Black Folk’s Cookout playlist – without some of these songs, you lose your black pass.

Dear White people.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July and mayhaps you have been invited to a cook-out or two. If you are really a special person of little melanin, you may have been invited to a “black friend’s” cookout if you’re lucky. Now before you start celebrating the fact that you are officially a “cool-ass white person” that black people love, you need to know just how Black this friend of yours is.

I’m going to give a litmus test in which to gauge the level of their blackness.

Crowds Flock To Notting Hill For 2010 Carnival

If you go to a “Black friend’s” cookout, and they don’t play at least 10-15 of the songs on this playlist, your friend is not really all that black.  They probably make fried chicken with cornflakes rather than flour….or they don’t eat fried chicken at all. Yeah.. one of THOSE types.

These friends had better play at least one Earth Wind and Fire, Frankie Beverly and Maze,Stevie Wonder,  Gap Band or any other song that somehow and someway has Charlie Wilson in it or early Michael Jackson. And if every time one of these songs come on they don’t stop in mid conversation and say: “Ohhhhhh this is my sonnnng” or ” Ohhh shit” those Blacks folks aren’t Black. They might be African American…but they aren’t black.

ol faking ass fake negroes.

 

Hell if you want to impress the shyt out of some Black friends who are coming to your cookout, play one of these songs…. matter of fact play THIS song…

You play that song and YOU will be welcomed into the pantheon of Blackness.

black_people_love_me_500-500x500

Not only does every single Black person ever born or ever will be born love this song…. we all know how to play it on the Bass. even if we have never touched a Bass even if we can’t play any other song on any instrument. Bytch we know how to play this one.  Put a Bass in your Black friend’s hand and see if they don’t just bust out with: Doon-doon-doon-doooooondoon-doon. 5 black folks read that right there and started dancing in their seat, bytch. I’m not even lying….

I don’t care if you are broke or the President of the Secret Society of Bourgeois negroes…. you KNOW the song: Before I let go.

Jussaying… that song is the shyt.

Have a great 4th of July, hookers!

Slaus
When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

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Comments

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  • Les

    Take out That’s The Way Love Goes and add Summertime (for the Philly People)… you got a list!

    • JustSlaus

      No because the brothers have to talk about how they would have konged Janet since Different Stroke to today

      • Guest

        Was in Philly 3 weeks a go and summertime came on as I ate a hoagie and my drink from WaWa and I felt like I had seen Haley’s comet. It was perfect

        • ToodySezHey

          I miss Wawa hoagies :(

          • rmc_futurephd

            Me too. I need to go home (Philly) soon.

    • Yaya

      Was in Philly 3 weeks a go and summertime came on as I ate a hoagie and my drink from WaWa and I felt like I had seen Haley’s comet. It was perfect.

      • Les

        That’s the way it should feel. Lol!

      • Sunnii Dae

        Wawa HoagieFest in full effect!! Now, all I need is a TastyKake and a Tahitian Treat.

        • notconvincedgranny

          No you didn’t say Tahitian Treat! That and a red Nehi and it’s a party! I had to explain to the kids that Nehi had Grape, Orange, and Red. They remained unable to wrap their heads around Red as a flavor – ’til I took them home to Arkansas and introduced my urban babies to shade trees that aren’t in a park, real heat in the middle of a storm, followed by sitting on the porch with a Red Nehi in a GLASS bottle. Almost couldn’t bring them back to California.

        • rmc_futurephd

          I will never forget the first time I moved out of PA. I was getting my Masters at Michigan State and I remember packing my suitcase with Butterscotch Kramer because I knew I wouldn’t be able to get them in the mid west. TastyKake is a little piece of home.

          • DB Ruberto

            LOLZ! I used to bribe my friend who went to Penn St to bring TastyKakes up for our football games…

            • rmc_futurephd

              I went to Penn State as well, lol.

    • Omelette!

      Can we add Phyllia Hyman’s You Know How to Love Me?

  • Ariel

    I am totally going to listen to every song on this list now simply because I have them. Thanks for helping me to hinder my productivity a little longer. ‘ppreciate ya!

    • Omelette!

      Me too!!!!

