What’s good O’Nawlins, it’s ya boy Phenom the Backseat Screener aka Always Bet on Blak, aka CineBlak Attack, Jack! aka who this fat nigga with his hand in your popcorn, extra butter brother. Let’s review As Above, So Below.
Warning: No Couths Ahead.
This gone be a short one. F—k this movie. They go to hell. Iono why white people want to go to hell, but heyyyyyyyyyellllllll nawl. Ya’ll can keep this upside down Jesus on the Cross ass film. Folk can take this found footage of blasphemy and go find yaself some God. I would like to one day ascend the earth to that big Trump Towers in the sky and this film ain’t helping. Scuse my grammar!
Oh, you need a synopsis. White girl uses her privileged pretty ass to coerce a group of people and one random black fool named Benji, like the dog, to go and “stumble” upon the devil’s doorstep entering the gates of hell to find the Philosopher’s Stone from Full Metal Alchemist, the anime (This is not a lie!!!). It’s a found footage version of The Descent, but not even remotely as good. Its 93 minutes of NeegaFaWhy.
None of it makes any damn sense. Most of the scares and weird stuff is unintentionally chuckle-some. And of course, being that it’s one of these new live footage (that is when they do found footage that hasn’t been found yet) shot films, when hell is happening you’re just left going “What the hell is happening?” It’s like National Treasure meets the Da Vinci Code meets The Descent meets Devil.
If you go see this, may the Lord be with you. I’m going to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to purchase some Holy Bath Salts from the Beyond section; a proper cleansing be needing be done.
Final Rating: 1 out of 5 Kill It with Fire and Pray over the Ashes