Question: What is your: ‘I should probably be dead’ moment.

Life is a truly splendid thing it is. Even in it’s horrible moments, those times truly do help define us as people if we are strong enough to make it through to the other side. Yes I truly believe that. I do.   Also? Nothing makes you appreciate life more than nearly having that shyt snatched away from you by some freak accident or circumstance that for all intent and purposes, probably could and should have been your final moments on this here plane of existence. Lord know I have a FEW!


Here is one such tale….

Back when I lived in Detroit, my older brother’s friend: Bryan, was sick and tired of being bullied and jumped on by one of the local thugs. It was Detroit so there were lots of thugs to choose from, but the one Bryan especially hated was that fool: Pookie. I’m not even lying…his name was Pookie..Pook Dawgs what they called him.

Anyway, we were walking from Grand river up Ward street when of course as always, Pookie ‘n nem were chilling on the corner doing whatever it is n*ggas did on the corner in the mid 80’s. I was like 11 so I had no idea. Pookie started picking with and pushing Bryan when all of a sudden Bryan took out a gun and pointed it at Pookie who stood there like it meant nothing. I remember Pookie doing a “what chu gone do with THAT, lil Nigga” monologue session for what felt like an eternity whilst Bryan’s hands shook from fear, the weight of the gun and or the weight of the consequences of this action.  I remember Pookie saying something about the fact that the next time he saw Bryan, he was gonna kill Bryan and his family and that’s when that loud POP POP POP went off from the gun. I ran as fast as my lil fat- ass could muster with my brother ahead of me telling me to come on! I was following him as fast as I could but like Lot’s wife, I couldn’t help but turn to look behind me to see just what had happened. I saw Bryan standing there over Pookie and Pookie laying in the street twitching.

There would be no reprisals from Pookie. He would not appear in the next issue.

When we finally got to the alley where we were “safe”, I remember my brother; Ken pointing at me and yelling if i was ok. I didn’t understand why he was freaking out at the time but when I looked myself over, I saw Blood rushing down my arm.  I was shocked! I looked to my arm to see why I was bleeding only for me to discover  that I had a gash under my arm. I had been Grazed by one of the bullets. church lady faint I remembered that I was in fact behind Pookie like a fool when they were talking which has to be the dumbest place to be at a time like that…behind the person who is the target. I also recalled when the shots started, i DID feel a burning sensation on my arm but I was so scared at the time, all I wanted to do was run.

I still have the scar from that ish.

We never told our parents what happened because we weren’t supposed to even be out of the backyard whilst our parents were at work.  But soon as our great grandma took a nap, we hit the streets.

Not only did i see a kid become a killer that day, and another kid killed….. that was almost MY last day on this damn earth.

That’s not even my only or worst story like that. Between the ages of 3 and 30, I have been nearly dead so many damn times. So many “that coulda ended differently” moments that  have made me wanna buy myself a hallmark card and some chocolates n shyt. Wooooo Lord.

None of them compare to the damn scary Irish girl. But that’s a story for another day.

What’s your: “I shoulda been dead ” moment…

When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.


  1. Chemcutie says

    Driving on a busy 4 lane highway, going 70mph, with bald tires… the rain. Car hit a puddle and started spinning. Spun from the left lane all the way across to the merge lane on the right, all the while seeing the whites of several peoples eyes who were also driving 70mph and trying to avoid hitting me. I saw parts of my life flash before my eyes and I had accepted the fact that I was going to die. My car finally stopped perfectly on the shoulder, having not fallen onto the underpass below. And get this……not a single car crashed or got scratched. Right after I caught my breath, the sun came out.

    • notconvincedgranny says

      That’s what we used to call rollin on maypops – tires may pop at any moment. Somebody was looking out for you.

  2. Hautie says

    My death defy moments have always been over driving.

    Cement trucks, rock haulers, flat bed trailers hauling heavy machinery. I am on constant alert for those assholes. All of the brutal, life ending wrecks locally, have been caused by those 3 type of vehicles. My county has been “under highway construction” for 18 friggin years! It is a nightmare of awful driving here, daily.

    So image my horror when I saw this little dash cam video.

    I nearly piddle my pants just watching it.

    This is my worst nightmare coming true. The driver of that 2 ton cement RAN THAT RED LIGHT! Just flat out ran the light!

