wandering-spider

A BRISTOL mum has revealed her shock after she found a bag of bananas her husband had bought from Tesco were infested with spiders – which are known to give men erections.

Maria Layton, 43, mum of Siri, aged six and Phoebe aged three, made the frightening discovery after opening the bag of bananas bought from Tesco.

The Tesco bananas were exported from Costa Rica – home of the world’s most dangerous spider – the Brazilian Wandering Spider aka Banana Spiders whose Greek name means “murderess”.

They are aggressive and venomous spiders which can lead to death and serious injury – including a painful four-hour erection. [source]

Bruh… let’s back some ish up right now.

Bruh.

– the Brazilian Wandering Spider aka Banana Spiders whose Greek name means “murderess“.

The Greek name on record for this spider leaves NOTHING to be misinterpreted or misconstrued. The official name of this damn spider is The Murderess. What more do you need to KNOW, planet Earth?!! There are spiders out there with names like “that which will fuck you up” and “The spotted you gone die, bitch”.

F everything about this spider.

And then that awful ass awful bytch: mother nature, decides to give this thing a side effect that would make a fool debate whether or not risking a bite is worth it. Because on one hand it’s like: Death. But on the other it’s: 4 hours of demon dick at your disposal.

Damn, Y’all. Decisions decisions.