamtmonie

        My ex is white and his first marriage was to a white lady. They got divorced then he got a taste of the Motherland and didn’t leave for almost 20 years. All his friends and his women were Black. I was wife #3, white, black, black.

        Then he started hanging out with a white dude from his high school, reminiscing and shyt. Super redneck dude. He realized he couldn’t bring me around to the effing tractor pull and left my ass for a white girl.

        But believe you me, I have NO doubt, he gets lost in thought and hears those drums start playing, calling him back to the Motherland. It was good and he will never, EVER forget it.

        • Janet Eckford

          I had to pinch my nose to make it look like I was having allergy issues because of the real tears in my eyes. REAL TEARS!

        • Chidiva

          My hubs is still salty once he realised he can’t take me tractor pulls,nascar races or the mayonnaise festival.

          • iamtmonie

            Mayo festival? LMAO!!!!!

          • Beffa

            heffa the mayonnaise festival?

            *in tears*

          • Yaya

            bish you neeed to go >>>>>>

        • Yaya

          You really said “tractor pull” didn’t you?!? ” *dies*

  • notconvincedgranny

    Seek and ye shall find…don’t hate when ya do, just produce your own and compare. If you’re looking for tithes, I’ll give you a tenth of a damn.

    • flatline

      I’m gonna have to borrow that tithe line

  • Riley_Free_Man

    This shyt is HIGH-LARRY-US!

  • Unckle_Ruckus

  • The Lurkasaurus Rex

    This is that dude that read the blog and was like “ain’t talmbout me

    [URL=http://gifsoup.com/view/2309791/woman-x-man.html][IMG]http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2309791/woman-x-man-o.gif[/IMG][/URL] [URL=http://gifsoup.com]GIFSoup[/URL]

    • hexacorde

      She found his lack of faith disturbing..

  • Jonesey

    BWAH! Love it… see, if knowing about past affairs is enough to send your relationship crash & burn – it probably should’ve. *shrugs* Ion’t see a problem here.

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I dunno what i'm putting here yet. It'll be something ignorant though.
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