  3. notconvincedgranny says

    Dating someone who managed an apartment complex in a less than savory part of town. Well, some people decided to use the permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know the difference between firecrackers and gunfire, rolled out of bed and tried to roll to another dimension. After the dust settled, police had left and crowd dispersed, we went back to his apartment – and found two bullet holes, just above the headboard. Kinda changed the relationship.

    Being held as collateral by a pimp is another story for another time.

  4. Lefty_Stiletto says

    almost went through the windshield in a car crash, almost been shot at, had a gun held to my head by a off duty cop, almost had a half ton of frozen foods fall on me from 15 feet at work; last time was when a girl decided to run a red light well after it turned and I looked up from phone just in time before crossing street. I would have been road pizza.

  5. says

    I have many, but I’ll go with the shortest story. I had just come out of White Castle with my food and drink at about 2:00am, when I got caught in a three-car drive-by shooting. I looked up and all I saw were moving guns. The sound of the guns firing in front of me and the bullets bouncing off the wall behind me scared and confused me so bad that I kept running around in a circle before I finally kneeled behind a car. Remarkably, I did not get hit that time, AND I did not drop my food or spill my drink.

      • says

        It was actually three cars of White guys shooting at random Black guys. This was in 1981, before most brothers had guns. Me and my boy led a convoy of cars chasing them until we remembered that all we had was a bat and a chain, so catching them wasn’t a great idea. It was a life altering experience though, ’cause by that fall my three buddies who were with me had enlisted in the military and I went back to college.

      • says

        I’ve been shot at on several occasions. Once I got grazed three times. The second shot caught my side, and when I bent over and grabbed my side. The third shot went across my back and hit my shoulder blade. Had the second shot missed me and I not bent over the third shot would have hit me in the chest. Hedge of protection in affect.

    • DameloSuave says

      Because you’re alive, I didn’t feel quite as bad when I laughed at the imagery this produced in my head of you running in a circle…

  6. Omelette! says

    I once almost fell into the supermarket freezer while reaching for a bag of peas…. What?

    • Muse says

      LOL, you win for the Most Undignified Near-Death Award. News at 11…supermarket customer dies in freak frozen peas accident.

      • Omelette! says

        …however I go, I know it’s going to be something random, ridiculous and without any vestige of dignity; I shall die as I have lived.

  7. HaStyle says

    When I was young, about 14 or 15, I used to sell subscriptions to news papers door to door in various neighborhoods. So I had a lot of curse words thrown my way and door slammed in my face.

    But one day some guy thought just telling me off was not enough. I was in an apartment complex doing my door to door thing, when some guy pops up, extremely mad. Apparently I woke him up r something and he was very eager to inform me that there are no soliciting signs posted and I had to leave. I did that laugh that people do when they really don’t care what you’re talking about, the one where you breath and laugh at the same time followed by “Alright whatever man.”

    I didn’t know 2 very important things at the time, the first was that he was drunk and the second was that he had a gun. So I just go outside and meet my partner in the next building which he perceived as me ignoring and disrespecting him. So he comes busting out of the building and puts what seemed like the biggest gun ever created dead in my face and is screaming that he told us we had to leave. And I believe the verbal exchange we had damn near got me killed.

    Him: “I’m a cop, when I tell you leave you leave. You’re disobeying an officer”

    Me: “So… where’s your badge?”

    H:”You see this gun? Where’s your ID?”

    M: *hands over ID*

    H: “How old are you?”

    M: “Man, you’re the one with my ID”

    H: “Did you drive here?”

    M: “Does that look like a license Officer?”

    H: “I ought to just put a bullet in your…”

    Then a lady I had sold a paper to ran out and said she had my supervisor on the phone and the cops where her next call. She saved my life cause I have no idea why I was talking that much shit.

  8. 007diva says

    I was struck by lightening. Real bad storm was going on and i was taking my windchimes down. The minute I grabbed them thats when it hit. Everything went quiet and bright white. The people in the cars on the street just knew I was dead the way I was laying there. After a few minutes I got up dazed and confused to the fire dept and an ambulance and my husband crying. Rest assured when it rains now I sit my ass down somewhere.

