I love practical jokes. I love a good practical joke as much as the next person who doesn’t have any gatdamn good sense. You know…good jokes like jumping out from the dark yelling: BOo nigga boo! Letting the air out of someone’s tires so they end up sleeping over and you end up having sex which was easier to do than just asking for sex. Or when you tell a guy it’s his baby, collect child support like a slag ass slag then he finds out 20 years later: Psyche!
Ya know.. jokes all in good fun.
But this shyt right here? This is how friends become victims of a most horrible misunderstanding.
In what’s got to be the worst makeover ever, Mark Longley from Crawley in Surrey, spent his bachelor party (also known as, stag do or buck’s night) with pubic hair literally glued to his face.
Photos uploaded to Facebook by best man Steve West explain that the ~pube beard~ was made possible thanks to donations from Mark’s best friends.
In addition to the man-made mask, Mark wore clown-shoes, was taped to a wheelchair, and was decorated with permanent marker. He was also given a cabbage “best friend” to hold on to at all times.
Let me just say that if any of you guys out there are reading this and for some reason we end up partying together (hell to the nawl) and one of you gets the bright idea that every should glue their pubic hair to my face ass face, I just want you all to know that after you do, you should probably also kill me.
Because please believe I am going to do shyt to you that isn’t legal to do to farm animals.
ALso, let me just say what everyone else is thinking here, ok? Something that no one wants to say out loud because they don’t want to be viewed as a racist but… let’s just be honest with one another.
I know I know… Slaus that isn’t a very nice thing to say! Some of your best friends are white! Some of your relatives are white? fifty gazillion of your exes are white. How could you say this about white people????
Because they are always doing some ol shyt ass and shyt -shyt!! If you have every partied with a group of young under 35 year old white males and lived to tell the tale, you know good and damn well they act like they have NO fear of consequences!! NONE!!! Just doing shyt all because reasons. Reasons that only make sense to other white males. Every time a white dude says: ” You know what would be cool??” Negroe, call your next of kin and let them know you more than likely won’t live to see tomorrow because you are about to go do some truly dangerous but cool shyt. Oh it will be fun. It will be the most fun you have ever had in all of ever even. But it WILL be some shyt that almost gets you killed all in your face by some shyt you had no business doing. Hell I remember catching a ride home from work back in San Francisco thinking we are heading over the bay bridge to Oakland. Nawl. These pale booty bytches got on the 101 freeway talking about: ” You know what would be cool, if we just went to LA for the three day weekend.” No one stopping off at home to get clothes or nothing!!! Bytches kidnapped me, son!! Ok I went willingly…. but shut the hell up. This isn’t about me being stupid, this is about them. How dare you use me against me.
Oh and we did have one of the best weekends ever ass ever…. still. We almost died a total of 4 times that weekend doing shyt I can’t put into writing. Because I’m not sure the statute of limitations is up after 16 years.
Still….. they glued pubes to his FACE!!!???
I can’t even grow facial hair and then you rub in the fact by gluing dick follicles to my face!??
THis would be me dumping all my life savings into a wishing fountain just to wishamufuckawould.