Darth Hater

/Slaus

About Slaus

When not responding to the dictate:" Will the Defendant Please Rise.." CEO and Creator of OHN;Slaus, is a comic illustrator and Social Media whore who spends his free time building legos, playing video games, drawing fantasy characters and being abused by his wife, two sons and cat.

They glued ass glued pubes on their FRIEND’S face!

I love practical jokes. I love a good practical joke as much as the next person who doesn't have any gatdamn good sense. You know...good jokes like jumping out from the dark yelling: BOo nigga boo! Letting the air out of someone's tires so they end up sleeping over and you end up having sex which was easier to do than just asking for sex. Or when you tell a guy it's his baby, collect child support like a slag ass slag then he finds out 20 years later: Psyche! Ya know.. jokes all in good fun. But this shyt right here? This is how friends become victims of a most horrible misunderstanding. In what’s got to be the worst makeover ever, Mark Longley from Crawley in Surrey, spent his bachelor party (also known as, stag do or buck’s night) with pubic hair literally glued to his face. Photos uploaded to Facebook by best man Steve West explain that the ~pube beard~ was made possible thanks to donations from Mark’s best friends. In addition to the man-made mask, Mark wore clown-shoes, was taped to a wheelchair, and was decorated with permanent marker. He was also given a cabbage “best friend” to hold on to at all times. source Let me just say [...]

By |2015-05-18T10:31:19-05:00May 18th, 2015|2015 Posts|3 Comments

Who hasn’t wanted to shyt on everything of an ex’s. Like…for real for real ass real.

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. —A family of four had a rude awakening Friday morning when the homeowner's ex broke in and defecated on several of the family's belongings, according to the Orange County Sheriff's Office. (Translation: THIS negro shit on em,son!!! He literally shit.ass.shit on them!) The victim was asleep at first, but at least one of the three children inside the home allegedly witnessed Michael Anthony Johnson, 27, of Apopka, break into the home and defecate on things, deputies said. (Translation: THEN one of the gatdamn babies woke up and witnessed this cretin doing the damn dookey all over the house! The baby woke up like Cindy Loo Who in the Grinch Stole Christmas n shyt! Oh the humanity, people!!) "The Fuck is he DOING?" Johnson is accused of defecating on the victim's bed sheets, a glass kitchen plate, a wallet and a dresser. (.......... this negroe shit on a plate. A damn Plate. THIS FOOL SHAT ON A PLATE!!! Who shyts on a plate!!?? It's one thing to shyt all over the house but.... shitting on a PLATE!??? That's just disrespectful as hale. Bruh.. you're a savage. That's the kind of ish you do when the devil is on your shoulder telling you to do things unhindered by the interfering [...]

By |2015-04-10T09:52:23-05:00April 10th, 2015|2015 Posts|4 Comments

Busting a nut in my coffee and living is what you’re not gonna do. bruh.

All week I have been thinking of something thought provoking for us to discuss this friday. Something that could be a preverbial meeting of the minds if you will. I had the whole idea worked out but then..... I heard about a bytch busting nuts in coffee and living to tell the tale. A man has been cleared of sexual assault charges after admitting he ejaculated into a female co-worker's coffee cup. (Cleared...of sexual assault...charges. Should he have hit her all in the forehead with his penis first??) John Robert Lind was originally charged with sexual assault, but a loophole in Minnesota law doesn't categorize his behavior as a sex crime, a judge ruled. (Man the law betta recognize! Dude jizzed in her coffee, man! He shot cock snot...in her coffee!!)  The victim, Pat Maahs, says she is fighting the ruling and hopes to close the loophole, which would require Lind to register as a sex offender. According to Maahs, she and Lind worked together for 14 years at Beisswengers hardware store in New Brighton, Minnesota.  Over the past six months, she noticed her coffee tasted funny. (ok..I laughed.) According to Maahs, she caught her co-worker at her desk and noticed a puddle of fluid.  That's when she realized what had been [...]

By |2015-04-02T20:50:52-05:00April 3rd, 2015|2015 Posts, Just Ignant|2 Comments

Who hasn’t wanted to send a bag of dicks to someone. Now ya can!

Ok to be fair they don't have to be enemies. They can be friends, family, countrymen whomever. Anyone whom you would like to anonymously receive a bag of dicks can now have just that happen. Dicks. All kinds of just..just dick. According to the company’s website, Dicks by Mail offers a service whereby you can send some edible dicks to “anyone in your life that deserves [a] feeling of sadness, disappointment and betrayal.” It goes on: “In only a few minutes you can send a literal Bag of Dicks to that special asshole in your life. You know the one. The annoying guy at the office. Your Ex who decided to see other people before telling you. The Teacher that doesn't care about your dead grandma. The person that murdered your grandma.” [source] Man I wish I had taken advantage of the dickatry before doing this post because I would have sent Bef and Ambz as much dick as dicks by mail could ship at once. I'd pay extra to have the dicks delivered whilst a singing telegram guy does a song and dance about the ish. "How many dicks could a Slausbytch ship, if a Slausbytch could ship dicks. " Why? Just because. Because I can. And because we live in a [...]

By |2015-03-19T20:47:03-05:00March 20th, 2015|2015 Posts|Comments Off on Who hasn’t wanted to send a bag of dicks to someone. Now ya can!

These spiders cause either death or 4 hour erections.

A BRISTOL mum has revealed her shock after she found a bag of bananas her husband had bought from Tesco were infested with spiders - which are known to give men erections. Maria Layton, 43, mum of Siri, aged six and Phoebe aged three, made the frightening discovery after opening the bag of bananas bought from Tesco. The Tesco bananas were exported from Costa Rica - home of the world's most dangerous spider - the Brazilian Wandering Spider aka Banana Spiders whose Greek name means "murderess". They are aggressive and venomous spiders which can lead to death and serious injury - including a painful four-hour erection. [source] Bruh... let's back some ish up right now. Bruh. - the Brazilian Wandering Spider aka Banana Spiders whose Greek name means "murderess". The Greek name on record for this spider leaves NOTHING to be misinterpreted or misconstrued. The official name of this damn spider is The Murderess. What more do you need to KNOW, planet Earth?!! There are spiders out there with names like "that which will fuck you up" and "The spotted you gone die, bitch". F everything about this spider. And then that awful ass awful bytch: mother nature, decides to give this thing a side effect that would make a fool debate [...]

By |2015-03-12T22:19:09-05:00March 13th, 2015|2015 Posts|Comments Off on These spiders cause either death or 4 hour erections.