  9. Mr. After Dark says

    Had a bout of really bad food poisoning as a teen. Hospitalized so they could flush my system and restore fluids. I’m lying in the bed, a nurse comes in to start an IV drip. She sticks the needle, attaches a bag of something… My entire body goes rigid and bone straight. My pulse crashes and I can see my skin turning blue. Every muscle I can still feel is locked and screaming, it feels like a steamroller is on me, like i’m being crushed by the hand of God.
    A cold wave washes up from my legs and it’s going quiet fast…

    I could still see. Amidst the rushing around and the faint beeping, my mom is threatening this woman’s life while the rest of the nurses are saving mine. It felt like forever before they switched the line and got me stable again. I’ve almost died several times in my life, but this was the first time I’d actually seen Death’s shadow climbing over me. Had that cold gotten to my chest you’d have never known me.

  10. omegawon says

    I used to have this heavy ass thrift shop living room set. The couch and the love seat meet in a corner, which left a square of open space. Home alone, gaming, wife and kids are out of town. Dropped the remote in the corner. Brace my leg against the couch and lean waaay over to get it. Feet start slipping on the hardwood floor. I slowly slid headfirst into the corner with one arm under me and one arm pinned to my side. I had no leverage, so I had to wiggle my body FOREVER until I finally got the chair to move enough for me to fall out sideways. I don’t know exactly how long I was in that corner, but it was long enough that I almost passed out. I was afraid the the family was going top come home and find me dead. Wouldn’t that have been done funny shit!?! I know that shit don’t sound that serious, and whenever.i tell this story, nobody believes me, but I really was stuck. I was bruised up, eyes were bloodshot. I crawled into the couch and passed out!

  11. HappyStina says

    Doesn’t seem like much but now that I’m older I realize the danger I put myself in. I used to hitch hike alllllllllll the damn time. I would only catch rides with men over 21 so they could buy me alcohol. I was like 14-15 at the time!

  12. FubsyNumbles says

    I was offered the sofa too sleep after having one too many jolly drinks one night. It was a blindingly warm night, and everyone was asleep. Predictably, I felt nauseous. I wanted out, and I wanted out NOW – to get some air before my stomach lining became their new carpet. Being the English gent I am, however, I didn’t want to wake them – and the problem with that was the gate that laid beyond the front door. The gate that was locked and which I’d need to wake someone up, then explain myself, in order to get access to. Didn’t wanna do that – that seemed like a ludicrous idea.

    So I hit upon a splendid, wizzo plan. The flat was on the 1st floor. Easy. I’ll just open the window, slide myself slowly out, hold onto the ledge and drop the remaining four or five feet. No problem. A much better idea than waking someone up to get a key and walk out of the place using my talking and walking skills.

    Window opened? Check. Slide onto the ledge? Check. Grip the ledge and drop the remaining few feet? Nope. Fell the entire way, onto a concrete ground, landing just inches from some railings topped with lovely spiky shapes that could have presented me up like a human kofta, a latterday sacrifice to the god Bacchus.

    Funny thing is, I got up and was perfectly fine. I started walking home. I didn’t, however, see the flattened cardboard box that would actually be my downfall, about 1/2 mile into my walk. Slipped on it, fell, and had to take the next couple of days off work with back pain.

  13. DameloSuave says

    There was that time I was mugged in Brooklyn, and there could have easily been a body found in the park the next day, but I’m still here.

    And then I was hit by a car (I believe he was drunk – ran a red light). He hit the front of my car, just at the tire; had I tried to swerve or accelerated a little faster, he would’ve t-boned me

  14. Yaya says

    Robbed at gunpoint at one of my jobs and the ocean just about dragged me out off the side of a cliff, if it handn’t been for my homegirl who’s built like Paul Bunyan.

  15. says

    The beauty of being in the Army is the the fact that I could tell so many different stories about almost dying…Like the time a mortar round crashed through our sleep barracks roof and thank God we had just put mattresses on the cots because it cushioned enough to keep the round from blowing us all to bits…or the time we had to convoy through Iraq and a guy on a bridge was trying to drop a bomb on us but the wires got caught up on the ledge and he blew himself up instead…or maybe I could tell about the time a helicopter I was in was would have been blown out the sky if the shooter on the ground would have aimed, literally, two more inches to the left and hit the blade motor…have you ever gotten out of a helicopter and saw where bullets bounced off? The best was the day I looked up in the sky and watched 5 RPGs fly over my head and had to execute an about face and haul ass haul my ass in the opposit direction…

    I thank God for my life (and sanity) every day I open my eyes…I am greatful he gave me the ability to aim, run a little faster, drive a little slower/faster, keep my head down…andso on and so forth