  • http://www.monaliscurls.com/ Monalisacurls

    *plays the ish outta that bass right now* and imagines Auntie Pearlymae shookin’ and jive’n to it!! -Heyyyyyy!!!

    • http://www.monaliscurls.com/ Monalisacurls

      [URL=http://s869.photobucket.com/user/pnutbuta7/media/tumblr_mfzihbkMjY1qc4cp9o1_250_zpsbf56344b.gif.html][IMG]http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab251/pnutbuta7/tumblr_mfzihbkMjY1qc4cp9o1_250_zpsbf56344b.gif[/IMG][/URL]

      • http://www.monaliscurls.com/ Monalisacurls

        And if somebody’s aunt and/or uncle doesn’t start doing this to one of the songs mentioned…you ain’t at a black cookout!

        [URL=http://s869.photobucket.com/user/pnutbuta7/media/smooth-swagger-dance_zpsb54541c0.gif.html][IMG]http://i869.photobucket.com/albums/ab251/pnutbuta7/smooth-swagger-dance_zpsb54541c0.gif[/IMG][/URL]

  • Lately25

    Dear Melanin Challenged Friend,

    If you play ‘Before I Let Go’ AND start off the line dance to go with it… We may just hand you a gray card, not a full black one… But a gray one, which says ‘Dammit his skin is holding him back, but close enough!’

  • Jill Davis

    • Jill Davis

      Hollywood Swinging..Anything by the OJays

  • Yaya

    Because all the elements BITCH!

  • Rhonda Napier-Phillips

    You will here these at a cook out my children give. They’re 33, 28 and 23. My babies be jammin! Yes!

  • Birma DoctorWife Gainor

    *comes out of lurk* No lie, I created a DISQUS account just because I cannot believe Atomic Dog is not on this list. *cries*

  • DanceMagicDance

    Um…forgetting Marvin are we? I know this gets played at my gathering even if

    mayonnaise americans are invited. Sexual Healing/Let’s Get it On.

  • The Lurkasaurus Rex

    The Cook-Out Pull List

    Earth, Wind, and Fire and Ramsey Lewis – Sun Goddess

    Kool & The Gang – Summer Madness

    Parliament – Mothership Connection

    George Duke – Reach For It

    Frankie Beverly and Maze – Joy and Pain

    Brothers Johnson – Strawberry Letter 23

    Willie Hutch – I Choose You

    Anthony Hamilton – Comin’ From Where I’m From

    Al Green – Love And Happiness

    Gary Clark Jr. – Bright Lights

    Miles Davis – All Blues

    Snarky Puppy and Lalah Hathaway – Something

    Prince – Housequake

    Average White Band – Love Your Life

    Faze-O – Riding High

    De La Soul – Me, Myself, and I

    John Coltrane – Cousin Mary

    Isley Brothers – Living For The Love of You

    Muddy Waters – Hoochie Coochie Man

    Ohio Players – Skintight

    ZZ Top – Jesus Just Left Chicago

    Repeat once. 3-4 solid hours of genuine backyard cookout music.

    Now raise a rib and tip out a beer for ya boy in Korea!

    • http://dontshootmessenger.blogspot.com/ JediReturns

      ^5 for the list. I’ve seen a brother stop a fight over a spades game by playing Sun Godess. It was all peace, love and 40′s after that.

    • notconvincedgranny

      Just the foot stomping intro to Love and Happiness will get everything started!

      • Omelette!

        That smile at 0.46

    • DB Ruberto

      You had me at “Strawberry Letter 23″…

  • notconvincedgranny

    After the first herd feeding, you have to play the long playing negro version of Marvin’s Got to Give it Up. After the second feeding and everyone is well fed, rested, and frankly toasted, it’s time for fireworks and Maze Golden Time of Day.

  • Hautie

    This one always makes me think of Summertime…. and drinking cocktails with the girls in the shade.. while the men BBQ….

  • Sunnii Dae

    And don’t forget the obligatory lecture from Uncle Floyd/Harold/Earl/Leroy.. etc..
    “Youdontknownuthinaboutthis!!!”

  • Sunnii Dae

    Whoa. Wait. Hold up? No “Brick House”? Even white folks will side-eye you if you don’t play play “Brick House”.

I dunno what i'm putting here yet. It'll be something ignorant though.
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